S H E ♥ U T T E R ♥ I M P U L S I V E L Y♥ H E R E

Updates 1!!

2011-04-03T12:42:00.001+08:00

It has been so long I hv Nt touch into tis site n Nw I can access it tru iPhone! Interesting!

Well life has been Gd Bt Nt satisfied yet. Anyway human r never satisfied. Since wrkg here I tend to spend more Mayb Jz tot of loving myself more.

Love life is as usual tho prev v hv misunderstood n unacceptable living lifestyle together Bt v tend to speak it out n settle it. So Nw he hv been more caring n of cos more alert of my needs n want. Hwever he is Nt tht bad Jz tht he seems more like a boy who don't bother much Bt life n future Bt he hv been gr8 Bf to me as in he never scolded me n nvr shouted at me n he likes to avoid quarrel. At least thr is one time I can c hw man he is n I hv tot of if at tht time was othr guy he would hv feel so embarassed of Wht had happen n I will gt a Gd scolding. I can c hw protective he was to me. Hehe! Anyway will b bk for soon....

The Boyfriend Questions and Answers

2010-06-21T18:19:00.002+08:00

Q: Boyfriend, what do you like about me?

A: I don like anything about you.

Q: Huh? Not even a thing about me>?

A: Nope!

Q: But, why? (i m so mad now!!!)

A: Because I love you not like you! sha sha de...

*fainted* sometimes the boyfren just can give me a nerve and then make me feel so warm....

He is such a charm sometimes...darn it!

So continue....

Q: Orite, then what u love about me?

A: Love you lor..

Q: thr must be sth u love about me rite?

A: If i m able 2 xplain what I love about you then it is not love la dear....
That is LIKE already! haiyo....

*fainted again*

Orchard flooded!

2010-06-17T01:09:00.002+08:00

It was shocking when I first step out from the borders underpass wanting to go over Liat Towers. We saw so many ppl and oso huge pipes and I even told Cherry Jie that they r pumping shit out~ but when we reach starbucks it really shocked d hell outta me that it was actually flooding! Catch that video uploaded and we r on TV. ahahahhaa...so overwhelmed bout it!

2010-06-16T01:39:00.002+08:00

Still striving my drama and online searching for people's blog. While searching, I realised a lot of the bloggers I read has already shut down their blog spot! Its saddening and certain bloggers has blocked their website.

Was it blogging a trend? Like now everyone is mad about FB and maybe ppl tends to share their thoughts at FB than blogging cos blogging takes a lot of time to think then type...

Well, I have stop blogging due to my internet accessing problem and oso certain personal problem happens last yr.

It was a long long and sad sad story but everythg has gone truu dy....

I hope I have a good day to blurt it all out here but thr is so much to be updated....

When will I go for that numbers.....

2010-06-15T18:16:00.003+08:00

Fantastic! Overwhelmed!

I couldnt believe about the numbers they givin me when I received the call (maybe I m still on my sleeping mode) so I make a double confirmation with them again and yes its tat number that have been clingin on my mind.

I was so happy and I have imagine of those coming numbers and I cant wait to work. I tot i will be starting on 1st of July but till yesterday the HR told me they are applying SP or EP for me and it will take bout a mth....*sigh* so I may nt start work at d first week of July! Haihh....but anyway hopefully d govt approve my application cos if not my signed offer letter will be lapse by then.

I am tired of resting already cos I gt nth to and I tot of goin home 2 c dad n mum but d thg is pulling me down is I do not like d feeling when I m leaving them cos it has been 4 times dy, they still drain the airport whenever I need 2 depart. So, hw to pass my freakin days? I wanna shop for clothes some more but i dun see anythg tat suit me.

Maybe spending some time to relax and reflect bout certain things for this sienness days...

I have been reflecting about the past and the people who have hurt me. And I am also seeking for an answer for those questions. I hate having doubts in mind and unable to get any answers.

Does she feel good aft all she have done between us? I wonder tat...

Does she feel like talking to me or even miss this friend me?

I m happy wit d new job I found but she has been clingin on my mind which makes my day sad and mad. I am so looking forward to work wit my new company but due to d procedures applyin S-pass for me takes time.

So atm, i gt nothin to do but spend my times online n sleeping and also watching my dramas....siensation on the mode.....

FRIENDS FOR WHAT€?

2010-06-13T17:58:00.004+08:00

I was so happily back to home for CNY. It was my 1st time to go back home for CNY from Singapore. Happily to be home just to celebrate with family and good friends. I tend to have my wish come true whereas I am able to get CNY clothes for bothe parents and also to financially support parents for CNY goods and decor. Mum dad was so happy and I do not mind spending 1 or 2 k for them just for the occassions as long they feel they had actually brought us up with responsibility. I know that I m still unable to fully financially support them and they stil have to go on wit their biz to earn their daily usage. But one day I want them to not work and let me have the full support for them and I do not want it 10 yrs later but give me another 1yr plus and hopefully I can make it.

Talking bout good frens, well this yr I have a total turn off from them or shud I say from her where I have always put her as my priority among the 3. I knew from b4 till tat day I was never her priority but instead was her clown for 9yrs? I lost count of the yr we have known but it does not matter anymore....or does it matter? Yes, I do question myself tat sometimes. And I even have the urge to make the first step again to gain back this relationship. Wat has been pulling me off from the urge? Total DISAPPOINTMENT!

On the 3rd day of CNY 2010 we have gone with our plan to go for pubbing at the new pub PAVILLION. Yesh, our forlong gathering for 4 of us and yes tis yr is diff dy cos me bro is out of da picture and hw i end up broken with her is mostly connected to my bro n her story as well. I knw their break-ups was shocking at tat time and I knw thr r wrongs at me bro side but to think back its not all his fault actually. Orite back to the story, 3rd day of Cny we were happily dranking our booze n yet I do not know wat strike her to blurt out tat questions which is "When do you think you can **** d *****? Wow tat question hit me but still giving faces I tend to smile and told her nicely (as usual) - we r still celebrating the new yr so y not put tat aside (chinese *pantang*) but being nice isnt the rite way to handle her so yet another question shoot out which really shocked the hell outta my life - "i try contact him bt cant, so every mth do u give ur mum? if yes then u treated it tat u *** for them?" I was so shocked till I cant believe wat I m hearing and it makes me so confuse till I have a second thinking tat my parents and me owe her instead of my bro.? wtf! NO! we din owe her any money! we did not! She shud be so ashame to ask for d money aft breaking up! It was like so so so insane. So back to it, I did not get pissed but I am inside so as usual i Just told her not the rite time and it is not my parents responsibility. So, i ignored her n of cos she do back off.

Isnt it crazy? I was shocked! Anyway, pppl say do not judge the book by its cover but they also saying unless u knw them for a period but I FUCKING KNOW HER FOR ALMOST A DECADE and I am so useless till I saw this chapter of her esp the happenings on the 8th day of CNY which I do not know hw to response to the matter.....

However, it has been past for 5 mths dy n yet the thg is still playing on my mind and I know I really care for this friend but she reALly HURTS me so deeply .....

My 1st JOB at the LION CITY

2010-06-13T15:06:00.003+08:00

Now @ Chamek the boyfriend home. Usually nothing to do here but one thg best about here is d food. So, everytime I m back here I will just gain weight cos from their dim sum to noodles are overwhelming.

The boyfriend says that i m getting fatter n fatter but anyway I dun care cos being able to stay alive to eat is prosperity for me. When i first came n started working at Zara really kills me. During our probation period we have to go thru some CDP which is to test ur knowledge about ur job scopes and at that time everyday is a STRESS for me. I am almost gone into depression due to miss my home and also the boyfren being not so responsibility for my secure at that time. He had forgotten to pick me up from work few times and my off duty time is like late midnite so it really pissed me off tat time until once I got so mad about it till I let him know how mad am I. At that time, I really feel tat I am such a fool to stay away from home to get all these shiat at my life but becos of the salary I tend to be patience. Anyhow, from tat xperience and scolding of so many many harsh words till the extend of breaking up with him did get him awake of what is his problem. From then, he do not dare to forget me. So, at least i feel better.

Zara was my first job and at first my thought of getting in Zara was jz a stepping stone for me to get a better job at the lion city and without notice plus my ego I has been worked for Zara about a yr. If it wasnt for the lady manager I wouldnt have stayed so long thr. She tested my abilities and my patience which I dun really like ppl to challenge that 2 points in my life so I wanna show her my abilities to her that no matter hw she challenge me or give me hardship I am able to cope and handle. Having to work thr is not d problem of d job scopes but the stress receiving from the superiors are crazy and at anytime anywhr u will be sabo by the superior which u feel like being slap at the face for no reason and yet u get scolding by the superior superior's again. The feeling can be describe as SUCKS! At first, i tot it was my own problem who cant stand the stress because is actually my first retail job until I met a girl thr who has been in retail field for 9 yrs and she told me other retail brand are not like tat for her xperience till she come Zara she felt like a "dog" sometimes.

So, from thr I knew I am nt d one having d problem but the ppl thr has some sort of making a fuss with newbies. It kills me at that time and immediately within 2 mths I lost 8kgs. There is so much to blabber about working thr and I hope to say it out loud here.....so to be continued....

Life @ here

2010-06-10T17:12:00.002+08:00

The day i step into the lion city - my life circle has change and it was a total change from the starting point to an end point. I couldnt rem hw it happens cos it came like a lightning and blow off like a wind.

I miss d ol' days hanging around with tat bunch of chix and of cos sometimes i do think of "him" but I have choose to end it because I do not want to waste both our times. We seems to be able live without each other. There was not a "miss" feeling at all for either of us. It hurts when the day we officially broke off and maybe this is because of our 5 yrs relationship. Its an adaptation dy and some responsibility involve but thr is no love involve for him and me dy so i choose to be the bad person to spoke out. Its been a yr already and I do thought of him sometimes but I believe that he have someone else dy and I really wish him to be successful in his career which is so important for him. We have a total diff perceptions for life so it ended our relationship jz like tat.

The next thg is I have a total loss of my kch frens dy. It hurts me when it happens and I miss her and them as well but the things she have done to me n my family is really unacceptable for me. I feel that i m being used and also being framed for no reason. It cannot be my problem so no matter how much I miss her I wouldnt lay low this time cos if i make the first step I really lost all my pride dy and I have lost so much pride to her for this freaking 8 yrs. So, I wish her to have a happy life and if one day I found out it was all a lie all i can say is she gave me a blast at my face by telling me how foolish I am.

Thats all I can say....due to her actions I totally lose faith on that bunch of chix. They have let me see that frens isnt about helping each other but is using each other whereas I tot I can accept that but in d end I pull out my white flag and give up. I choose to have a fren that do not compare with me cos I believe everyone is equal so I seems to have given up all those yrs happiness and also unhappy situations.

If you ask me, am I happy now?

The answer is YES. At first, I am not so happy here due to my working situation but from there I learn a lot of people's faces and heart and also I found a real heart thr whereas she is both beautiful in inside and outside. She is just like an angel for me. She was my spirit to go for work everyday and I did not predicted that we both resigned together which was so surprised to everyone and myself. At first I fear that I would not get a job or a job with a higher salary but I still make a bet on it. And I only bet on one job application and it just hit me with a WIN prize. Yesterday when I received that call from the company HR I was so shocked with the packages they gave me. I can start all over again and learn new things again. Life was all about challenging here which I enjoy the challenge cos I am able to know my abilities.

The boyfriend has actually been so nice to me for a yr. He has no temper for me but just a bit of "ngam cham" le. He makes me feel so appreciated and he is the type that I enjoy to be with. He can do all the chores for me and I can just go home and sleep due to my tiring job. Sometimes I feel so lucky to know him but sometimes I fear of karma. So, i guess when a person is living so happily they tend to think aside tat maybe this is just for a time being and not forever. But I believe any ups and down hit me I am able to overcome it cos I have gone tru worst time of my yr dy and me and family ever to climb up to the moutain again to stand straight.

2010-06-09T20:58:00.002+08:00

It has been a long long while I did not update anything here. From my final sem till nw I din realise times goes by so fast and here I am at the lion city for a yr dy and I have been independent for a yr. It din get me to adapt at this situation at all coz stil everyday I have my daily basis reported to my parents. I have been working for fucking 11 mths at Z*** and it was a nightmare for me but d difference is I learn a lot esp the people thr and I get to know more about the living lifestyle here. It was a gr8 experience for me due to the hardship and I never doubt my ability of surviving tru it.

The most gr8 thing is I am able to know a gr8 fren and from her i learn a few thgs and can be said at tat time going to work she is d only thg to make me go work without any hesitation...sigh.

nyway, tis is d start of my blogging again.....to be continues.....

Mouth to be cocking around

2008-09-23T15:01:00.003+08:00

Gosh, its almost 2 mths I have not been in here! Nothing much to update as I have tons of assignts on hand but yet I din seem 2 be in rush of it. If thr was update thr r words unable to to be put it on as a picture to c d whole story.
Have so much to be uttered as thr r tons of hard feeling inside. Sometime a person stubborness can relli hurts other alot but anyhow just let it be. I just treat it to be that person attitude which is hard to be change.
Keeping an eye open and an eye close makes the day a lot better to go tru instead of opening both ur eyes c it and unable to speak a word about it. We are all individual so we all have different thoughts and attitude. But we are being created to have a mouth to debate what we do not like to hear or we like to talk about others and the mouth is for us to protect our self. I dunno what I m toking about but sometimes when a person uses word to hurt others is lot lot painful than being stab or cut by a knife. We were unable to stop others mouth but we are still able to let our ear shut and pretend he/she is toking shit stuff.

2008-07-25T14:43:00.004+08:00

The Her and He

2008-07-23T16:48:00.003+08:00

Young -> Old -> Into the coffin!
It would be great I guess if me & him stay this way! But I prefer to die fast cos I am too afraid of aparting with someone I care and love. So, It has been 3 months 25 days we have separated. But of cos he did come back for 3 days visit and oso to attend one of our friend's wedding. I do miss him but not everyday lar. Our distance relationship has not much changes. Of course I wouldnt know what changes he had thr cos' I am unable to see! Anyhow, I wil be just doin my very own best and be what I am. If we are meant for each other then there are no obstacles we cant go tru right. So I told my dad not to worry about me and him as if he is mine, he will be mine. If he is not then no choice lor. There are so many fishes in the sea or trees in the forest. So,if d bad new comes then I have 2 face it and sad 4 a few day is enuff le.....

♥ me or hate me

2008-07-22T01:15:00.004+08:00

She is consistently unreasonable to me again or most of the time if that person is around. I try my best to think rationally and wisely for her actions and words utter from her but time to time she disappointed me. I started questioning my own attitude and characteristics again. Am I being envious or green eyed? Was I? Am I? The question linger on my mind again since then. It gets on my nerve again but not that harsh like before. I am telling myself to be numb about it because it's nothing new to me.

Ya, its nothing new as this issue has been going on for a decade already. But why it still affects me? This is because she is someone that I care and I must care. Isn't that she has the same responsibility to treat me that way as well? Alright, maybe she do care but....oh God I can't convince myself for that statement coz' her actions are too obvious that I am not that much of her priority if to compare with that person.

I used to assume she has prejudice on me, and I got lots of funny and stupid reason behind all these actions which is maybe my chinese birth time and date does not suits her and maybe our horoscope are not compatible to be close at all. Funny, huh? However, those superstitious mind does not help me feel better at all. I even thought that I have problems on my attitude which she do not like. Maybe I am selfish, I am easily green-...etc.

But now I am partially assure that has prejudice on me. I have change to be better, to be more obedient, to be more patience in temper but it gets back to the circle again. She really treated us so much differently and the comparison of the difference can be say as that person goes heaven and me go HELL. Yeah! Isn't that shitty? I am not bluffing guys. I tot I can take it but still I cant take it. I tot there will be a change of fate but after all it's back to the same ol' ol' way. However, I keep on reminding myself I must be patience. It's all normal actually. So, I must be impulsively calm to keep the peace between us. I will let it be. So, I will be cool about it and mind my own bizness and I will not shoot out the bullet until I finish my mission.

So, at the moment I do have the heart to stay away from this place. It's not that I hate it but maybe I shud have a fresh air at some other place. Mayb in this way, I may not have a heavy heart to leave here. But if situation change I still prefer to stay at my home sweet home of course. I guess I have to stop blurting shit out now cos its 2 a.m in the morning and I have to get up early 2molo. Well well, I have my last 10days at that freaking workplace. hehe! Thats all for the rumbles and rantz. I will be cool bout it.... so say it with me yip pee yay kay!!
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Straight A's NOT! Haha!

2008-07-18T15:45:00.003+08:00

Hardwork do give us a good show in the end! Thank God Thank God for giving me a new new chance after a yr! I have one more semester to strive on and till then I will be free from books! I need more mind support from anyone and most important is myself! ANd and Family! They are very indeed my mind support! No quarrels no big problem can give me a peace of mind to go tru this damn fucking final sem! I cant wait! I have waited for so long to tell that I am in my final sem! And

Now I am cant wait to tell that I have go tru my final fucking sem! Yet I cant be too confident about it cos the road of life has so much unexpected things that will happen! Sometimes is better not to expect too much. I din expect so much on my result but it was weird when last 9 I was going to bed I keep on seeing vision of my results and the result seen does not have any alphabet of N in it! I cant relli sleep last 9 cos tis is my final stageeee which my mum told me. If I am going to flunk any of the subject again my mum jz not gonna let me continue anymore. Well, she do freak me out for that.

I do not want to let go and this time achievement wont make me forget my damn stupidity in year 2006. I will let it keep on reminding me myself about it, remind myself how stupid I was, remind that how I have wasted times and money at that time. It will always be a reminder for me to be more conscious and steady always. I have say sorry so much in my heart and I hope the one I had hurt will forgive me if one of the most fear day for me comes.

I have promise my dad I will do good and I will try my fucking damn best. I always feel so shame that ppl ask when will I graduate. And because I am unable 2 graduate on time I had this self-consciously of measuring my intelligent. This 1 1/2 yr I have always question myself whether I have the ability to study a fucking simple course. And I always blame myself for being so stupid. But yet I guess hardworks actually brings an achievement at all.

I m not a super duper high achievement student but I never worry about my studies until i started uni actually. I did not give up and I do put effort on it but Bro say I could have put more on it. Well, sometimes life jz has up and downs to be face and it all depends how strong we are and how ur frens n family has mentally support u. Maybe harsh words do help sometimes. hehehe...(mentioning a lady of my life) And a girlfren of mine do give me hard rocking word to listen and this actually beat out my pride. Though i do not share but I bear it on my mind that I wan to show myself that I am not stupid after all and I still own maybe a lil bit of the ability to finish uni. Heheh! However, Thanks myself for the hardwork, thanks God, family and friends for being side of me in somehow :)) hehe! mUahs!

Life is just alike as drama

2008-07-18T12:34:00.005+08:00

A new drama series of TVB again! Moonlight Resonance yet another exciting modern, family and business conflicts genre drama series. It has most of the actors and actresses of Heart of Greed but it is not the continuation of Heart of Greed. The Heart of Greed was a kicked ass touching drama and was rated the highest for that year of drama series.

TVB uses back the same actor n actrsses to attract viewers to watch this drama. Viewers of TVB drama series must be very curious about this new "pattern" modern drama because of the same same actors esp Tak tak dei is insde n of cos nowdays favorite actor of people which is Raymond Lam! I CANT wait to download this fucking drama series and fuck it is yet another 40 episode movie. However, I am still waiting for anther drama which is The Jewel of Life which contains 80 episode to be catch up....:S

I am sorry

2008-07-12T11:41:00.003+08:00

I have run out of idea to help you and I do not understand why we have been helping you yet you do not want to stand up straight and right again! I feel so exhausted already and same shit as them. I can even have a pat on my butt just walk off with all these shit that has happen on you! But can I do it? Am I able to have the heart do it this way? No! I cant cos you are one of my closest person in the world of my life. Yet, I am not sure I have done wrong for those thgs that I have told her. End up, seems like you thought that I have bitten you a bite from the back. Was I? No, I try to help you.

I tot choosing tis way will make you awake and realize that what you have been up to all this while is a huge mistakes or faulties that you have given most of us 2 feel it. I know how suffering and stress as you the one who had brought all these shit up. I knw that you feel 100 times pain inside you than us. But ur doings of repenting is not tis way. We human make silly n stupid mistakes but we are given a gift by God not to give up after a wrong but the gift given us was to understand our wrongs and stand up back for it or mend the wrongs. We are not born to escape or avoid mistakes and facts of life. If u were able to accept those shit has happen and apologize for it, I gurantee you that ur life will be better than ever and by the time u turn back ur memories you think it was a change of ur life and those stupid wrong doings has turn u into a better person. If you are still in a confusing situation like now and do not want to face the truth that shits has happen, then so sorry u wont able to have a better life then.

Sorry always seems to be the hardest words to say but I am not sure I have wrong for that but guiltness has been building up in me tis few days. I am so sorry and I really hope thgs can be back normal for u n her. We all want a good ending of you twos so dun give up! It feel so funny that I have to say sorry but I meant it! Life is always like roller coaster n most of the times it was all like a JOKE. So why not laugh at those stupid joke when it is over.

Anyhow, I did not expect it has turn up this way but I am really sorry for what have happen. If anythg happen I think I will bear this guilt forever and I may not know how 2 face u in coming days so Please please be more steady from now onwards and fight back what u have lose and lost. We will always send out our pair of hands to hold you when u need it. Trust me!

I am so sorry! AND girl another chance is needed here.....it doesnt end this way and this easy because heart is hard to build and turn 2 into 1.

2008-06-25T12:47:00.003+08:00

Puffing puffs of nicotine plus sips of caffeine let the day begin....

With lots of diff numbers~ 2days dy and I m quite sick of it.......:S

"5 secs ShotGun" reality show

2008-06-20T23:34:00.004+08:00

It happens after a "shotgun" in a dark place whr most of the young adults like to hang out during the weekend

He used to admire her secretly in few years back while they were in the same college

They used to hang around together but of course not both of them only as there are others around

As mentioned above, he was admiring her secretly so we knew that he had never let her know what's on his mind about her

And both go by their own way 5 years back as they all have graduated

So, as a friend I guess he kept that lil feeling of his inside his heart and maybe he had actually forgotten the feeling

However, it was kept inside him and was not throw out so unexpected expressing and action maybe shown if one day they meet each other

Humans feeling are just too hard to be explain most of the times especially if the feeling is love or like of an opposite sex

So, do you wonder that sometimes there are feeling inside you towards a certain person and in the past you never have the guts to let him/her know - maybe at that time you still young in age or you may think that it's not the right timing but however people get older tends to have more courage to speak their hidden feeling

I do wonder actually - but the point of telling out that buried and hidden feeling for many yrs is what?

Was it just a clarification to be made to the opposite that you ever like him/her? Or was it that you were expecting something - a chance to be together? Or was it a "true regret" you were holding all tis while?

Well it can be any reason because feeling and love comes and goes by no reason most of the time

However, the story goes on....

Recently, the boy met the girl after 5 years of parting

They were like normal and everything was so great

Altogether had a fun time together as they were back for another girl friend's wedding

However, that boy out of nowhere starting to do some "shotgun" for us to see then he got kinda tipsy after that 5 sec shot of beer to his "already-beer belly"

All of a sudden his gun just ran fire and shot at the girl by telling his feeling for her in the back old days

The girl was shocked of course and the boy yet slowly finding himself want an answer from her

Too bad, timing was not right again because he have to leave the very next day

He tried to extend his stay but unable

So, he went back with a heavy heart and his imagination and action run wild for a whole week expecting for an answer from her

So, he was kinda depressed back home and he was unable to concentrate anything but HER eventhough he was attached at the moment

Can we imagine how crazy the word of "love" can be? Or maybe put it as "feelings"?

Scary enough to thought of it coz 1 wrong move, 1 wrong give and 1 wrong take can hurt many others "feelings"

However, he was able to be awake by few of his friends and to make him the realization that - IT WAS ALL A DREAM AND THE FLOWER WAS BLOOM IN UR MIND NOT IN REAL

He was okay and both of them are still in their best friend status......

Now he feel guilty for his partner but "Hey fren, no worries cos you know how to turn back ur head to have a huge realization of which flower actually blooms." :)

So end of the whole fucking crazy sparking fire thingy relli crack my head up becoz I think it's funny and interesting that a human feelings are all so uncertain and unexpected.

P.s: I learn a lesson from here which is do not shotgun if there is any of ur admirer or even enemy at the spot cos u never knw wht u will do and say. hehehehe!

The wedding bell was jingle on 09.06.08

2008-06-20T14:10:00.001+08:00

CONGRATULATION TO K.C AND JASS! :D

Bachelorette Night for Her (07/06/08)

2008-06-20T02:05:00.008+08:00

The attenders of the Hen Night of Miss Jass (her addresses has change after 09/06/08 to Mrs Sim) LOL! An Upgrade status for the lady.....(dun "siong" me) u still look young! lol! :D

They are from the neighbour of our state...such as Brunei, Singapore, KK and KL. They are few which is localised! On that night was ur very "last night" of single status for any forms filled or anyone who address you will be start off with a "Miss". Okay an introduction for the participants or we are actually known as your SISTERS OF UR DAY! (forever sisters or jz a nite stand? LOL again!- u knw me girl i jz like to tok cock sometimes o most of d times. Keke!) In the picture are all females.....hmm~the four look-alike male have a pitiful story behind so I do not want to make a statement about why they looks like male though they are females actually. This was a Hen's night so do not doubt their sex as a female actually-trust me! (LoL!)

Upper row: From left- Norma, Lina, Sophia, Joey, Winnie, Sze, Yikru, Bobo, PL

Lower row: From Left- Me, Josie, Jane, Elly

Alright, those were the babes of the nite with Jass! Few of them are actually piggiebo not babes esp the four unalike female but are female species. LOL!

(Cheerz to the Hen and telling her to say GOODBYE to single status of her life and WELCOMING her new attached and married status of her life.)

So, our night was so noisy and confusing actually - becos there are 2 many of us and we r kinda not concentrating and realizing what we are doing actually. We were all so crack up and in the end our small, young and beautiful hen end up this way:

(Need not to be a very clear pic as we all frens knw wht actually happens 2 her dy) kekeke! Gal, happy BACHELORETTE NITE FOR U! MuAHS!

Well, do not blame her for not having a good skill of drinking. She turns out that way all because of her 2 weirdos "sister" who has very pitiful and unacceptable physical appearance especially for a born-2-be ladies like them:

Jane & Josie (How pitiful and we do understand how much you 2 want to be more feminine...)

One beautiful weekend for me! (hehe!)

2008-06-19T23:15:00.011+08:00

By a night, the sky has turn grey in a glimpse...(was it really grey?)

And the flower blooms beautifully in the mind, thinking of a beautiful opening love story BUT too bad it's just a dream and the worse it's a DAY DREAM (LMAO!!-oops sorry! control! keke)

However that boy manage to wake up from that unrealistic beautiful dream of his by the help of a bunch of

(LOL!!!! Honestly, I still think its all so funny - cant stand what you up to but however the sparking fire of urs actually spark my mind off with a blast of funny imagination around my head! lol!!!!!- peace friend! *hiaks*)

So, his day has actually turn blue again and yet it is another new day again to face new challenges without that unrealistic day dream of his........

In the end, the flower in realistic does not bloom at all....it was all his dream ONLY!

Ps: who is your next shotgun sparking fire victim my dear? LOL!!!!

It was a beautiful weekend for me but I guess it was a crazy and confusing weekend for you "aiya" ah....RIGHT? hehehe! Hope it will be once in a lifetime only k! :)

Not sorry anymore

2008-05-24T01:02:00.000+08:00

It’s dangerous and it can be seen deadly. Do not want to be caught at that moment anymore because the it may fall deeper and lose control if it is involved with feeling. Why not make a shift of the things? It will be better, right? We are allowed to shift anything around. But How much shift to be made ?– I am reminded not to break through the barriers because I may not have the second chance to be shift it back in a normal mode again. If the barriers are break through, the state of mind will run wildly without rationale thoughts. I am scared by it because it’s not in a state of divine at all. So do not take me in again because I may fall again and there is no surety I am able to be stand up by myself again. It may get worse and worse. I want it to be frozen to this point and let that point to be flush away from the mind.

An apologies to be made is not necessary anymore. From begin I am the one to be blame of all so the wrong is me BUT I am sorry to myself. Say that I am selfish and who are not selfish. I know it has been too long since I have not caught them up on my life but I am trying to heal myself so do not blame me. I have too much to think and have too much to cure. Not only curing myself but also someone close to me. I am always in a state of busy mind.

Talking about selfish. I have always wanted to be selfish. From young I am never selfish, I have always share mine with others and I am always willing to let my pair of hands to help someone but in the end I got nothing back. People always think they have sacrifice a lot but sometimes to think back we all in the world has equal sacrifices. I have always thought I had sacrifice more than anyone besides me but it’s ok no matter how much already because at least I have being selfish for once at that moment to avoid of get caught at that moment.

So why not let me be selfish for once? Let me to be out of the moment. My heart can be melt easily so do not talk those cock with me. I do not want to hear anymore. It’s non of my fucking business anymore! Do not use others to tell me those fucking shit. I do not want to ask but why keep on letting me know! I hate receiving those messages. So fuck off from my life! Gosh just let me be the devil for once and I will not feel any sorry for it. Think that I have a heart of stone or whatever! So now I am going to say it’s not MY FUCKING FAULT!

For The Newly Wed on 09.06.08

2008-05-23T15:09:00.002+08:00

The source of your marriage will be love and happiness

Let happiness uplifts you and him

Let happiness fills both of you and him's heart, mind and soul

Let happiness gives you and him the strength needed

Let happiness gives your newly build family a good feeling that enters your mind each day

Let happiness takes you and his sadness away from the past and coming days

Let happiness fills yours and his eyes with joy

Let happiness makes your new family excited and thrilled

Let happiness warms both of you and his heart and soul each day

Let happiness gives you and him a sense of relief each today together

Let happiness welcomes you and him each morning when both of you get up

Let happiness to be seen in both of you and his eyes in the coming days under a roof

Let happiness be send by me to you and him always

Best wishes all the time to you and him

Congratulation My Dear friend! (17 days to go!) ;) *winks*

2008-05-23T00:58:00.002+08:00

Do not walk ahead me because I may not cope up with you

Do not walk far behind from me because I may not know how to lead the road ahead

Why don't we walk by each other side so there are no coping and leading needed, my dear friend?

I may not want to turn my head back or think about what is heading in front

I prefer to walk together heading to the unknown road without any facing back of our past

It's hard to let a rock down from our shoulder which we have been carrying quite a while BUT HOWEVER it's has turn history so let's walk the road ahead with guts and open-hearted

Life isn't easy but I am believing that I had better one than some of them in the world

We live once and why not let it be the fullest of all

Every ups and downs we encounter are chapters of our life

In the end of the day of our life we can flip back the chapters we have made and laugh at it because "you have been through it and you did finished the road of life - no matter how much failure or success, it's made by you"

I never believe in next life

I do not dare to talk about my next life as I have not finish this life so why not finish it with courage

Forget the unforgiven history and remember the beautiful memories

Life get complex and difficult as we get older but while we get older, we get wiser

The closer of any relationship or friendship is, the greater the betrayal will be

There is no greater enemy than one who was once our greatest friend

Saying I AM SORRY is a difficult things to do

But those ships is one main thing that make life worthwhile

No matter what it will be in one of our life chapter, so we have to face our life with intrepidity.

Here In My Home

2008-05-22T23:20:00.004+08:00

They rawk! Love NIng Baizura voice! so sexayyy n strong! Two thumbs up people! Loving it....

Do you want one?

2008-05-18T17:46:00.003+08:00

Ever think of having how many of this lil tiny life? Or thinking not to have any? Bearing a child is hard and some more to raise them up is all bout $$$? We are used to be like them and I am wondering if our parents have the same thought like nowdays generation which is so sensitive about having kids and being very calculative to bear a child - then we will not be here at all right?

I had a BAD DAY

2008-05-12T00:30:00.003+08:00

I had a bad day and I guess there are ppl have not a relli good day oso! But after having a fresh air it helps though! so i m feeling okay now! How bad it is
I dun think it will be that bad, huh?!-----> kekekee...It's Fergie, she sprained her ankle, yay with tat high of heels! Gosh, when I was a kid I do not knw why I always sprained my ankle even I am on bare feet so I do not like spraining ankle feeling - it relli hurts! Tats why I dun relli wear heels, before I wear I have tis picture of myself getting pain by spraining ankle or just stumble over sth with those heels. I am heels lover but still to avoid to fall over with a heel or get hurt to my feet I wont take that risk no matter hw nice the heels are.....hehehe....Guess Fergie feel a very BIG OUCH there!

Happy Mum Day! spoiled

2008-05-11T19:02:00.007+08:00

It's a day again! Recently, I seems to have not enough time for doing stuff. The time jz goes so fast. Times goes too fast and things seems to be happening so unexpectedly all the time. At 1st, today shud be a gr8 day which everyone will be celebrating our mum's day but I end up sitting here blogging! No celebration today no celebration for her tis yr. Since this morning, I came home she just pulled a long face and I tried to talk to her but there are no reply at all. All of a sudden, my dad came home telling me that he is sick of mum so why dun u help her out thr. So, I drove over to just help her and since 2pm till now we did not speak a word. I dono wat get her into tis **** mood. Anyway, I cant do much actually so Happy or Sad mUm day!

Sometimes when you have a plan in the mind - in d end of the day it jz got out of hand so that is why I never wan to expect too much in anything becoz I am jz too afraid thgs that get out of control. My semester is ending soon and my final falls on the June which is 2 day after my dear fren wedding. Its kinda stress here coz I do not knw whether I can go tru it and to reach my final step of uni which is next sem! I m going to face damn SIX subjects so yay! - it is sure gonna have my damn fucking time to due with! I will jz lose my breathe anytime at that time. Anyhow, tis sem havent to an end yet so I better not to think too big of the picture of my final sem!

Sigh! I am kinda sad here! I am sad that, thgs is coming up so pack nowdays, and mum isnt happy today and dad is unhappy with mum- sigh! Do not knw wat to do and what to say however Mum, yes I love you! hm~

I wonder where is my dad now! Is he out dinner by himself? Is he out to watch the thomas n uber badminton cup? hMm! Y he din wait 4 me 2 go with him? sheesh~ both age add up oledi wanna be 200 lorr still "sa fa chiong mei" - gRr!

So young yet so many issues to be handle and of cos there are endless issue in future for me to face of cos so take it as a stage or test to go tru! However live life to the fullest anyway. If nt wat for stay on being a human here......Nth is impossible and thr will be miracle which I have always believe and I have few miracle happens to me at the past and Thank God that you do listen to my prayer! So, This is jz my pointless day.....do di do di do di do......

Short or Long hair suits me more?

2008-05-06T18:31:00.009+08:00

Seems like everytime I had a mentally break down I will just do sth to my hair. Remembering that when in yr 2006 I was so emotional becos of certain personal issue then all of a sudden I told Edmund I wanna cut my hair short till above shoulder length and in jz a thought straight I went to the barber and had my hair "zap" it all down. That was when I start to have short hair then come along not until 2week Jass saying why I have to cut it like a kid's hair ----> (china doll hair which is in same length) and before this was this long----> so if to compare which 1 better? which is younger? Hahaha! or is it no difference at all? LOL! Then of cos not more than 2 weeks I was push by Miss Jxxx to another saloon to cut it off again which turns into like tat--> so it turns tis way......and until tis yr slowly I got back my hair over shoulder which is this long ---> then today I just had it zap off till this short --> and front of cos has not much diff jz has a lil fringe cut so however is like back 2 normal again which is short hair. Feel so comfortable and my head is so lot lighter now. So,in future I will jz stay this old way which isl prefer short hair cos at least i look more tidy and younger i guess. Hahaha! anyway, tats all for update? what u all think of it? SHORT OR LONG BETTER? HEHEHEHE.....

Mentally breaking down....

2008-05-06T00:17:00.002+08:00

Hm! Just got back yam cha with Mz Jxxx, I am kinda feeling low in mood and I do not know what is goin on inside this blank head of me. I shud be starting my soon due assignt but I do not have the mood to start anythg! I guess I still have problem expressing my own feeling but I got nothing to be express le. But something inside is making me feeling down. But what is it? I do not really know the answer. Is it becos of feeling of gettin near to go away from home? Is it that I have been thinking too much n over here? Maybe I will not go away from here. It is scary to think of leaving my parent. Am I too much dependent here or I am fearing becos they are old dy? Sigh, do not wan any specific thought here but I am thinking so much far away but in the mind it seems so close and the clock is ticking fast. When I was kid I always cant wait to be a teen then to be an adult but when the age reach 20s, the clock seems to be ticking faster than before. And day by day just gone by like that - without any achievement or anything tat make the day valued. It seems like time being wasted so much. It is all so ironic, when life tends to be goin slow in motion and nth much goin around like having to face ups n downs still I complain. ANd when life having ups n downs I will start complainin as well. Humans are never ever satisfied of what they are having. It is all so imperfect! Even 1 day it is actually so perfect dy, still I think I will feel imperfect becos expectation and determination will change and it seems to be more and more which does not have a finish line at all. Have you ever thought of stop breathing for awhile? Or just be gone from the world 4 awhile?

Sigh, I am thinking to stop breathing awhile but how? My life is no rush at all but why do I feel so tired of breathing? Nothing to bother but studies only and yet I am sick of breathing? Sigh, thinking about wat I had in mind is so foolish. There are people around the world who may have a harder lifetime than me and they maybe not having this kind of thought but me! - having this stupid boring and kinda "ok" life makes me so tired? I am jz so weak! weak in evrythg! Sometimes I wanna show that I am strong no matter inside of me or outside of me but in the end I like to throw the bucket of water on myself and saying to myself I am jz a weak fellow. I really hope I can graduate tis yr end and I wanna have a change of life situation. But, sometimes I do ask myself am I ready for it? I am feeling so tiny now and I do not know what I am blabbering about. I just feel sick here. Sigh! How many sigh I have made dy? Sighhh.....

I miss You

2008-05-02T00:05:00.003+08:00

It has been a month dy since he left and this is the very 1st night having to miss him. Was preparing to sleep but a sudden feeling is holding my eyes open and I actually misses him now. Was there shedding tears? Nah~ did not! ANd I guess this is my 1st time sms-ing him asking 'when can i c u?' sigh! Sometimes, no matter how tough or how long the relationship have been BUT if the feeling is there still will have a soft time to be a girl somehow which is telling him or jz a fren that I am missing him now! It is not that I am denying all this while but or maybe my mind has too much to think of and to be done with but now having to have some free time I tend to miss hiim...

To be apart is sad, missing someone is cruelty especially if you knw you hardly have the chance to see that missed person that fast. The feeling come mayb is oso another reason which is this 2 nights I have been watching some lovey dovey drama series which makes me feel a bit of emo and affectionate gua. Sigh! I am just too much easy to be influence especially emotional feelings. I hope I wont wonder too far with this emo here so I think I will get back normal after a good or is it a hard-to-sleep nite? :S bad signs here....sigh!

Loneliness is killing as well. I just sms-ed him telling him that I do not feel like attending 2molo class and the meeting but he say I can't coz if I gonna start this emo-feeling I will lose my track again and soon I will repeat my mistake again! so slap slap slap myself n dun feel emo cos u r a grown up! be more mature be old be wise nt to be affected by all this shit feel! Still, I miss you dear! I am wondering do you miss me actually? Am i trying to be lovey dovey here? No, it is a question and an answer needed here. But even you tell me you do miss me, and I am a girl still I will say I doubt that. Well, maybe girls r owes born 2 be doubting what the male species says. So lame right? I guess both species r lame gua. haha! (wat a cold joke...er a lame one here)

Well, I guess I have to stop here before I starts all those yucky words here. I am trying to cheer myself up here! So, I guess I have been good all this while dy cos after all I took a month to have this feeling so I m nt tat weak yet. LOL! Orite, gtg n have some try-hard sleeping time. Nitez all!

*miss u Mr*

Useless Update here...

2008-04-25T23:34:00.003+08:00

Its been awhile I din log into my blog here. Was bz wit uni works last 2 weeks ago then I got a mid-sem break which I am not at local here...was kicking my arse in some long long highway down to Penang and Ipoh with family. And also its a family trip I guess. It was not a great trip cos I din get anything back thr at KL or Penang cos all we did was to eat n look at d place we going. And of cos 1 real main point by my parent 4 tis trip is to visit and company my beloved bloody(no offence, u bitch! LOL) brother. Having to see him thr with so much obstacle goin tru really send a knife piercing into my parent's heart! Well, waht to do! ALl i can say it's life! It's d job u have chose. So, if it is tat suffering - quit tat damn fucking job! cos it relli sux as u have to drive up from selangor to penang at least thrice a week and of cos sometimes not even 1 4 a week but still it sux! I mean u r driving down tat fucking long highway all by urself and having to speed bout 140km/hr with a KENARI! Gosh isnt tat shit! I would have long kill tat job with my own hand! For God Sake bloody bro, quit it man!
Anyway, tat goes my holiday with hardcore squeezing 3 ppl at d back seat of d car for bout 5 hrs (of cossssss, we did have a stop by) :P So, hows life without dear...I guess evrythg seems to be flowing normally as we have a total non-conflict since he left me! maybe i m jz 2 bz wit my own fucking boring full uni assesement life here. Well, he is fine I guess! Sometimes my mind did ran off a bit about our distance relationship but still I am able to get back to a normal mode aft a sleep. Life didnt get better or worse even without him! thr is no sadness or deep missing him here! I m jz too bz wit assesement and bz yam cha i guess oso! hahahahaha....anyway I drop by to post 1 article while waiting 4 Jass to pick me up for a tea. She is late n she is driving! So hell yeah, I am leaving now...and hope tat I get to blog more.

We will be allright! :D

2008-03-11T14:44:00.004+08:00

Ya, here goes the result or the conclusion I have been waiting and fearing of. Yes, he had really decided to quit his job for sure and go back to his hometown to start his new job. This is the news that he told me last nite. Well, the feeling of it is a bit neutral now. At first when he was back at KK last week and him telling me he was going for few interviews, I was quite upset bout it but after he had confirmed to me last 9...I was like jz OK only. Didnt have the feeling of angry or loss o watever negative thoughts came across. Mayb I starts to learn of letting it go since I have been holding him for 4yrs in Kch. It's time for him to make his very own decision and its time for him to be more comfortable and enjoyable with his chosen road.

This is mayb I m in my final year so I feel a lot Ok about it cos I may graduate (OH! I have to stand strong for this, Darn it right!)end of tis yr and jz by d time I finish will join him there (KK)...Sometimes we have to be fair n its not about who shud sacrifice more or shud tolerate more(of cos guys right?hehe). He have tolerated with me here for 4 yrs which in a place he had no one close or even friends accept colleagues and my frens at all but ME only. So, mayb thinking of the feeling he was in has given me an awake call to let him be(Not relli yet though,oops!). Yah, maybe not more than a yr time I will be in his position dy..which is me gonna miss hometown and hate that place which I have to go sooner or later. But what to do, this is wat I choose so have to balance it up to continue this relationship.

Well, was it all about commitment or because of that we have been in 5yrs relationship? ErmM, I guess is because we really do care and love each other or we do really wan to make this bond work, rigth? If not why he is willing to be here for me and I m going to be willing for goin to a place that I will be a total stranger (scary!) for anyone there. Anyway, hope his choice will give him a path of sth he really like. Of cos, I will feel sth missing but for the future? To think about it....YA why NOT? so have a try and see thgs work out between us or not. Take it as a test from God.

No matter how we r parted well I guess in a week or 2 I will jz get used to it for not having you around cos I most of the time a loner so dun think it will be problem for me (hopefully~~hehe!),right? So go ahead and do what you like, I will be supporting you from this moment but jz dun tell me about going places like ENGLAND so that will be jz fine for me.

So, its time for me to let it go, right? Let it be let it be and times will tell how well or how sucks we gonna be in the future right? However, its all fate and destined and of cos we need to put our very best effort to work this out. :) So, this is my latest news and I guess it is gonna happennnnn........real soon! Mayb by that time I will be back to my own world which is owes alone. Everything alone!? no no no...I have to be INDEPENDENT! No more daily routine anymore which is be a driver (two thumbs up for me)....guess thr will be more freedom at that time which I hope it will be good. Yah, I have to be good!! damn...anyway stop here....before I continue with some fucked stuff and messed up my mood again~

Pathetic and loner of ME

2008-03-10T18:13:00.005+08:00

Hmm! Just to inform I may have problem for internet connection nowdays because of some some....sigh! Its better not say. So I hope I can get my line soon enough so I will be able to blog more! Express is interesting thing but sometimes writing out and when you got anonymous ppl comin in ur blog or mayb some issue which is have to be sensored to avoid creating sensitiveness relli shit thgs up right?

Anyway I m doing stuff at uni at this moment and its late dy and I cant wait to go home but because of unable to online problem leads me for a need to stay at Uni a longer time to do my posting and researching for my works at Uni. and shit this cos I hate staying at Uni accept for class. Talking about Uni, so far actually this semester is ok for me lerr...cos those kids in the block which are same class with me was nice and friendly. They relli can make fren wit u jz in a click but for me they are jz one of the cloud for this semester. By the time the sem has finish, I will forget them and they will forget who the fuck am I and here it goes another bunch of "hi ByE" friends right? Hehehehe!

But still lah...they r nice kids which they r willing to approach you 1st. Am I lucky or what? Because every sem I m worried of who I m goonnnnaaa group with for assignts? Ya, this is why I HATE group assignts. I prefer doing alone because being individual all the time won't encounters unfair issue (like my previous sem-cb1 tat girl TYT)) especially school works, right? If you say working different lah cos most of the time need teamwork rite. But I m Jz so NOT the type of teamwork person because...welll....shy in a way though when giving out ideas or comments or watever lah. So fuck that introduction class I have last week which make me so sick and looks like an ALIEN in front of the lecturer and those kid in the block. Darn! Anyway, the story started by this way....the lecturer wan ask to introduce ourself for the 1st tutorial class (sounds like primary school or high school le??? *i feel lame*) anyway moving on...we do it a lil' different from our young days which is after introducing ourself we have to pick a "FRIEND" in the class to describe him/her. AND for your INFORMATION and hell SAKE I don know anyone in that class (shameful me:()and how the FUCK I m gonna to pick a "FRIEND" to DESCRIBE! So shitty when it is my turn to introduce. So I introduced myself then I tot it is done until my lecturer told me to pick a "FRIEND" so I guess u know how fucking sick at that time, right? Then...I told my lecturer I dun have friend here n I dunno anyone so I m unable to describe anyone at all. So,The lecturer was like "WHAT?! how come you dunno anyone here as you are a final year student?" Yah, i feel like putting my face in some shit hole to cover every single part of my face.

Gosh, I can feel those kids in the block talking back or laffing bout how pathetic I am. GrRRr! so geram to tot about it! Come on lah! I got my own friend lah which is not kid in the block mah! N i more not social type ler.....so dun think I m a clown or ALIEN! Sheesh!

oK this enough of my silly part and my embarassing moment. haha! Ya, i still can laugh bout it because i think I have get used to it cos there is always ppl around at campus asking "y i m always ALONE?" so, you get it? I m pathetic, loner and wackoo here... :P

Gtg home..its late....catch up soon~

Jz a day....

2008-03-09T17:27:00.002+08:00

Hm! How to start! Jz a brief tok bout my sick sick boring day again. Din vote for tis election becos of believing tat asshole bout some issue n in d end I din get to register on time to vote for this election but i m looking forward for d next election coming to. Anyway 1st wat a shit thg happen to d 12th election as our BN has stomp down quite a hit this time as they lost 5 of their states to the Opposition. Not much comment to give as I m not d political type of ass here...but anyhow Congrat to the BN of Stampin which have won. Well, time will tells who is more capable of doin stuff for the country o for Us. So, in this 5 yrs time they have to show somethg out for d Rakyat if not we will be back 2 d circle again! So good luck to we Malaysians n hope thr is a better tomorrow wit those winner. Be more alert of any action and move u gonna make cos the other side will be watching how you guys survive. :)

Anyway moving on....i slept 7 am this morning n woke up around 11 until now. Give me a lot of thoughts about a friend's situation. His family has broken into pieces and I have known him for about 12 yrs and he is owes the guy who love his family a lot and I guess those broken "big pieces" of his family in this 4 yrs have been quite a huge IMPACT for him. However, it has been 4 yrs dy....yet I jz knew by this morning while chatting wit him on MSN which shocked d hell outta me. He was a buddy to someone close to me and I knew him when I was kid. He was jz like a big bully bro for me. Well, wat he have told us really endure me from thinking that he is really strong becos he have been keeping this secret for 4 yrs without telling anyone or any of his closest buddy until now. For God sake, he has been holding so much of those burden by himself which I really wan to give him salute for standing til now.

The whole shit makes me think a lot. Especially thinking about what I have been tru or goin tru makes me so sick and even ever tot of the whole world is turning my life upside down becos of some shit stuff happen to me but or yet this guy I have known was some kind i tot is a spoiled brat for whole time. In a turn he actually can handle his situation by tat way...unbelievable rite Miss J? hehehe!

Well, it makes me feel like telling some ppl who tot he/she is in some hardship but to compare it is so differen n small. ANyhow the story is promised to be kept so my lips will be sealed n all I can tok bout it is wit Miss J! Luckily we both knw if not waahhhh....put in d heart so "xin ku" le. hehehe...however I hope this will be better in d coming days for my dear fren.....

They may not want it this way....

2008-03-06T21:52:00.005+08:00

Abortion is never ever an easy decision for any ladies in the world. No matter she is in her young teens or late teens or even adults. When the young teens found out they are pregnant, 1st thg come into their mind were abortion because of what? because of fearing that their parents will disown them or hate them. What about late teens? They of cos still fear about their parent especially the Asians like we Malaysian chinese or even other races here...we are all brought up in a more conservative manner and teaching. Eventhough the young teens can be real open-minded yet they still have some inner part of them fearing their parents conservative manner. However there are especially nowdays many late teens would not go for abortion unless they really have a very very hard situation.

Just about last 2 weeks ago I got a news from a friend that she was pregnant and of cos she is takin her diploma or degree in college. I knew her for about 7 yrs and I knw her parents and I know her situation so her decision is to send tat lil life inside her tummy to a far far place. The moment she gave me that news it feels like a knife stab into my heart. I feel so bad about it. I do not know how respond to her. I wanted to scold her for being foolish and make her decision 2 fast but when I calm down and think about if I were in her situation what will I do? Ya, of cos I may have make the same thought like her but I may not have the guts because I dont agree abortion as it is so cruel.

At that moment, what I can say to her is "No matter what you do or decide I hope it will be the best for you at the moment and I will support you" (Sounds like I am also helping to murder). So, she decided to send the embryo inside her which was already 6 weeks (ya i know some are 2mths but come on no matter how many days, weeks or mths it's a LIFE) dy to that far place. My heart was filled with pain and anger. I wanted to scold her but I know I shouldnt because she is more than a millions time painful than me or anyone else in the world. So, I rather keep my mouth sealed until one day before her abortion she called me. She told me she is heartbroken and she knew that it will haunt her forever after the whole process. She was strong, she hold her tears even on the phone with me but I know how hurt she was when she spill out the word "murderer". She told me that she is a murderer, she is gonna kill her very own baby, she will never know her baby forever and ever. From that minute she told me, I was shattered into pieces. Imagine I m not being the person who is encountering this can send a knife piercing tru my heart, what else that lady who is the one encounterin the whole situation and calling herself a murderer for her own baby? Mayb that pain of the mothers who have done this, we will never know how hurt and frightening for them. Can you see or feel how terrified she was or those young girls who have the same case? Do you know the heart was broken into pieces which will never be put back into 1 piece as it is a 1 time chance, a 1 time "that" baby? Yes, we will have another baby but its not him/her anymore. Those who never have that experience will never know how deep fucking shit painful, right?

In the end for my friend, it still happens and life go on bringing along the pain, grief and guilt for a very long long path...
So, guys play safe yah and dun make a lifetime mistake or indirectly being a murderer.

May God Bless my Dear friend and those who have lost their lost one as she and them has admitted to the murder, grieving over the lost one, forgive the ones who helped with the murder and hel her to forgive oneself.

My part of sour note...

2008-03-05T17:57:00.007+08:00

The feeling is killed? Who the murderer is, who to blame is over dy. I do not wan to state it out. I really wish it can turn back the time which every said lil words to be not spoken out on that day. It has been a week dy.. Both are my closest girl friend I have known. I like their companion, I love what they are though they have their very own attitude which some might have bring shit feeling to me but I accept who she is and what she is. Both have differen attitude but both have one same attitude which they have so much pride in them. I m not sure whether I m being in the middle or what. And I know my situation is different wit "Miss S" as I have other connection with her besides being a friend. "Miss J" says that I wont have a problem when times can slowly tell n mend the road but the feeling of seeing both of you is just so not right at all. Yea I know, we cant change the fact and thr is lots of unexpected issue will happen in between a human connection but I really wan 2 save this wreck ship but I m so helplessly sitting here unable to mend the wreck ship between both of u.

Friend ma o not?? :S
Maybe time will mend the whole thing but slowly the connection rope will be rotting like a dead body n it will jz break n nnever ever to be like the whole original rope which have been used for almost 6 - 7 yrs time to hold on this friendship. No matter how many apologised u make is all to nothing. They maybe still be friend but maybe tat 6-7yrs of friendship will turn into a whole new awkward different feel of "normal friend" dy..

Yea, I do wanna avoid the whole picture and I do not wan to think about this whole shit between us. Me and her is ok but u n her le? I do not want to be me n her, me n u or u n her, wat I want is us! Will we able to make it into "us" again? Is our friendship that brittle? or Is that you two friendship that is not strong?

I am not sort of narcissistic so I m willing to be the clown for them or being the coward as long we r happy. I have so much friend but not so much can really click with me and not so much makes me wanna share most of my stuff with them. Mayb one day we will be like our old self back to the same old circle having each other around and maybe not. Remembering when we were all young children, dont we jz like to tell our mate that "dont wan friend u liaw" but the very next day in school we r back 2 normal after some letter writing or some shoutin each other. But when we get older, thr seems to be lots of changes dy and thr r issues tht we r unable 2 solve in a simple letter writing or a simple arguments anymore. I guess the trend now is "cold wars" n hell sake I hate cold wars. It makes my mouth stink for not speaking to someone u care n love.

Its not that we lose each other we cant survive, of cos any of us will survive even thr is our closest family member walking away from our life nonetheless of a friend, right? but losing someone still will be a pity for all we have gone tru n being so close.

No expectation and guessing will be the best for me to be sane at the moment.....let it be let it be.....(sigh!)Its bluee.....

"Let it Be" (The Beatles)
When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

And in my hour of darkness
She is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be.

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.
And when the broken hearted people
Living in the world agree,
There will be an answer, let it be.

For though they may be parted there is
Still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be.
Let it be, let it be. Yeah

There will be an answer, let it be.
And when the night is cloudy,
There is still a light that shines on me,
Shine on until tomorrow, let it be.

I wake up to the sound of music
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be.

There will be an answer, let it be.
Let it be, let it be,
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

It's driving me crazy...

2008-03-03T13:22:00.004+08:00

This crack up misunderstanding between us is driving me nuts! Was it all about tat one "bad word" I have said? Or were thr broken pieces in ur heart since the "MSN war" we had on October last yr? Ya, wht so big deal and wats d problem here? I really don know. I have explained and I have make a step forward jz to make sure thgs will be back to the rite track but all you do is tryin to avoid the whole thg or are u still upset bout the whole case till u do not want 2 give us any feedback about the problem?

I really dunno whr or how it started this whole shit. Jz a picture comment and "wooosh" came ur fire burning us? U knw I have smelly mouth, dont you? I have vulgar words sticking on my mouth for my damn whole 15 yrs of life girl! n yet u have known me for about 6 yrs but stil u can misunderstand me jz becos of a "wtf"? I m really getting nuts here for u not replyin my sms and calls and even msn. I even have dreams taht we r not okay in thr! If you wan me 2 apologised for d word I have said. I will for God sake if it mends all our sickening attitude all this while so I m really sorry to you that I have a broken mouth which likes to spit dirty words all the time. All those shit words doesnt bring any intention to you or to anyone I have spoken to.

If this misunderstand gonna end our closeness than I do not know wat else i can says o do as I guess it can only show that we have a weak friendship here baby... I really do not wan that to happen between us. I really hope things can be solve soon and pls dun make me do tht much assumption here all along...

I need some response from you. I do not want us to feel uncomfortable whn the time we gonna meet up or u have decided not 2 meet up anymore? Is it possible? If you r on a mood swings I will let u have ur time to be back 2 normal again but at least give me an answer 2 knw that everything will be allrite in future...

If u r hurt pls let me know and we can talk thgs out if you do care about our friendship. No avoiding is needed between us. We can solve by jz saying out our feeling. Thr wont be any hard feelin if u let me knw wat u have been thinkin about me. Thr is no turning back or eating back wat I have said but jz to spit out ur moment feeling...and If thr is anythg wrong between us all we have to do is let it all out n bring us more closer instead of letting the misunderstand hiding inside to make it worse in our coming days....

We need to have a good chat. I don like cold wars. Thr is no unsolving matters between a very close fren. It really sickening for me to c what and how me, u and her have turn into...this kind of awkward feeling. I m not afraid to let u c my weakness and I have never show ego to you at all and this shows how close I wanna be with you and her. We r all good n close fren and hope thr is nothing big deal bout this whole shit. Mayb jz a talk will dwell all those shit into somewhr far which in future we may sit down and laugh on our stupidity, right?

It hurts to see and I don wan make anymore assumptions for your action cos all I hope is to have a better tomorroww....between us!

What is Love?

2007-11-18T13:11:00.000+08:00

What is Love?

Is it that we all belive that Love is when a sensation that magically generates when Mr and Ms Right meet?

Do you believe that we can create Love anytime? Or you believe your love came by fate and destined? So its all about sensation. Well, if its all about sensation then People actually can fall in love and then fall out of love. If it is about sensation means its based on either physically and emotionally attraction.

Have you ever thought of one day your wife turns into a fat woman? Do that still physically attract you?

What if one day your husband put so much time on his career for the family future and he has no time for affection - will this still emotionally attract you?

If it is not, you will conclude your love relationship is running out of love rite?

Some people will say 'u have to spice up your love life like being more sexy or being spicy on bed for ur hubby' n for the hubby have to learn more romantic and have sense of humor to entertain his wife.

Why don't we think love can be created by

Appreciating another's goodness in which I believe everyone of us in this earth have one goodness inside.
Focus more on a person's good can really makes you love that person more instead of focusing their physical or emotional attitudes.
Open yourself to others by giving more makes you love more and do not complains how much you have given.

Love is always a choice for everyone.....

>_0

2007-11-06T13:58:00.000+08:00

What makes me irritate him?
What makes me an annoying person for him?
What makes me immature for him?
What makes me thought is wrong for him?
What makes me seems so unprecious to him anymore?
What makes me bring no spark in between with him anymore?

Came across is another stage to go through?
Came across is a karma?
Came across is an ending point?
Came across is a change in person?
Came across is a change in attitude?
Came across is the difference between us?

A change is needed?
A go by its way?
A talk to mend it?
A tantrum to be thrown out?
A space is needed?
Or
A goodbye is needed?

Admiration 3

2007-11-06T13:40:00.000+08:00

“To love is to admire with the heart; to admire is to love with the mind”

Today he came and he looks upset
She din know what he is upset about
He wasnt like before as he din talk much
But still he came to the spot
Thats one warm feel she get

She wish to know what is on his mind
She is too shy to ask
So they stand silently for half an hour there
Still not a word come out from both

The time just goes by the silence moment
Then all of a sudden he blurted out a sentence
"I am leaving soon, and I am unable to be here whenever you are here girl"
Her heartbeat stop for awhile and confusion got her mind

She din know what to say
In her mind was blank
And her expression can be shown with a deadly smile
And a sudden she feel like hugging him but sth is holdin her back...

He keeps on looking at her
And he is expecting something from her mouth
He waited for minutes but still there is no word from her
But just a deadly smile on her face and eye glimpsing at the open air

He can feel she is struggling some feeling
He thought is it that hard to spit it out
But then he thinks ya its hard because he himself never spit out what he felt for her
However, he still feel happy because he knew she was heavy hearted after knowing him is leaving....

Admiration 2

2007-11-06T12:17:00.000+08:00

"The secret of happiness is to admire without desiring.” Carl Sandburg

How it started?
He saw her in a library
She saw him there that day
But they din talk
All of a sudden he came sitting beside her
She was doin some research for her work at the public library

Suddenly he says "I have always seen you here and I din know you are their friend"
She just smile to him and remain silent
He ask a lot of question and this annoyed her but she feel there is sth going on
In her mind, she do came across him everytime she is here
He do capture her vision because he is good looking
And he is always in between with those girls
She knew he is popular among them

She have a habit whenever she went to that library
She likes to go to a spot and have a peace of her mind
Slowly she realises he was there whenever she visited that spot
Since from the talking session at the library, they actually makes friend that day
Still she finds him annoying because he just love to questions her

Though he talks a lot and ask a lot but for her she loves d companion
She thinks she is flattered sometime
She thinks he have so much knowledge
She feel secured beside him
Remembering once, she got critisize by one male fren and came him stooding up for her
This click her mind thinking that - ~woman just love man~ and ~man just love mystery woman~

She is the one who talk less and this makes him think she is mystery and interesting
She is the one who have a cool face and this makes his heart pound on his chest hard everytime
Ya, slowly she finds out he actually knows her daily visit time to that library
He knew her time to be at that spot
He din really show up much in the library but at that spot he is always there
Sometimes he just like to tease her
She thinks its irritating but there is warm in her heart

Both have feeling towards each other but they remain to be 'that spot fren'
They met each other there without any contacting
Its all so natural till it seems like they can read each other mind to meet there
Again remembering once, she din went to that spot it tooks him two days to ask her why
Thats was d first time he drop her a call
She thinks its funny because they are just friend at that spot
He told her he was worried why she din show up that day
Her mind runs wildly but she never ask why he is worried
So she conclude that friend is worry about each other
But both in their heart there are more than meet the eye.....

Admiration 1

2007-11-01T15:35:00.000+08:00

"Between flattery and admiration there often flows a river of contempt". Minna Antrim

Do you enjoyed being admired?

He thinks she did not know he was waiting for her and he never express that he is waiting for her. Waiting at the spot she will always be is a daily routine for him and never have a thought of telling her about what he feel or how he feel towards her. The feeling of having a glance of her is just more than enough for him so he never speak a word about his feelings.

For her, it was just a coincidence whenever she went to that spot everytime. Slowly, she feel weird but she never intends to think other way round so she still thinks its a coincidence to see him there whenever she went there. She likes his companion at the spot and she thinks he is great guy and sometimes she feels so secure standing beside him. She told herself, its a friend thing but slowly comes a different thinking in her thought. She hope to see him everyday.

And she ask her friends whether she is admiring him. Her friends told her yes and encourage her to express it to him. Still, she prefer not to said it out and she thinks it is impossible as that 'he' is very good looking and a very knowledgable person but herself is just a simple girl with no specialty. So she remains silence......for those feeling and enjoy his companion whenever she goes to that spot.

He can just make her smile and laugh whenever they meet at the spot. If she is in a bad mood or upset about certain stuff, he is able to make her smile back. He loves talking to her and he always try his very best to earn a smile from her.....

Times goes by...he never stop seeing her. He knew her schedule for that spot. He have jot down the time and day of the week she will be there. And he will always be the first to reach there and of course sometimes he might be late.

Whenever he is late, her mind will run a little wild thinking what happen to him and will he show up today. And of course, he do shows up and this makes her heartbeat skip a lil faster when he shows up. This skipping of heartbeat makes her imagination run wild and its making her harder to breathe whenever they are standing too close.

Now she wonders again whether she should express her feeling.....

Admiring a person is so sweet in a way but its quite torturing in some way.

Momentary~

2007-10-30T12:20:00.000+08:00

Time is clicking fast without any realization. Soon i m becomin a 23 yr old bitch sitting in a couch nothing much done for all tis while. Sometimes how i wish to stop d clock frm clickin but stil its a dream tat can never happen! when young, we owes dream to grow up fast but whn ur age number have reach 2 in da front of ur age, u jz wish ur age number wil remain 1 infront of ur age. Exam is around da corner...n being in uni life 4 3 yrs i have never enjoy or suffer frm hectic moment but tis semester i m relli tired. I never knw i have choose 4 damn subject with so much much assignt hanging thr.

Getting a yr older is nth to celebrate but it is sth to think back hw much u hv done n gone tru. Nth much but jz bein an ass hangin around and puffin da hell out of muh lung here everyday. Of cos studyin is sth to enjoy but nt at tis moment with so much dropping back thr. All i need to do is go forward to strive it back at least a lil bit of way 2 mend my wrongs. Nth was achieve but lots of mistake has done. Sometimes tellin ourself tat mistake is to make us grow but to be quietly think of it is jz some xcuse given to ourself. Perfectism isnt wat i owes wanted but being jz a normal being with some small prinsip is wat i want, however i have broke my own prinsip last yr.

In a glimpse, 2007 soon is comin 2 an end but sometimes wat have happen do haunt me once in a while. Being sensitive about certain issue cant blame myself cos of fearing too much i will go back 2 d circle le. Sometimes thinkin of wat our frens have said o related about wat i have done i jz feel d guiltiness growin inside again. No nitemares about it anymore but every move n step or even evry thought have cross my mind is so carefuly examined n make use of it becos of fearing to make a wrong move or thought again. It has been indirectly affecting me and i m relli tired of it dy but however moving on is still a need....

To think back lying others is jz abundantly painful than being lied~

However, 2molo will be a better day rite? every1 wish me luck 4 my exam yah! hehe! damn~i relli need luck n confidence back to myself! :S

Boring....~

2007-10-22T14:41:00.000+08:00

I never have the time to talk shit in here nowdays, wat else final is so near to my eyeball which it is goonnna be like a spear tryin to poke my eyes! darn! anyway, recently i din have much sleep due to a sudden interest influence by 'Niang' - ya online games! damn! n it is only MSN games! gosh! thinkin back 2 refresh my mind for some games i have played before. I m jz not a good gamer.....n i m owes losing it! shit! haihhh` another research report is due on this friday and i have not start a word yet! whn do they wanna start n wtf is wrong....first ass oledi matai liaw ahhhhhhhh! shiat man! ok ok....i m being vulgarish here.....i wanna blog sth but thgs jz dun get into my mind to spit it out here....

When life is so simple n thr r none cliff for u to climb on n to go down fo and tis end up a person like me who wanna blog but nth to blog! wat a boring donkey ass i m here.....duh! anyway i mite jz stop my bullshit here...n have a look at my ass....n hopefully tis ass wont get any red mark on it again.... damn!

ME&HIM

2007-10-16T12:32:00.000+08:00

Love in d air or Love out of air?

hahahahahaha! err...its been so long i end up like an old couple with him? hmm! i need some heart beating moment at least rite? hehehe! tokin bout heart beat i remembered having a conversation wit Niang about "does i feel heart poundin on my chest when i m wit Ed?" Hmm, i guess now i can give her an answer! Yea! i do feel or it wasnt?! The moment he reach airport, gosh i feel so anxious n i m not sure its a heart beating moment i m experiencin at tat time but jz the rush of blood in my heart nerve is so in speed. Or is it 2mths of not seeing him and having him not around me jz give me a pound in d chest 4 the hell sake of after 2 mths seeing him! hahaha! it was gr8 to have him back here of cos n i got so much to tell him of wat has happen here in tat 2 mths but however thr is thgs left unsaid.

The moment of updating the news n stuff happen on me n here....jz dun interest him at all! mayb thgs jz gone running on my mind now....i dunno wat but i do not have d time or do not have d mood to ask wats happening. He seems normal bt jz lost the taste of hearing my shit n oso lose the feel of me being an annoying ass in front of him. I dun feel hurt but jz another changing stage has occur in him. I tot i will change as well but seems like I need to be more mature in tis relationship. Thr is no more kiddie kiddie attitude hanging between us lor....n thr is no lovey dovey talk here as well....but of cos he stil treat me as usual lah! is tis wat i wan? do i feel sth lost? yes i gueess.....if not i wont be typin tis shit out! damn it! hmm! complicated....human has too many to learn. haihhh! sometimes u jz hope the time wil stop clicking or u jz hope tat thr is nth to learn but jz maintaining it till both ur leg r step in the box! oOps!

Beautiful and Ugly

2007-10-08T11:25:00.000+08:00

"People say it would be terrible if we made all girls pretty. I think it would be great".

James Watson, American Biologist, in NewScientist.com

Sometimes being beautiful or pretty is satisfying and those who are in this category has the most attention if to compare with the normal and ugly ones. They are the one who are actually being ignore and also as a joke for the beautiful ones. Eventually due to this fact those ugly ones are facing at their daily life, they are those who tends to change their genome to turn ugly into beautiful women to remove the sufferings linked of ugliness for them. Do you think it is a good way to handle this fact?

Though being beautiful is a gift of God but being ugly does not mean to be dump-a-side by God or the society. It's born to be so why not accept and appreciate what we have. Sometimes life is just so balance or can we jz call it fair and square? hm! There are rich and poor people all around the world so there are also ugly and beautiful people but sometimes to have a clear view to look at those contrast, we actually can see most rich people are not beautiful and good looking but the beautiful ones are not that rich. Do not mentioned those artists or actors/actresses as we never know what life they are going tru behind the stage or the lens, right? So, which to choose if it is for you? To be natural beauty or to be natural ugly and born in a golden lock or in future to get ur own golden lock?

Life is jz so unpredictable and there lots of unexpected happenings and moments coming towards us so why not live life for the moment.

Which to choose if u? To live life for the moment or live life to the fullest?

Memorable mOment~~we 3 chix have...

2007-09-12T17:51:00.001+08:00

OoOOoo...HoTTie here....dont she have a devil body thr??????? fuck it...slurrping mannn! imagination running wilddd darlzzz~
Me d chang errr....damn my goosebump grows everytime I mentioned chang er on me...eeww...
Darling typical Japanese gal...yes looks like Jap gal o not? Yesh she is true half Jap n Chinese~
Jass on the gooooo...for her gown style....she looks elegant too here....

Okay tis was the first "zhao xin" which make me so chubby n OLD! i dun like!!!!!!!!.....
Tis is the 2nd style...which is nicer lahhh....hehehe
Me and Jass! Jass was like so funky and naughty! wooOhoo...
Me wit the Qing Shu Huang Dynasty costume but they say its Chang er..... look so lady....gooshhh...~
SopHia the eLegaNt chix in us.....damn i like tis pic of her cos its so her...

What to say? How to say it? I was so in stressed at that time when Sophia n Jass ask me to go for a "sau nu" album photo shooting. Duh! At first of cos I say y not since still young then when Jass was so keen on making it work I feel butterflies buzzling inside my stomach dy...yea I feel sick whn thought of the results but then tilll last 2 months Jass n Sophia went to deposit for the whole thg I feel more sick cos the thought of posing in front of d cam a stranger holding it makes my stomach sick again....till then on d 7th of tis month which is James birthday n our trip to Permai to celebrate his birthday was our shooting day n the appointment was 10 in the morning. I couldnt sleep n i got no appetite cos I m not d type who act cute or who likes to act sui infront of a camera. I feel real sick, I was so sick of it, I feel a wave of tsunami covering tat day n making me so hard to breathe jz like I haven smoke for a day. So shit at tat time...n for god sake by the time reach at the studio I feel so uneasy n I m d one to be put on d make up first. My face was so tensed up n all I can do is to curse from my heart. I was like y the hell i come here to make myself like a clown instead I shud feel more like a girl heart which is I come here to make myself pretty and to be angel....duh! It all comes like have to pose like a sweet gal but i m a cho lor bitch...damn it! Till the touch-up of chemical on my face was down the make-up artist told me to go in to d studio I was like stunned so I try to relief myself saying I can do it. Yah, i turn up so differently. It was so not me.... n i was shocked at first cos of make-up can really make someone face so different. However, wat have to come still will come no matter how u give those puppy look to Jass n Sophia it jz wont work...cos they say its a friends album n of cos got solo lah...damn! So my first shot sux i look so stiff inside then slowly it goes well...but of cos i m still so stiff...n luckily the pose was all lead by the photographer so still of cos it sux cos u have to bend knees with heels on it n some tite clothes on u which i m so not used to it duh~....so d shooting goes so ok till d end. So i wasnt tensed up aft tat instead gave me an experience to poose infront a camera n in future for my wedding photo i will be more ready. N its my first time in a gown which I m more qi dai of how i look like when i m in a gown. Well, it goes well...and it was a memorable moment with my 2 chicks which they r d one who gave me.....Thanks a lot of cos to my 2 dearie pretty chix who do not have any tension for the whole time...damn it! :P There are more tto come aft the whole album out....hahahhahaa....

ANYWAY TIS IS MORE ME....SHARON! WAHAHAHAH....

NIC ASSIST OR PALL MALL ASSIST???

2007-09-12T13:27:00.000+08:00

A NicAssist to assist me to stop the urge of smoking. Yesh, sophia bought it for me to QUIT my 9 yrs addiction n companion. All of a sudden really makes me n give me an urge to throw this habit is really hard for me. I do have this keen to quit since one of my aunt have cancer but not becos of ciggy but for living in a healthy lifestyle for her 43 yrs of life she got tat sickness. IT bang me on d face thinking that life is so fragile, it hit me on muh nerve saying that no matter how healthy u r but if u r destined to have a short life no matter how healthy ur lifestyle is there will be a wound coming to u. At first i thought I shud feel more keen to smoke more cos someone so healthy still will have that kind of illness instead it makes me thought of quitting it. I thought of quitting at tht time but ppl jz tell me - "sharon impossible one lar". ya i agree tat its impossible for me. Its so incurable for me n till then I thought wat for quit le since I dun even have d guts to throw a stick wat else a pack of my ciggies. But now, I got this NICassist by my side n it keeps on reminding me u have to quit since thr is a chance for me to stop my urge but d devil beside me saying no used one lah the nicotine gum......

however i tried d 1st piece of the nicotine gum tat day. The feeling of chewing 1 gum started to take my whole system down cos its makes u taste d real nicotine smell n taste in ur mouth really makes me sick but the gum can really helps u to feel the urge of nicotine at ur throat but cant help u 2 stop the urge of inhaling the ciggy part. I m so fear of takin the gum is a waste for me cos i can stop the urge at my throat but not my mouth part but howevr i will give it a try. I need time with my mentality part cos letting off a habit is not ezy. Quitting smoking is jz like turning a new leaf. I m touched becos of telling me to quit but not in saying but in action so now i m so confused bout shud i have an action for those who encourage me to see that I can do it? if i failed what will they think? Confusion came across. I look so independent in outer layer but i m so dependent inside of me....i depend to much on drugs like nicotine but tat ease me cos at least i m not so depending on some other shit. Sometimes to think back i m so foolish to take the habit down inside me but it all has turn into porridge n thr is no time to look back but jz need time to cure myself in future. Give me sometime k....I need time to reduce it but honestly yesterday i feel like throwing the ciggy dy but i do not have the guts. So, I hope tis NiC assIst wont disappoint me myself n the one I love who encourage me....Thanks bro and galssssss! :)) I will add oil to quit it k....:)) Love ya all lotzaaa....

I have to throw one away.......:( n i knw i shud throw which one but for the mean time the left one keep first cos mayb in need...oops:P ehehhehee....

What a memorable moment but none remembered....

2007-09-05T18:11:00.000+08:00

What a memory companion
What a memory smile
What a memory laugh

None was keep in the heart

What a memory pain moment
What a memory sweet moment
What a memory nonsense moment

None was keep in the heart

What a memory debate
What a memory chat
What a memory share

None was keep in the heart

What a memory play hard
What a memory buzz night
What a memory hang over

None was keep in the heart

What a memory joke
What a memory lame thoughts
What a memory singing time

None was keep in the heart

A though of my past n recent...in Kch?!

2007-09-05T14:30:00.000+08:00

When I was in my high school time I m known as the active devil who jz like to go around places to know ppl. I came back Kuching in 1999 from Brunei. Since baby I was brought to grown up at that Muslim peaceful and boring country. When my dad told me, I have to get my arse root in Kuching soon I finished my Form 2 at that moment I was like an ass having so much thought that I was brought up in a boring culture and now U wan me to get my ass back to a developing city which have so many issue and diff type of race place? I feel so shit at that time. Can say i more to depression already cos lots of negative thought came across my mind which are - i m gonna start a new life in a city I dun even know, I m gonna make new friends which I m so fear of, I m going to new school which the thought of studyin my syllabus in MALAY VERSION and I m root to a ENGLISH basis. It was a slow suicide in mind for me to think of a need to adapt new thgs all over again. Then the time came at tat moment when I finish my FORM 2 (which is Secondary 2). When I first step into Kuching a rush of pressure flowing inside me. I cried at that moment thinking to leave my grown up place which I have rooted thr for 15 yrs. It wasnt smooth for me to start all over again. I went to a all-girl school which I hated so much because of their disipline issue, I have to face my terrible aunt living beside me, I have to adapt to a new place which I will get lost if u drop me to a certain place, I have to be a weirdo at school cos they think that I m an english educated child which is so spoil cos I never join any activities in my previous school, I was treated like an alien to those girls cos I cant speak bahasa malaysia or sarawak. Gosh can u imagine when I ask my teacher that I need to go toilet in bahasa melayu which is "boleh saya pergi tandas" n my fellow girl mate jz laff at me saying tat u shud jz say "i mau pergi kemeh lah" n i was like wat is "kemeh".
Things were all unorganised, things were all a messed for me. I lost my appetite, i lost my spirit at tat time. I even went home telling my mum I dun wan to go to school, I went on for hunger strike and locked myself in d room till my bro have to break the door and pull me out of the room n get a good scolding by him. I forced my dad to come back from Brunei. I blamed him for sending me to a place I don like. I blamed him for not letting me to get an O'level cert instead of sending me here to sit 4 a SPM cert which I never heard of it. I was so fucked up at that moment. Then I started smoking to barred my feelings, I started goin out to pub with my grown up cuzzie. I was so wrecked up at that time. Then my dad move back here as well to go tru wit me. And now I feel so guilty that he have to let go his biz at Brunei and stuck here with me which we both really dun like anythg here.
Slowly I go tru with it by knowing a lot of fren outt from my high school which are some grown up teenagers who r some studyin at INTI and IBMS. I learn my social skill from those chicks and bastards. They r some chick who really care bout me and they r bastards who really take good care of me when I m d youngest among them. To think back they r so nice. n I was so glad to have some fren like tat. Howevr, turning myself into a grown up teen by few yrs time I lost contact with those bitches n bastards becos of attaching to someone when I graduated my secondary level. Of cos at tat time I do have some unwanted bitches n bastards which almost ruin my life. Luckily I got a brother who was helpful enuff to help me when I m in trouble. I was known to my family as a problematic child. Till now my mum still remind me bout wat I have done and who I was at tat time. It do sick me whenever she started the past. hehe...anyway watever, now i m back to some sua pa creatures dy cos i do not like to social anymore unless wit some frens whom I got d feel of connecting wit them.
Since Swinburne, I never like there ok...ya same shit with INTI as well when I was doin my foundation thr. I never like most Kch ppl but my mum owes say "U R KCH PPL WAD!" then i was like ok lah..fine then but I m grown up at Brunei orite...duh! anyway, I owes tot those bastard n bitches studyin really shit....cos its either theyy r super rich who got nth to say but jz saying whr to club at weekends and taking bongs...n they r some super nerd who is so bookworm n give looks to a smoker like me...duh! but today i jz realised they r bitches n bastards in tis country is nice n helpful. Urgh, jz can feel d warmth I got today and it was fuckin nice. hehee...however of cos I have good bitches around me which r Kch ppl and they r super nice but direct in words (ooPs) hahahaha...u knw who u r dear.....kekekeke!
Orite i m done cursing so much here n hopefully if some malaysian or kuchingian read this wont put in heart cos tis is jz my thought okie...:) my lil bit of a re-cap of life in kch for 9 yrs.....o 8? hehehe...
Tats...alll 4 2 day........
*missing Brunei, missing friends thr.....*

Without~~

2007-09-04T13:10:00.000+08:00

Everything have to do research and analyze....ur report, ur assignts, ur life, ur lover and even friends? ya we need to have some analyzing part when knowing a fren.

Without analyzing their attitude and values,
Without understanding the analyze make,
Without accepting the understand have found,

It all lead to a conflict circumtances in the heart

Without consideration of opposites feeling
Without knowing an inconsiderate feeling sent
Without thinking before making a judgement towards opposition

It makes all thought the opposites was acceptable with the attitude given

Without letting us know about his/her perception
Without limiting our granted actions
Without telling us the truth of his/her feelings with our judgement or jokes

It circle us around the bush for quite awhile thinking that "its not a problem".

Without a sign of limitation
Without giving us a warn
Without knowing so much hidden identity shown in a sudden

It just blurted out its anger with no mercy

So many of without, but with a quick changes shown to us gave us harder to breathe in between with those unwanted, uncertainty, instable and buoyant feelings. We have gave so much "with" but in the end we got all those unpredictable circumtances hitting our head~

Was it a misunderstanding for all this?
Or its jz a research and analyzation have seen to a point in which that ship will result a wreck on it?

A......feeling of the moment!

2007-09-04T01:10:00.001+08:00

A contribute given
An appreciation not given back
A feeling of slumber came upon

A thought of give
A never thought of take
A feeling of worth it

A give back of not of value
A swallow of d not appreciate value
A feeling of clashes in between

A car jz ran over us
A needle just prick on our skin
A feeling of uncertainty overcome between us

A dagger was sent in between us
A dagger spear into our heart
A feeling of awkwardness is growing already

A shed of blood has dip out
A pain of d wound is endure
A feeling of fiery is form in d body n mind

A wound has turn into a scar
A scar was meant to be a shattered heart
A feeling of loosing the used-to-be closeness

A shattered heart hard to be mend back
A pain will last as long it beat
A feeling of disappointment I take

SicKOo!

2007-09-04T00:47:00.000+08:00

sick head
sick attitude
sick thoughts
sick worries
sick bonding
sick contribution
sick appreciation
sick priority
sick classes (level)
sick worth
sick let
sick lost
sick pretending
sick moment
sick memories
sick sick sick
sick of every single shittttttttttt~~

Friends byway or friends of the heart...

2007-08-21T15:53:00.000+08:00

(friendss.....)

It's so simple to take good friends for granted and some say or most says in a sense - we should be doin it -.

Friends byway...

(Part of our life journey with a short-term length but very appreciated)

They are the one who always make you laugh whther u r hangin out with them out at the mall or attending a class or for even a drink or in the phone and in which this kind of fren jz by giving us a mere look ccould crack us up. Other than tat, u and tat fren byway of urs had a lot in common than those humors which u and him/her would have uncountable conversations at all hours of the day and night about anythg from ur favourite rock music to the signification of life and also to talked on self-fears,futures n relationships. All this means no lightweight of relationship here which this kind of frens helped each other to survive but when the journey's ended the friendship faded as well. Just like when you r in ur college time so by the time both have graduated then each walk off to their own road and time goes by the contacting of each other turns to none...

This is not a bad thing or r we having a failed friendship but just some frienships are meant to be momentary. Like cowboys who ride hard 2gether for miles sharing both dusty perils and countless night in the woods with campfire coffee and burnt birds to share. Well, we beings live a long path which leads us to have friendships that come to their natural end which is not because of unable to pair with each other but simply because of the path we has run out. Since its an end of trail together then its time to move on to other thgs or other companion...

Though its the end of this kind of friendship but we have to understand these r not a wreck ship we have build but jz a friendship of the road which we all equally share all the necessary,and treasuring each other. They r the one who get us throught a particular strectch of road which we should feel grateful and appreciate the moment of it and make it as a joyful memories.

Friends of the soul

(A true friendship has an old strength like a steel chain)

These friends-they could tell you or anyone more about myself than your siblings. They are the one who know your mood swings and your family history/background and they are the one who have watched you mount and seen you fall as well which this type of friends is so unlike with friends byway cos these guys have stayed with you beyond the road end. No matter how long the path need to be taken and miles that we have to intervene still the friendships endure.

These type of friends will never be lost in contact even we r being faraways and this r the friends whr we rendezvous at weddings and passing tru each other's town if we on a business trips, plans reunions on special days and also shared vacations trips together. They who does not weight thoughts or measure our words but to share all the ups and downs with you just like a pair of hand.

They are the one who cries and laugh with you and spend their times with you when u r in need of a shoulder to lie own and listened to ur grumbles and rantz. They are the one who pins out ur good and bad habits and till the level of accepting it but never fear of tellin you the truth cos he/she will be by ur side to go through the facts that u do not wan to be face and accept. They are the one who knows ur success and happiness in d first place and also they r d one who share their favourtie foods and drinks with you eventhough you have a cough or flu....An achieved real friendship does not matter ur ship is wrecked or make of gold cos wat they appreciate is the bonding relationship between u n him/her...

However, this 2 types of friend are both we need and none is more important the other and wht we shud matter is how to outlast a relationship.....

My stupidity

2007-08-17T00:53:00.000+08:00

A mistake made because of stupidity is hard to be flush away from ur mind. The backbreaking of it is not the whole process of d mistake tat have made but is the fact of it happen! I m fill with guilty with that done mistake and I feel so blind when to think back bout it. Its a clear picture of a mistake in d first place yet I was so blindly to walk on it and found myself drench on it. A done of stupidity turns me into a fucking bitch bringin the fear of karma when I in my sleep.
What done is done...and its over. Ppl made mistakes and ppl will turn over a new leaf but a stupid mistakes made before bring myself questioning my own levelheadness, my sanity, my rationalism, my conscientiousness,at tat moment I chose to step into that road with lots of wacky,insane,ridiculous and unrealistic drive of road. Every moment I thought back of it jz makes me feel queasy and filthy in mind and soul. Its not tat ezy to forget a deed which is done with stupidity but however thr is no turning point I can make but live from it though it pains me to face it. I was not hurt because of the vulgarish act but the act of choosing a path tat was so clearly stated its a hell road still I choose to fall in that hideous,filthy,impure,immoral road. And it really turns on my affliction was my foolishness of affecting or almost letting go of my studies which is a road with reality and saneness.
It hurts to fall hard from a stairs and it hurts that I have to always remind myself about that done mistakes to keep my mind to be vigilant of my deed so that I would not have another fall because of my sillyness and stupidity. Ya, sometimes when someone or friends mentioned or talked about that issue I feel a flow of sluggish act I was once doin it.I should be more prudent and sensible yet I was so ignorant and irresponsible at that moment. I hate myself (I never have d guts to admit this) yesh,I hate myself for my deeds. I hate it and I wanted so much to turn back the time. But no, I have to accept it and I have to clinch it no matter what. There is no point of clenching on a mistake and make my life miserable. I can stand up and I do show that I have stand up quite steadily at least though sometimes I feel puny emotionally when I am all by myself.
Oh well,its SO DAMN OVER AND MOVE ON....:))

A worry of how to go through this mistakes,failure and comparations of ur deed by others...and this is why I blog about feelings,comparations,worries,mistakes and failure. a thought of all those i was goin tru step by step and I m overcoming it...

P.S: DUde u can go tru it! wakakakaka! I dun like to grumbles on my sadness,pain or watever emo issues in front of u guys cos its all my filthy faults seek by me MYSELF so I got none to blame but myself and I feel self-disgusted about it..

Icy Rain by Andy Lau (Translated by ME) ;)

2007-08-15T17:51:00.000+08:00

I am in wait for a girl,
Or I am in wait to sinks into a sea of bitterness,
This bit of love was secretly irrigated,
None care about the flowers bloom or withered,
A love that can't be clinched,
moving unsteadily back and forth,
I can only jolt my affliction deep into my heart

I am waiting for your return,
But you gave me a reply "serve you right"?,
Ownself silently in a daze,
Yet two people in an awkward position,
How can a good love can slowly turns so bad?

The cold icy rain shivers haphazardly on my face,
Mixes my warm tears with the winter rain,
The color of my vision suddenly hidden,
Your obscurity loiters insensibly besides me

You are just like an executioner who have betray me,
As if my heart has been ripped by a dagger,
A love on a steep cliff,
who would be willingly to accept the most hurtful unexpected intentions

A love on a steep cliff,
who is bold enough to grasp it,
And with willingness to accept the most hurtful unexpected intentions,
Most beloved girl....

ANDY LAU! BOYFRIEND (SONG NAME AH!)

2007-08-14T20:07:00.000+08:00

HANDSOME NYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~*SLURP* OOpPS!

Failure....

2007-08-12T21:49:00.001+08:00

What do you ppl fear most? I jz realise my most fear is FAILURE! FAILURE IN WAT? thr lots of failure, like failing in ur exam, failing in a relationship, failing in a business, failing in a friendship, failing to be a good son/daughter in ur family, failing in ur working performance....so many more! n i guess every1 is fear of failure! for me FAILURE is d most dirtiest word! shiet! In 23 yrs of life, i knw i have more failure to face but all tis while I have failure in my exam, n failure to be agood friend n oso my most failure is bonding relationship with my mother! I ever think of giving up bonding it back since I have time by time failing on it! But this time I guess I have gain back a bond n tat is to confront n confess my wrongs n oso being more patience between each other. As for exams, i guess thr is no 1 to blame but ownself buut some teens do think of dying if they have too much failure in studies or relationships. But I guess confronting it n facing then try ur best to mend it will overcome more pressured feelings in ur mind.
When some1 is in a failure they try their best to escaped from it n some r pressured by it n brings us down to nervous and anxiety manner. Every1 have diff fear of a failure but being blaming urslf for not tat good or wad lah its not a good way to solve it jz like worries. So, y not face it and admit its a wrong already n it has happens already. Jz like some broken relationship, if it is broken dy n u have try ur best to heal or bond back but thr r none result shown of a turning point then its time to forget everythg n move on. Living with mistakes is not good but living away from mistakes n making ur mistakes or failure into an achievement in other part is excellent right? who never falls down? who never got hurt? every1 does..

If u urself cant cope up wit wat u have fall, try talking to some1 bout it,try imagining to overcome it with the worst situation so at least if u dun fall hard its not tat pain but if u do fall hard then at least u r ready for it,then its time to give urself a chance to stand-up again - but some ppl may think to start pushing d blame on others can give themselfs a relieved to reborn themself, its wrong for doin this cos we will get back to d circle half way tru...so y not jz take the whole failure blame n swallow it inside u n digest it out, having somthg to fall back on is oso another way to face n accept ur failure in a healthy style like some ppl turn to their religion for help or as a back-up or some of us will develop a new strong personal relationships to back themself up and realizing tat a person cant do everythg by himself/herself and lastly is face the whole situation and live through it but prove ourselves that we can survive the whole failure n to start all over again!

Crimes getting out of control? Or Human Beings blood turning cold~

2007-08-12T21:04:00.000+08:00

Have you ever thought of a killing crime case happen so near to you? Or have u ever thought of a murdering case happening in ur own land? For me, watching movie or reading others nation case got lah, but happening so near to me and my house never cross my mind at all. And if I happen to witness one 1 day i think I will have a total freak-out anxiety or heart attacks. Duh ya, but yet it happen!

Another scary crime stories came across our land here. Last Thursday a 33 yr old girl was killed at a night entertainment outlet n heard tat it was at 1 of d central park karaoke. She was stabbed 3 times on her chest n her throat was slit...n d scary thg is tat d news spreaded tat it have to do with relationship problem. Another fucking case was a body found in a FRIDGE n was CHOPPED into 11 PIECES and the guy parts were wrapped in 5 DUSTBIN BAGS! GOSH! And the suspect is his wife....n the suspect is then KUCHING PPL! orang kch ehhhh~ a lady in her 30`s suspected murdering her husband in a condo and chopped her husband into 11 pieces! Gosh! Humans r getting inhumanity dy...whr is our warm-blooded value? whr d hell is it? a month back was a child case and in this month thr r so many cases which involve about human takin another human lifes. Wow, it seems so easy huh~ jz a bit of imagination about killing ppl with no difference of ppl slaughtering animals! darn it~All this crime stuff is getting fucking serious as day by days go by....n nowadays ppl cant even have a good sleep about those fucking robbers stuff n now come about news like woman murdered her own husband n chopped him into pieces then kept is remains in the FRIDGE for about 2 yrs? n thr r woman got murdered in public places which every1 in kch owes hang out at for supper,or for a beer in d kopitiam..gosh~! so living in tis world is full of danger already n becos of all this news our parents stop us from getting home late n even stop us from goin to those nightlife entertainment~but to think bout it -today never knw wat happens by tomorro...o tis mins we dunno wat will happen d next mins! Haihhh....being low profile in d society is a good way to avoid this kind of killing conflict...n also if u do find ur partner or any fren got any violence character then better to stay 30 meter away from him/her n try not to offend this type of person cos u wouldnt knw anytime they jz get a knife stab u to death n chopped u into pieces! Oh ya, sometimes we young ppl or even older ppl shud learn to talk with more proper manner cos thr r too many bad eggs who can bei song to u,me US anytime n who knws we will get beaten (very lucky lor) or got murder anytime,anywhr,anyhow....N also our eyes shud learn not to "siong" ppl too much~mana mana tahu u siong tiok some siaw ppl then bei song again! sheesh! y ppl so eng nowdays huh! EEwwWWww!

Worries:)?!

2007-08-10T01:54:00.000+08:00

Worries? chinese saying -->忧虑! we human beings r fills with worries every sec, mins, hours and day!!! We worry about our exams results, our jobs, our financial stabiility, our love ones n lots more...n its from day to nite n day to nite again. Thr is never a ending road for worries as long our heart is still beating in this world. When d worries road comes to an end tat means its time for our heart to stop beating n we will be living under d ground we have all step n walk with or we will be fading in a sea or air jz like dust (if we r burnt):P

Worries is also another feelings or mood or emotions. Mood (心情) of worries make ppl feel sad n sick. Seriously, it can lead us to have gastrics, anxiety attacks, depression n many more. D worse thg is it can bring us down with our own pathetic world n tryin not to face the real world. So, y keep ourself worrry since it cant help us to solve problem at all but bring more negative or side effect to our life. I know, worry is sth we all normally will have n ponder with. I cant deny i do not have any. I m a worried-person all d time but i kept it all inside me,very d inner me which is mostly my nite time. Ya, keepin worries inside is not good too but sometimes blurting too much worries out oso bring us no where to go but stuck in a sad position n makin ur loved ones to be stuck wit ur worries as well.
Worries thg stuff ah will haunt human being till d end of each individual life. So, since we r always haunt by it so jz keep it simple n ezy n try not to ponder about it too much which will make u a dull person or a sick ass sitting anywhr with tat shit face? oops again:P If 1 day i m wit tat shit face ah, u ppl jz hit me on d face n say go read ur own fucking writing. hahaha~ nah, i owes bring my worries into my sleep. So, try makin urself bz is also another solution.... worries will never fade so y not face the truth n fact bout it n dun try to blame others for d bad facts :)

Bored to half dead dy...

2007-08-09T19:59:00.000+08:00

I am so boring~ damn it! Life without him is killing me dy.....everyday n nite no 1 to talk with. I need some1 to make a nuisance with! damn it! cant call him coz he is working, cant sms cos he is working....damn~ i m getting imbalance soon. wat else i got grounded! damn it damn it!
Boring boring boring boring!
Class is damn boring n scary....jz 1st week we r all overload with assignments dy n i dun even know which to start cos I haven find my group yet. darn darn.....errrrrrrghhhhhh! NORMAN N JASS! I NEED YAM CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA TIMEEEEEEEE~

Comparing...

2007-08-09T14:30:00.000+08:00

Y thr is comparation in tis world? everyday,every mins, every sec n every 1 is trying to compare themself with someone, compare thgs with other similar thgs, being compare by old ones amongnst ur siblings, compare tat n tis lah. Wat comparations most ppl made?? Comparation oso got stage of life eh huh!?
When we were in primary school, our parents compare our results wit d neighbours kid, our uncles n aunts kid, schoolmate at school. Wat for? we r kid n i guess its not us who wanna win o when lose we feel ashamed but our parents, our old ones. duh~ another stupidity those adults like to play with.
When we are in secondary school lor, besides the same shit we r being compare which is our academic compare by our parents but thr is slightly diff at tis stage which is we ourself tends to learn n will compare about it. But besides we OURSELF tryin to compare our academic performance with those whom our parents have been teaching us to compare with, we even try to compare looks or a more proper saying PHYSICAL APPEARANCE. Other than tat thr r some of us who will compare about their family financial background(ehem,daddy $$ u compare outside with ur fren-so silly hor?) oOps! Okay, then to a certain age like around 15 to 17 we tend to compare bout our boyfren/girlfren stuff like anythg. same shit wit looks, money, intelligence n blah blah as long thr is smethg to compare they will do it. hehe...becoming more like our old ones? stupidity? nah, or mayb comparation can bring humans to determine more n ask for more perfectism stuff in their life? hmm..duno lah~
Aft all 5 yrs comparing boys,girls,looks,rich blah blah blah it goes on again eventhough we r reaching our 20's. Ppl still do complaints n compare stuff we used to do in high school but now we r backing a bit n tat is comparing who got to go UNI or COLLEGE? n who gonna graduate faster? n is tat comparing intelligence? hehe...dunno~ other than tat we oso compare wat n how much our boyfren have given us like gifts?money? blah blah...ya..even wanna say how much is those gift? let say u got a teddy bear then thr is some fren will jz laff at u..."eee,y ur bf so cheap eh?" lame isnt it? hahaha...jz an opinion here k. Other than tat, thr r comparation bout how well ur life is than the others? Thr r ppl who oso compares their present boyfren/girlfren with their ex-bf or ex-gf which is not good wat cos they r all different ppl lah. Come on lah they come out from different h*les wat~(dodido...:X). Sometimes even good or close frens ppl still tends to compare with them. is tat a close fren? wonderringg....
Then to the stage of working, we still compare again....like k how good is ur work? your pay? mine higher? hahahaa...eh"we same uni worr,but u get a lesser pay n a bad working environment?" u c thr r so much to go on....
Till we r all married, we compares our hubby lah, wife lah, kids lah, hahhaa....tis part we have recycle back to our parents path...isnt it a karma? i mean when v r kids we dun like our parents to compare us with cousin,brothers n sista or kids from school.. n when we r in d stage of our parents we compare our kids with others ppl kid liaw. haihhh~recycle...
Sometimes I do think y have to compare? since we r all individuals with diff abilities, diff bacckground n oso diff level of intelligence. How much u compare thr isnt a good answer always but jz negative points n thoughts will phsycho ur mind n which make u feel sick n sad. sometimes it can till to d extend of hurting ur friendship n relationship. I never try to compare with any1 in my 22yrs of life but thr is only 2 thg i owes try to complains n compare which is 1stly my brother-->he is owes smarter than me n my mum likes 2 compare me with him.
2ndly my mother-->ya i do feel y i cant be very close with my mum like others girls do.
Thats it....
So, sometimes i wonder tryin to look good jz 4 others to c? i think tryin to look pleasant is enought. Comparing financial stability or being successful in d society of cos we have to compare so that we got aims or goal lah. But come on lah, who don wan to be rich. Jz work it out urself instead of wastin time tryin to say who is richer lah, who is more ability lah...haiya..:P As for intelligence i guess this is all by nature or u r born like tat then bo pien liaw...so dun force urself lah if u dunno how to do it....jz like some kids they got force to study very hard to get flying colours n in d end they spend most of their time at mental hospital or "rumah sakit jiwa". Be usual is enough as long u have done ur real best then its ok rite? dun care how or wat ppl tryin to say bout it n self try not to compare wit others tat much then u will have a happier life i guess...jz be urself:)

TIME ticking...fast?

2007-08-08T13:58:00.000+08:00

I wonder if it is when all of us grew older, time seems to be not enough all the time. Its like the clock is clicking or ticking so fast tat a day can jz pass in a glimpse. To think back, when we r still kids, how we hope d clock will tick faster so tat we can jz end our school session n get back home to play but now though studyin in uni d time-table is more flexible n relaxing but for me I feel like I always dun have enuff time for tis n tat. Jz like today, my class was in d morning 8.30am-10.30am n by d time i finish my class,went to lunch wit mum n dad n drive myself back home its already 1 sth in d afternoon. Half a day has jz pass like tat with no thg achieved or gained. Since reached home I arranged my damn time-table which is a mess with lots of clashes here n thr then d time is jz gone for an hour dy.
Ya,its 2 pm already n few more hours our sun gonna set n night gonna fall out. N when we get to sleep n wake up. Tomolo is another day again. Feel so wasted o feel like "cho boh lan" duh! Tats d thg, sometimes i still feel yesterday we jz celebrated our new yr but now its already d month of AUGUST! And 4 more mths to go, we r gonna celebrate another new yr...the faster we feel d time tick, the older we feel n d more circumtances or problems or stuff awaiting in front of us to face n to solve. who knws in a glance of a period of time in which we dun feel its goin slow as we r gonna b buzy allocating a better life,jobs, feeding kids n bla bla blah...then suddenly we take a break 2 c how much n wat we have gone tru n by dat time we jz realised we have live half of d century dy? hahaha....jz like our parents they grow up,work,married,raise kid,work n work n work n now they r all fill with grey hairs at their head n we never know when they will leave us from tis world to do their step by ourself.
To think about it, a sick feeling jz fill up our body. Feel so sick 2 face those unbearable pains, feel so sick tat we r gonna face d world by all ourself....so y not have a think about time can be gone so fast n if v r still stuck in some old thgs which will not be ours anymore, then wats living a life for? move forward is d best n face the reality:D
Time is owes precious so y not make our life precious too by living it to d fullest. U never know wat will happen tomoro so y stuck urself up in somethg that has no turning point? Unless those who feel tat thr is stil turning point or they have more time to wait n wait for it.....

Heartbroken or Heartbreak

2007-08-08T01:58:00.000+08:00

Heartbroken or heartbreak is jz a simple word we used to hear from or said to someone and it is also a very normal situation to most of d people in d world especially in todays world or todays youngster or even at most adults. But y thr r still ppl unable cure from a heartbreak?
Heartbroken is a very weird affliction in which can give us human an intense pain in d heart n emotions which we all physically cant c the d injury on our body. It also can make us go over n over of d past n slowly n dashly make ourselves compelled with so many many diff ideas n even fantasies to overcome our pain. Is this a right way? Nah! If we do keep on like tat it will jz make our own feeling worse. Of cos when an important love relationship ends thr will be lots of different responses triggering in our mind cos of d feeling of loss n pain. As we know, wat brings us to have a love relationship? -->FEELINGS rite? ok wat ended us wit heartbroken?-->FEELINGS also? Ya i think most of all yes...y not feeling? we love some1 becos we jz hav d sensation of adoring tat person. we break up becos of losing d feeling towards tat person u used to love? but of cos nowadays its not only feelings but lots lots of different factors dy which is those realistic o materialistic factors lah. Okay, back a bit bout feelings. It is something tat is so vague in idea n a flow of sensation sending down to our heart n mind in a very unpredictable timing or way. It is sth so hard to maintain,fulfill,accept n oso a very uncertain, hidden,complicated sense build inside us.
So, all this heartbroken,feelings is all about emotions. It make us pain, distress, angry, sad, devastated, imbalance of life, lost track, despair,regretful,jealous...it goes on n on wit those negative terms n slowly it will jz bring us into depression n if we dun think of a way to heal ourself then we cant really move on wit our lifes anymore. So,ppl wit all this bereavement,parting of relationship n suffering pls cure urself n stand up again. Set urself a period of time to grief n aft d time pass then stand up again n look for a new start k. All this parting n suffering r unavoidable parts of our life.
To heal urself try to not to be DENIAL ->tryin to not accept what have happen and 1 is already accept BUT FEEL ANGRY ABOUT IT. However, when we r in heartbroken situation feeling grief is a natural process to go tru it but dun take so long cos thr others outside ur world waitin n wanting u...so dun get stuck n keep on repeating d same hurtful feelings over n over again. Also try changing some normal habits u were having n lead urself to a new habit n lifestyle to put d distressful part at d back of ur ass n make a fart of it k...
Losing a love or a heart wont destroy ur life cos thr r still SUN n MOON, DAY n NIGHT, jz like thr some others which can bring colors n beautiful moments to ur life. Road is still a long way to go so y not take those past as a sweet memories as u knw thr r still happy moments while we r with our previous love or relationship.
So, cheerz up no matter wat happen. Always remember to set a time 4 urself to mourn bout d pain n when its time over get back to ur life n stand up high again....
Even when 1 day our parents or our beloved one part from us from tis world we still have go onnnn cos v r still living n breathing...so wat else jz some broken relationship? Time to mourn n time to smile...its a recycle:)
So cheers up when u r done with ur mourning:D

I m still in shock...

2007-08-07T14:54:00.000+08:00

Never thought of living my life for 22 yrs who never have a problem of going out late or go out often but becos of 1 huge mistake me myself had make n choose to confess it all to her n i m grounded by both parent. Mum have change her strategy, she is not like b4 anymore in which is by scolding, grumbling n making u wanna burst to quarrel with her instead of she use a gentle way of telling u n advising u n oso a gentle way of telling - "u must stay home more dy k becos of ur mistake which have let us so disappointed n u r a grown up dy so u better c ur limit n handle ur own schedule k" - gosh isnt tat scary? if u r my mum's dotter u will feel scary all of a sudden she chat wit u nicely n slowly. Sigh...
So u c, Wanna go out oso need to c d timing, c whose bridge i can borrow to cross. Its my 1st day of being warned n grounded n i m so not used to it dy..Wat a joke...22yrs old got grounded! dang! hahaha...oh well, life! its always unpredictable n my road of life all tis while got lots of surprising thgs happen beside me. Ya, Jass u r right I got full of excitement stuff happening in my life but not colorful one n its jz all grey k.
N all this is so mind suicidal for me. A sudden change of mum being so understanding, a sudden change of all d bad thgs turn out to be solved easily with a wink of an eye, a sudden feel of luck is on my side now....ya so many sudden...so many unacceptable sudden n i m bit of having a problem to digest it all in jz a glimpse.
Though thr is a sigh of relief, but sometime when thgs turn so upside down of wat u xpected its jz hard to accept wats it. But in d fact it have happen so all those emotion days, depressing days, stress-out days has all of a sudden jz turn into nothing jz like a puff of smoke from ur mouth n fade-out in a secs. Duh~
Yr 2006-2007 dilemma is jz like tat n its jz poof or done by like tat. It stil makes me wonder how can it be so easy n simple but I guess its time to let go dy as d outcome has shown so I wanna say bye bye to those stupid thgs I have done n let it 4ever disappear from my mind n heart. YEA! kekeke!
NOw I can SHOUT OUT LOUD "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"! HAHAHA...yeehaaa....
P.s: Norman dun depress liaw lahh..thr is owes a way out lah k....c to d brighter side yaa...:D

A miracle? A change of Fate? O jz Change of ME n MUM~:D

2007-08-06T01:22:00.000+08:00

Hmm...I suppose to watch my tvb drama series but ending up my mum came in my room n chit chat till now. So surprisingly....well, it has been so long I dun have a good chat wit her dy o shud i say I never have a real long talk about lots of thgs with her with a peace ending (hehe...ya v din end up quarreling or end up unacceptable thoughts).Yesh yesh a chat till now (1sth in d morning) . Guess a yr of 2007 was a good start at all. A change of me being more patience towards her attitude of me in her heart the bad n likes to fight back wit her all d times dotter. N d change of me being silence this whole yr no matter how temperate i was inside me. Guess its worth of it to change.
Ya, can see thr is changes of communication style between me n her. Ya, i do take d advice from Edmund n James. Firstly, the thought of 2 slow 4 a change but I guess its all not too slow yet. hehe! Can feel d way of most daughter in d world to have a lil chit chat session wit mum is jz so nice n comfy. Feel so warmth inside...mayb she have change too...guess James did tell her sth. Mayb both of our thgs need a third party to cure us..
Ya, its all of a sudden lots of changes n living 7 mths ahead of yr 2007 was really great all tiz while....
phEw! Being stubborn doesnt help or solute thgs out n being patience n being more tender is 1 solution to handle both our relationnshipp...Hopefully, those grey days n shit stuff happens b4 is all wipe off from tis yr on...n thr r owes rainbows n colors of life. It jz need time to wait for ur turn gua..so I have waited one dy...n hopefully thr r more 2 come n of cos I wont say i wont have another grey days but being more mature to handle it liaw bah....
hMmm, guess i can have a good nite sleep n tomolo 2 start a new semester again...with books,words n lecturersss...*eew* urghhh! hehehehe.....
Unable to stop d feeling of posting it out of wat happen jz now...d feeling of it err...i dunno how to described lah but frens who know me guez they know how great n satisfaction i m feelin noww.....:)) smile till wit double chin liaw lor...kekekeke...nitez!

Backiee....

2007-08-05T21:43:00.000+08:00

Wow, its been a week I din post anythg at all. Was kinda bz wit my firking enrollment day n firking family politics (keke), n my very very own firking personal relationships. Really need some time of reality way n thinking to face tat 1 dilemma... n ya it took me 1 week 2 think clearly to take tat action to settle d most dilemma thg have happen to me in my 23 yrs of life. darn! Yay,done done done or settle settle settle.....*pheW*
Shud i jz shout out loud "YEEEHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" or "yeeePeeeee"? hehehe....i m not shouting out loud yet but inside of me a relief of sigh flowing all over my nerve! I wanna thanks GOD for givin me another chance...:) okay okay stop all these drama drama act for a while...
Firstly to say sth which is SWINBURNE enrollment day SUX MY ASS OUT FOR FIRKING 3 HRS lining some queue which isnt a queue at all n yay u HAVE 2 LEARN TO CUT QUEUES if thr is any queues u gonna make in SWINBURNE damn it! anyway got to enroll at last wad...n over 4 about 4 days liaw lah so my gas a bit cool down liaw (inglishy gud le?) was a bit firked up wit words n mind thinkin tis few days so dun even wanna post anythg in case it become more mess up than those post. Bad english n grammar is like tat one lar! duh~
Secondly, er...i prefer to keep it confidential accept 3 of my frens knew bout it n i knw tat is my most fucking shitty thgs i have done n my most sickening dilemma which have been haunting me for more than half a yr...so kinda settle in a way...:P
Thirdly is, I m all alone again cos my soulmate or my dear have jz left me for his outstation duty n he is leaving me for 2-3mths. Darn! Tis is d 3rd day for not havin him beside me n at 1st i thought i m so not ok wit it coz I was having too much personal n family prob in which I need some1 2 stand beside me, to console n support me. But it jz happen, wanna go off one still have to go off n one wanna stay to face all d shits still have to confront it n face independently. sigh~it was quite over dy though. So I guess I still can stand up myself but I still miss him a lot n quite hurt tat he have to work so late everyday n I dunno y I m being so lovey dovey towards him lately n yah i miss his smells. damn! anyway, done with 3rdly...:)
Lastly, yea class startin tomorrow...n time table kinda sick cos quite pack as I have 3-4 classes in a day but not everyday of cos n tis I can accept but to attend class till 5.30pm n 1 have to be till 7.30pm really makes me sick. But at least I can skip some of my dinner cooking session. *giggles*
Ya I m done wit most of my 1 week updates which is jz boring as usual...hmm! wanna write sth more but mind is jz not workin at all...:S

mayb i wil think of sth to post soonnn....hopefully soon cos i jz realised I have finish downloading d 5 episodes of my tvb drama series -"the drive of life". keke! Okayz...better start watchin n start downloading another 5 episodes....

Oh no!!!!!! I have suddenly thought of 1 shiat not settle yettttttt!damnn...n tat is takin studio photoooooo...urghhh~ ok ok...Jass n Phia tryin to give me memory of being a "sau nu"....errrrghhh..goosebumps growing~ dangggg! I will pay soonn...hopefully...n la la seng finish it fasttt...:P ekekeke! *snarlz*:Z oh ya, if tis photo taking session end up a bad n a clowning xperience 4 me then i m sure i will have some phobia in my future wedding photo session:P

Okay, done wit my crapz....tata..

Girls needs and wants& conversely I dun have it at all..-_-"

2007-07-28T12:03:00.000+08:00

Okayz...here I m gonna list 10 thgs a typical normal girl, ladies or woman will have n will do. As those who knows me this is a female blogging here k n read on wat so diff bout me. B4 starting that list in d same time tat is those 10thgs I dun have...n do k. Wat a girl I m! This is jz mayb I have more manhood cells inside my body instead of more girlishness inside me o outside of me..wateva! :P~Ya, sometimes i do wonder I m a girl as I wore more like a boyish style, sit like guy, talk loudly like some hooligans (:P) n likes to use vulgar words all d time. Orite I aint no lesbo ya, I like male species k n I do have 2 bump of mountain in front of my chest in which I never have any intention to shrink it smaller like some man-wannabe n thr between my legs r flat in shape k..But I like Sammi Cheng's "pui ki tio" chest...(*winks*). Anyway, diff ppl have diff interest wat. Here goes the lists:

1. Pefectly ladies wardrobe filling with trendy clothes,pants,evening dresses or bla blah -it goes on in which i dun really knw wat d hell it is and adversely a girl like me who only have t-shirts,jeans, athletes shorts but of cos I do have skirts lah but its only d number of 3 in my wardrobe. N i have not own any evening dress yet.
2. Make-up kit! o lipstick...okay, I never buy any lipstick n I dun put make-up! but sometimes i do some eye-lining part n mascara-ing my darn short "atap-chu" eyelashes. Duh me~
3. Shoessss, heels which ladies r owes a-must-have diff type n colors of heels o shoes! Contrary I dun wear heels accept for my damn course presentation period o sometimes when I m down to some bar drinking...trying to dance with it. N for ur info i have only 2 heels sitting inside my shoe rack. Ya i m owes a slipper slave...:s
4. Hair make over- in which most girls will do...whenever thr is a new trend! Guess wat I m owes on my pony-tail n in which its owes in a mess no matter whr I go till last yr I was confront to cut it short with some bob-hairstyle which for me doesnt really looks like one. But they r some says I look better in short hair (still wondering I shud keep it back long again-urgh I miss ponytail) .
5. Handbags - gosh its ladies need! N for GOD sake I never carry any n oso I dun use wallet or purse n tat is y my notes is owes scrambled inside my pocket in which everytime i took it out it jz looks like "scrambled eggs". So u can imagine I dun even have a tissue pack wit me.
6. Accesories in which most gals would own a lot to match their beautiful worn-outs. Ya, I dun have any of those accept I wear a gold-necklace n an anklet n some rings which is gold too. But I m fancy in earrings as I got few piercings. :p
7. Hmm, wat else!? Perfume rite? to smell nice n attractive...n nah I dun really use it unless I m on some occassion.
8. Fashion Magazines - orite this I read most of d time but not trying to cope my style but jz to gain some new trend knowledge n oso to peep for new lease of handphones...ya some magz have those advertisement of handphones k.
9. Shopping - Urgh, I hate shoppings k unless I m gonna shop for handphones (do di do..) or sometimes jz shop for more xtra shirts n jeans lah.
10.Bitching - OoO! tis suits me, i do bitch a lot..wahahaha...bitching is good...so 1 point up i m a girl (duh!)
Okay I can only think of 10 thgs...n who can list out more for me about a girl must have. Oh ya I aint one LV fans or Gucci fans as well but I would like to own one Prada shoes one day:) hehe...n I more into Guess in which their tees only n their jeans nahhh..i prefer levi's more as it can make girls booty more bootylicious...hehee...

$525.00 (Oo!ELEGANT) $273(cOmfy)
Ya those r so so me! In which I aint have anythg sounds like a GIRL wat else to b a lady...sheesh! But I m comfy d way I m n howeva of cos I wanna get a reform 1 day....haha! *rolling my eyes*
(SEE THE DIFF - L-R ->JAsZ,mE,PhIa)
P.S: I do doubt when I was looking for a stomach to bore me out - did i run too fast till i lost my hood n birdy? wahahahahaha! stupid joke here..:P

Marriage a bliss or disaster?

2007-07-27T00:47:00.000+08:00

What we young generation think about marriage? Sucks, nightmare, a dreadful road of commitment or a some think they cant live with each other for jz a period of time when their chemical romance is boiling to d highest temperature then in another few mths they r actually bored of each other?

Changes thr r already changes in our generation. If u ask our parent's generation thr will think marriage is an exciting and blissful union of two love birds. For us, its a total upside down....coz we see too much example n oso we determine more than our parents n v r all getting more selfish as well. This is how marriage can turn into a disaster.

Walking down the aisle - "ooOo,How sweet n how eager those lovebirds to live with each other"- but times goes by when thr r conflict, thr r unacceptable thgs happen between them n bits by bits it turns out BIG PROBLEM then nowadays ppl will jz say "fine,lets file for a divorce since we r not suitable for each other". Its too ezy....unlike our parents how much conflict, how many arguments they still try their f**king best to maintain becos of their children n oso becos they believe when thr is love nothing can stop them...

Nowadays LOVE dont really conquer all, we r living in realistic world n wat else a materialistic world as well. Unlike those fairy tales r told anymore. Some will say, "No money no marriage", "Different lifestyle then break-up", Communication problem then cannot be together coz bei-ngam", U cant give wat i want then i got rights to choose for someone who can give me". So many issues to go tru especially if go tru wit a person who is totally diff in attitude o background. Wat a couple need - Tolerance, understanding? Do we think we can do it? Ya, some can n most cant n tat is why so many divorcee nowadays? Wat else today's world thr r so many "miss-cue" marriage happening? esp teens? Getting married at a young age especially those with accidents situation is gonna go tru a bumpy road oh n oso lots of sacrifices lying ahead of d road to be sacrifice. If one o both r not ready to give up their leisure or freedom sacrifices then choose not to be bond yet. Marriage is sth like "it takes two to tango" or its a 2 person commitment n sacrifices. Its not all about walking down the aisle with beautiful gowns n smart tuxedo or is not a one nite stand feel of affectionate or the feeling of getting a diamond ring how many carat it is instead of commitment of taking care more lifes coming into the family like children n both sides parent chip in our lifee....

But somehow we still can see thr r couples who have a blissful marriage...so its not tat scary though if some of us maintain n plan well enuff...n one have to give n one taking it...TOLERANCE~important guaa...:)

.....unpredictable.....destiny.......fate?..?

2007-07-26T00:17:00.000+08:00

Some of us might be out of cash sometimes o someone like me can say I m always out of cash! Well, the thgs is I cant complain much coz I m lot better than some others at the other side of the world rite. Yes, after reading Dude’s article -(go check it out at his website (http://ahjiau.blogspot.com) u r very right but life is owes imbalance most of d time right? Jz like we will owes says “nothing and no one is perfect” so same shitty thgs about being rich or in poverty. This is life cycle gua....
In our world, thr r ppl gripe about when we gonna get that prada shoes, o thr r ppl complaining about we need better job n pay to have a better living or a luxurious living lifestyle. But for sure ppl around us o we ourself never squawk a word about “whether we have food o water to eat n drink in d next minute instead of bitching about which pub beer o liquor is more xpensive o even can get crazy o mused if the govt increase alcohol price o ciggy price right? We will never thought bout thr r ppl in other side of d world dun even have a sip of water on their mouth n dun even have any clothes to cover their skeletal body n wat else shoes to wear? wat a pity? so sometimes when we r in some shit guess v need to take a look of those poor african kids ya...to remind how our life is so much better than them dy..
That article Dude have post makes me think of sthg small too...Ok, since I m owes out of cash so most of d times I cant afford to go to wat banquet lah o the bing but i dun mind sometimes to spend 10 bucks for a nice coffee at starbucks o coffeebean but once in awhile lah. so all I can is to have some coffee in a coffeshop is enuff. Ppl will think tat is de-grading urself o low class? Ya it might be but thr r jz diff ppl who have diff situation o diff interest?. Tat doesn’t mean we r not appropriate to be in d society rite? Recently, I went out for a drink with a fren n she met her x-classmate n tat xclassmate jz blurted out a question – "y u owes sit kopitiam one?" Is tat a hint of criticizing o being concern as a fren tat kopitiam for a gal is not good? If that guy thinks sitting at kopitiam can disgrace him – haha! He must be one of those person with a very high-class lifestyle. But sometimes how high profile u r, 1 day u will still sit in kopitiam one rite? Kolo mee oso at kopitiam lah o Laksa... So wats thr to ask someone tis kind of question le? Duh~
Being rich or poor however we r bought to this world so we still have to live on. No matter wat happen they r owes diff ppl in the world n if some cant cope up o some cant accept we have to take it in d end wat n all we can do is “ai pia” lorr….(Hey dude stop ur damn hokkien song lah, makes me addicted to it) . Ok, Mayb their grumbles about no nice clothes o shoes o handbags is their life – for them mayb is suffering dy. Diff people with diff situation bringing them to different complains in their life loh.. “bitter or sweet we still have to take along till d end of our road”

A fulfillment for myself since I drop hard~

2007-07-24T10:50:00.000+08:00

Wonderful news wonderful time is jz wat I need nowadays! I need good news to numb off my bad moods! Ya I got 1 wonderful news n it jz gave me a dash of relief inside my mind n body! Damn it, n believe tat whn u have busted everythg in ur school stuff n oso ur life before, dun become insolvent, breakdown or languish urself but jz be strong n thrive harder n harder till u see something not perfect but at least a sufficient result for the time being n try to boost everythg up more higher in d coming days.

People jz needed another chance owes o jz a lil opportunity can help someone to stand up again. Thank you n thank you to those who dun judge me but gave me a chance to proof tat I still can manage it n Thank You Dear for not scolding d hell outta me previously but jz being supportive to me n control me if i get out of my way again.

Yesh yesh! being relief is such a good feeling but thr r thgs to settle more. Thr is one chinse saying I learn from my chinese educated frens which is translated to like tat ah "walk till d end of bridge, naturally we will know how to get a turn to another way" - haha sthg like tat lah! But however, no effort no gain lah!

Lastly, I would wanna congrat myselffffffffffffffffffffff! yesh yesh i can do it. No more drama o emo kills my ability plssss! tis is all i need to pass my damn journey. Thank Him for answering my prayer too! *pheWWwwWWww* I shud have done better on my law paper one ler buttt in othr way round I get a better mark wit my econ...damn itttt! So d xpect of d unexpect of my recent nitemares. However its over d red line so i shud feel glad ah! HEHEEHE!HEHEHEHE! :D
mY FeeliNg NOWWW!-->A SIGN OF SERENITY FOR ME

---->BEING PERKY! WAHAHAHA! ACT CUTE (STUPID ME BUT HAPPY SO ONCE IN A BLUE MOON LAH K ;)

Again n again...it jz goes onnnnnn

2007-07-23T16:45:00.000+08:00

Hmm...a few day away from tis bloggy. Living in a state of pain in d heart tis few days becos of war wit me mum started again. So stupidly started it becos of others ppl stuff. Its all a lame thg to think back n the thought wat mum have said to me really send a spear pierce into my heart. But however I have told myself tats it, no matter how u be o wat u do its still d same. Guess we both have personality clashes all the time n thr is no cure, so silence is d best medicine for both of us. So tired of all tis drama drama o emo emo thg wit her, feel so grey about it as well but still i have to live on with life day by day in which makes me most unbreatheable is i have to face her with tis live on life. Feel so hectic, lots of dissapointment n lots of anger inside. I jz wanna break down n cry out loud but no no I cant cos it shud be normal for me oledi. Sigh! I cant keeep on grumbling to my frens wat i m goin tru, I cant keep on complaining bout me n mum affair to Ed cos its not a fresh o new thg anymore n i shud have been numb for all tis me n mum conflict. I m too till the way of speechless towards tis fighting all d time. None of us have wrong o right. All I can do is open an eye n close an eye n oso I have to swallow d whole grief and anger inside my stomach n keep thr till it rots inside me. I tried it hard tis few days but it makes me worse, it makes me so wanna cry d hell ouutttaa my lungs. I cant i cant! No i cant get back thrrr again...She is like tat! I have to take it tis way dy. I feel so depressed n i m so fear i will get into depression again. I need to be bz so I wont think bout ittttt..urghhh! Help me damn ittttt....

Wat a Laugh againn....

2007-07-19T23:50:00.000+08:00

Hmmm! another laugh i wanna make...(sarcastism here)duh! sometimes ah thgs o life is jz so unpredictable n it can jz come so sudddeennn! Ya, I was at Jalan Song again n tiz time jz go thr for a glass of kopi peng ah~n another coincidence again, yup i met tat guy I mentioned b4 tis post. But tis time he is thr wit his wife but i m lazy to meet their eye so I was pretending not 2 c them but so soiiii they just sat not far from me n i was facing them...wahahaha! N guess wat, I sat thr for almost a hour n tat hubby of my fren relative ah din even take a ciggy to puff n drink tea some more! wat a joke man!
Feel so fake, feel so sarcastic, feel so silly for tat lil wife of his.... y wanna be like tat? I was thinking, does he feel like being choked by his wife? hmm! n if 1 day his wife found out he have been cheating on her? wat will she thinks??? mana mana tau cheat sth else oso got lahhh~hmm! wat a fool is d wife 4 being rigid of certain stuff n affect her hubby to do those thg at d back of her. n oso wat a fool for d hubby not to stand for himself of wat he likes n wat he dun like instead of trying to sneak at the back of his wife. Hm....y have to be so dead-set n y one have to be such a obedient pretender? Not tired mei? wat dun like n wat u like say it out n one have to accept if its not such a big deal though...instead of making both parties suffer in d end...

Wat a laugh....

2007-07-19T13:16:00.000+08:00

Okay, same shitty doin recently which is aft picking Ed from work we went for supper at Jalan Song (yesh yesh i m gaining weight again) ok as me n my frens have cancelled our gathering for d whole week as we have been out so much n we r a bit over d border till we got complaints from our parent "Never a nite stay at home" - ya ya i m still lock up in my parent's fist. -_-duh!
Wat amused me was I saw someone at Jalan Song last nite n wat makes me feel like writing bout tat certain person. To think back its juz so quaint bout d whole picture.
Here it goes, tis person I saw was one of my fren's relative husband. This couple well was married 2yrs back i guess n the wife is a very beautiful lady n her husband a good looking man. Wat I knew was, this beautiful lady jz in her 20s is a very rigid person n esp towards her husband. A lady who is very inflexible bout ppl who smoke n drinking alcohols. So her choice of partner is a must be non-smoker n non-alcohol guy. So before they were married n after married she was so confirm she can forbid her husband not to do those thg which she dun likes. N i remembered thr was one time my fren told me her hubby is so obedience to her n very willingly not to be a bad egg (for d lady smoker o beer drinker is bad bad thg) like those guys outside.So, i guess she feel so proud she got a hubby who obeys her commands n restrictions. But too bad real too bad in which make me thinks human is good at making life's a joke.
Her hubby who has promise her so much of her restriction prinsip. This shows tat the man love his wife so much. But for me I think controlling some1 from doin those lil thg is quite a nuisanse n sometimes i do think promise is jz a saying but not an action. So i never believe in a person saying tat "Ok,I promise u...." then i will not xpect him/her to keep tat word especially man! Tats y i owes treat promise as nothing though...
So well I think this man is another one giving empty promises to his wife cos last nite I saw the guy drinking beer at d coffee shop n he himself was drinking n his fren beside him drank Tea c peng nia. N d most humorous part is err...he was smoking n he was using a chopstick to grab the ciggy stick n smoking it! farny guy here...kekekeke! He did it tis way mayb jz wanna keep d ciggy smell away from his finger. Wat a laugh! I keep on lookin at him until I guess he realised tat n mayb he tends to recognise me so he very pai-sehly put down his ciggy n dun even dare to take a puff until I went off gua...hahahaha! I feel so lame about it...gosh!
Well, wat I wanna say is life is jz a joke n as well as promise is oso a joke most of d time. Some ppl wanna stop certain ppl to do tat n this but in d end tat certain ppl will be doin tat n this at d back of that person. So sometimes we must learn wat to control n wat to let it be.... nothing is perfect as well as no one is perfect. We adults o we teens r jz like kids, the more those parent forbit their children not to tis n tat but in d end their children is doin it sneakily. So be more flexible to certain stuff o issue. The more u control o xpect then it will lead us to dissapointment in d end. If u really like tat person o if tat person is not a monster o someone who will not bring harmness to us than accept them as who they r.....:)

How we communicate can lead to conflict!?

2007-07-18T12:36:00.001+08:00

Another post bout thoughts in relationships. Well, its just a thought of it as I myself sometimes is a problematic person when handling lovey stuff. Recently I have a fren who have broken relationship n a fren who is having some conflict in their relationship. I myself have been in a coming to 5 yrs relationship wit Edmund. To summarize bout me n him is our 1st 2 yrs r shitty as we almost quarrel everyday n tis mite becos of not understanding each other n communication break down as well. But recently we both r so far so good. We both have give each other spaces to breathe n oso we tend to understand each other but for future planning our boat is still buoyant in d midst of the sea "buoyant kin". Hehe! Mayb cos of 1 thg which we both knw n tat is confidential I guess. Keke! So we will handle it soon. As I would like to say bout conflict n communication prob - I would like to tell a dear friend of mine n of cos a reminder for myself too...

Dear Fren,
Poor communication can weaken bonds, occurs mistrust n even contempt. So here I will like to list a few thgs all of us tend to happen when we r in a relationship in which will destruct our relationship.

a) Avoiding Clash altogether
Instead of discussing building frustrations in a calm situation some of us just don wan to say anythg to their partner until all those frust r accumulate inside him/her lead them to explode then blurt it out all in an angry n oso hurtful way. This is because tat partner was trying to avoid arguments but who knws it usually causes more stresses for both parties, as emotion strains n eventually lead to a much bigger arguments.
b)Attempting to defend
When a partner complains, most of d time we r never willing to understand the opponent point of view. If we r defensive person we tend to defence watever they r tryin to say n tis could lead them to a road of stress which our partner feel tat they arent listened to. So unresolved conflicts continue to grow.
c)Over-reasononing from details/fact
When sth happens that they dont like o disagree, some of us will jz make sweeping generalizations like starting sentences with , "You always.." or "You never.." n oso bringing up pasts arguments to throw the discussion off-topic n stir more negativity between each other.
d)Always being right/correct!
Its damaging to decide the way u're seeing things is always right and DO NOT demand that ur partner see things the same way as urs (I owes do this lah but c wat kind of talkin skill u have to control d conflict) n oso dun take it as a personal attack if they disagree wit u. So, sometimes I learn to think tat 2 points of view can be true cos there is not always a right or a wrong.
e)Mind-Reading/Think tat u really understand him or her
Instead of asking ur bf/gf thoughts n feelings we sometimes decide o conclude that we knw wat they r thinkin o feeling based on their actions or too much of understanding each other?!Tis mostly can lead to negative thoughts to the mind-reader. But ppl do really have their own thoughts which we will never knw so do not being "ke-po" sayin u knw wat he/she is thinking lah! cos this can creates hostility n misunderstanding lah.
f)Forget to listen/Unwilling to listen
Some of us jz like to interupt o rehearse what they gonna say d next thgs o even roll their eyes while our partner r talking instead us really make an effort to truly listen n attempt to understand them. This can keep u from seeing their points n keeps ur partners wanting to see urs. So dun underestimate the importance of listening k!
g)Blaming each other
Most of us like to handle arguments by criticizing n blaming each other for the problems. Some of us can even shame them for being "at fault" instead of trying to see their problems as a chance to analyze the situation objectively n come up wit a solution to help both parties.
h)Wannabe Winner in an Argument
Thr is a saying winner is always the loser as whenever he/she wins it all but they will lose the most precious thg in d end. The point of a relationship discussion should be mutual understanding and coming to an agreement or resolution that respects everyone’s needs. If you’re making a case for how wrong the other person is, discounting their feelings, and staying stuck in your point of view, your focused in the wrong direction!
i)Pointing his/her character or attitude bad
Some of us like to take our partners negative action n explode it up into a personal flaw like saying our spouse being inconsiderate or lazy or if he/she likes to throw stuff around d house. This can create bad perceptions so learn to respect the person even if we dont like their character.
j)Avoiding issues
When one wanna share o discuss some issue between their relationship but other not willing to discuss this shows disrespect n in certain situations can lead to d underlying conflict to grow in which creates hard feeling and damages relationship so its much better to listen n discuss thgs in a respectful manner.

I have all this badddddddd manners whenever I have prob wit Ed but however I can never c it until when thr is ppl beside u attempting d same kind of attitude like this then will reflect urself bout how bad we r. Oh well, how i can survive my relationship is most probably becos oftolerance from d other party. So being tolerating is important.

Mistake we girls make with boys...

2007-07-18T11:43:00.000+08:00

I have been thinking about ppl besides me with relationship n was thinking how to keep a man? Nah, I guess thr aint any actual manual book or rules to keep a man but I have thought of the 3 Deadly Mistakes We Gals make with Men without ever Realizing IT!

Mistake 1 - Leading a Man to think You are Needy and Insecure.
These signals men pick up on as "needy" and "unattractive".

1) Talking and saying nasty things about your ex-boyfriends.
We gals saying bad things about men will be involved with actually reflects negatively back to US. It makes the man we r dating presently worry you are carrying around "baggage" that HE will have to deal with should he become involved with you.

2) Bad-mouthing about other women.
When girls call other girls names like "slut", "bitch" or "crazy", it is anything but impressive to a man you are attracted. Girls will often do this when they see a good looking, desirable woman, especially if they feel their man will be attracted to her. This will just makes a man think you r trying to COVER UP your own INSECURITIES, and also looking for validation and attention which tis is not good k.

3)Too much of physical contact, esp in public
If you r persistently hanging on a man or touching him too much he'll start to see it as clingy behavior but you'll never hear bout this from him so it's far better to save all those touches of yours for short n infrequent moments which will surprise and enchant him though.

Mistake 2 - Appealing To His Sexual side Instead of his Emotional side
Many of us girls/women make the mistake of thinking that men are primarily driven by sex alone and also think if they can attract a man SEXUALLY they will be able to attract him EMOTIONALLY as well. So most girls often give up sex to a man in the hopes that it will translate into a relationship n get them wat they want but in reality a man has the capacity to view a sexual connection and an emotional as 2 whole diff things and it needs a special set of skills to mold these 2 thgs 2gether in a man's mind n keep them connected.
So,ladies out thr try to fufill a man EMOTIONALLY n SEXUALLY r able to captures a man's heart n get back d same fulfillment for urself.

Mistake 3 - Dunno how to SIZE up a Man's relationship potential.
A lot of us gals most of d time decide whether or not they shud put more effort into building a relationship with a man based on ATTRACTION.
Yesh, attraction is very important but it can also be DANGEROUS! This is becos when we feel a strong sense of attraction 4 someone, it can actually cause us to override our logic n ignore our own instincts which lead us to overlook potential's partner deadly wrongs that could spell trouble down the road jz like tat...So if u found urself stuck in a relationship tat is dragging u down this is d probably d answer..
Therefore, its important to b able to size a guy up n spot any "warning signs" of a future bad relationship. Must be FAST! so you wont waste any of ur time n emotional energy on some1 who is not rite for u o who will leave u suffer n heartbroken.

Sharing Ur Feelings?!

2007-07-17T19:15:00.000+08:00

Everyone have a feeling. O some ppl called it as emotions. They r ppl feeling good,sad,happy,neutral n it goes on n on which depends on wat happen to their walks of life n oso sometimes ppl besides us can affect our feelings. So, they r ppl who jz like to express their feelin to others so easily n some like to write it down n it goes on n on again....

For me, the toughest thgs bout feelings is sharing them with others. But wat I know is sharing ur feelings of good o bad help us n also helps u to get closer to people u care about n who care bout u.

My way of sharing feeling is when I m in d right focus of my feelings o emotions. Its hard for me to tell my friends what's inside my backpack if me myself dunno wats thr inside me so i prefer it to figure it out myself b4 i tell them. So some ppl who r same as me they will choose make a list of their feeling in their head,writing it down o draw a picture to understand themself more. So I prefer writing it down n most of d time I need lonely time to figure out wat is bothering me then I mite b prepare to tell my friends bout it so I will be on track n have more information to give them instead of being confusing all d time n never hav d rite way to express d feelin in which aft tellin a fren him/she dun even get wat u r saying rite..n it leads them being helpless too..

I owes locked my feelings inside myself n this can even make me worse n oso will bring me to fall sick as well.

Besides understanding wat is inside u urself, I oso prefer to know who I can talk with n choose a right time n place as well.
Mayb ppl who r not really good at sharing their feelings r just shy bout wat they themselve r thinking n they feel ashamed to tell others wat they have been doing n end up shit for them. But thr is 1 feeling which every1 likes to share n tat is HAPPY feeling. The most hateful feeling to share is JEALOUS i guess. Too bad at most times I dun hav d feeling of jealous but only to certain ppl who treat me badly..darn it! keke!

As for teens which can affect their feelings r mostly about relationship n friendship n of sometime family lor...Relationship in which I mean love o "pak tor" lah will guess is d most complicated stuff in d world in which day by day wit step by step we all r learning how to keep the feeling beautifully. But when thr beautiful feeling between a couple then thr r owes taking for granted one n in which can hurt the opponent. As for friendships are often complicated as well in which sometimes they can change or affected by many thgs; growing aparts;developing new interests or friends may behave in a way that r upsetting n it can be hard to talk to them.

However, if thr is any bei song, unsatisfied o sad o happy o any feeling then try our very best to find a rite time,place n ppl to share it.
Now I m feeling ! My result is coming out soonnnnn...darn!

I m not over it yet......I need more I guess;P

2007-07-17T11:47:00.000+08:00

CoOl o jz amused about this RWMF event?! HmM, previously b4 tis event there were everyone asking n talkin bout goin to this world famous event n ya..its held here in our very very hometown which all tiz while I never really like here though but sometimes sittin down alone to think y m I back here to Kch?! well, its not tat bad actually cos I realised tat thr r lotsa diff ppl in this lil city here.

Oh ya get back to d event...n now while surfing n peeping around others blog - bloggers started bloggin bout their RWMF xperience liaw. Is tat event tat famous? For my xperience, not bad lah. Thr will be my 2nd time-haha! so i guess its a real amusing world event tat can attract so many ppl from d world to be crowded at our small city here. N i guess tis event is d most success for d Visit M'sia 2007 gua as its a blast for their ticket selling. fu-yohh! mUst be earn a lot ler...hmm! Oh well in d end I guess accept for my group tat went thr wasnt really xcited bout d whole thg as Sophia was exhausted bout d whole rushing here n thr trip n makes her sick dy n Jass which is neutral all tis while n Norman which is still in his darn 9mths break-up depression mood! Duh him! As for me, hmm..ya I do miss it as I din really have enuff fun due to my tiredness n due to those 2 chicks who is xhausted till d nite came. :s sad sad me again but ya...thr r more to come so I guess I will be thr soon again to really enjoy myself wit flow of beer...! No Vodkha k peeps...gosh I feel like drinkin cough mixture lah tat nite. Hehe!

My late nite supper...-_-

2007-07-15T23:27:00.000+08:00

Wow, its been almost a yr I didnt have any western food. My fav is Lamb chop!

Grilled Lamb Chop

Darn it! My last taste on lamb chop was last yr 31st of dec! Gosh! Anyway, having a late nite supper wit this dishes for sure will gain my weight again but who cares lah... Ed decides to spent me cos he owes dun have d time to bring me a proper dinner so all he can do is to bring me to a proper supper. Haha!

Cheers darl...

He will sure wann to see me get back to my 60kgs weight again huh! Nah! tomolo i will quit 2 meals so at least i can maintain! Hm..i took around 8mths plus to lose my damn 10kgs u knw! Hehe! Took tis supper at Cheers located at Rock road thr. Their lamb chop is not bad lah but i still prefer Richmond place tho' but Cheerz portion is a lot more. Anyway, their chickie chop taste nicer than Richmond but 2 bad I never ask 4 chicken chop. :) n its only rm8.90 n free a coke as well but i guess its for today only.

Chicken Chop

Check out at newspaper most of d time cos whenever thr r promotion for d day they will advertise in Borneo post. K i m now so full n feel quite bloated n same time i m sleepy but cant sleep yet. Darn! So jz drop by here to have a small post bout foods:P Sometimes I still prefer chinese foods...

While we 2 were enjoyin our supper here comes another companion who look hungry so I gave all my lamb bones for him n he ate it all....:))

Our very 1st time RWMF (13/07/07)

2007-07-15T13:04:00.000+08:00

The Canadian Musician - Creator of RWMF - i guess so lah! hehe:z
Yo! Guess tis few days most of us r talkin o bz attending the RWMF (Rainforest World Musical Festival). Well, I attended the first day n it was my first time as well as for my chicks who have been wit me to the well-known event gathers world's musician at d cultural village of our hometown.

Phia&Jass in d car posin whn up up v go Damai

Jass&Norman(depressO) (whr is my PIC! darnn..i shud not be drivin so i can pose 2!)

Wat an experience wit lots of complaints bout car unable to drove up to Damai n need d guest to pay a RM5 shuttle bus from Santubong. So, one of us complains most n tat is Phia. She jz cant stop ranting on those STB staff. Haha! Jazz'z a bit neutral as she is not really tat excited like me. Well, I was excited at first but to hell wit those shuttle bus thgy n makin me to park d car at Santubong.

Darn it n we r not staying over cos its our last min plan bcos Sophia's able to chiao her time back to Kch d day b4 the RWMF starts n she needs to rush back to KL for her Emil Chow concert by yesterday. Wat an exhausting trip n plan:s!!! We were quite frustrated at tat moment as we bought lots of tit bits n oso we r carrying few bottles of drink n wat relief me was, Yesh our dude Norman join us for d trip though he quite spoil d mood as he is in depression mood aft his break-up so he jz help us to carry stuff. Duh! But howver his depression mood din spoil we 3 cos v r jz too bz lookin 4 frens who have stall thr to let us put down our stuff. So walkin here n thr till we met Billy at his Heineken stall so v juzt drop our stuff thr n start our day by walkin around d village to take some pics.

While at rumah Melanau...

Billy's Heineken booth!
Till the time around evening 6sth v few jz let us down to the greenery sites to wait for d musical nite to start. By d time we were relaxing on d grass we all r quite exhausted dy n v kinda run out of mood for d nite but then whn d musics come alive we do dance n have fun wit it till d 1st scottish group v 3 biatches r already in freakin tiredness. So v jz sat thr to look n listen to d music untill 11sth we jz went off from thr.... so it was quite an fucked up n exhausting day but d music is nice. Ya, thr will be a 2nd time for me if we plan it nicely n for god sake we must get a nite stay thr so we wont be tat rush.... as i m driving home myself k. hehe! mayb nx yr we ask James dy...he is d best driver n male companion for all our trips n funs ya...so we can jz drink till we get numb...haha;)

Shake ur bum bum~

So, however d feelin of those music is quite my taste but some r not. :D anyway at least tis yr get to go cos as a sarawakian if never go ahhh...aduh relli more like sua pa kia liaw lorr....kekee....

AuTOBoTs TRANSFORM! ek Ek!

2007-07-12T13:57:00.000+08:00

OPTIMUS PRIME IN ACTION!Fav!!!
oOo! I love this scene...
SexY hOttiE Megan Fox in Transformer! *PhEwwWiTTt*

I m jz another halfly die hard fans of Transformer which I attended the movie yesterday. I can understand y tat movie is a blast for this 2 whole weeks. Yesh, its a total satisfaction aft watching it. Like it from d beginning till d end. So cool of d design n the transform part can look so real. All this while of anticipation is worth while n being squeezing wit ppl to catch tat movie is worthwhile too. I-chi ban ahhhh! Songz chin ah!

I like most is Optimus prime as for bumble bee is a very loyal guardian n wat a pity for Jazz who have been crashed into 2 parts (wat a beauty he is whn he is in d form of posh) *swt*. The others r jz special post gua. hehe! hnn...(smiling) still hav d feelin of satisfaction flowin inside me. keke! watching twice is not enuff i guess. Yea we will get bored one day but 4 d time being its so 10 out of 10 dy. So simple to describe tis movie jz like wat Sam Witwicky said "More than meets the eyes" wOooHoooO!

Hurrrrttttt

2007-07-11T11:46:00.000+08:00

Y on earth do tis happen to a 3 yr old gal? Whr is d humanity? Whr is d kindness? Whr is d mother love of tat child? Whr is d benevolence?Whr is those kind-heartedness of that two adult? For a God damn sake, tat lil girl is jz 3 n she is so cute n how on earth can tat man have d heart to lay a hand on her???? After watchin d news really get into my nerve n i was dumbfounded at first as d feeling of living in diz world is scary n insecure. Is tiz call fate? NO, i dun think so...if its fate then tat lil one wont die in vicious way. Instead of killin her they even burnt her off n throw her leftover parts to 3 diff place?! So, is tat a HUMAN? scary! Cold-blooded monster. wat a gruesome manner?!
It really hurt to c sth like tat. A lil one who only knws how 2 eat sleep cry n smile n being sent to death in tis way is not fair! its totally unfair for her! so pain in d heart n wat else for d loved one of hers. doesnt her mum feel any pain o grief for tat lil angel? Its such a cruelty act n it happen so near to us! I jz hope her mum will regret for her whole life n tat man will get lots lots of punishment in diff situation till he got mental disorder. N let him live longer to suffer d guilt. death penalty is not enuff as its so easy for him to let it go cos a dead man can never feel o taste d pain but a lively man wit lots of guilt stayin in his heart will be mentally tortured. eeEe,*cursed*! Hopefully d DNA test is not tat lil angel as d result is not yet confirm. Not a sad story but a pain in d heart!

SmOking?!

2007-07-10T13:51:00.000+08:00

I came home around 10 tis morning after puttin down Ed to work at town. I was stuck in front of tis freakin slow laptop for almost 4 hrs n i dunno wat d hell I was actually tryin to play wit it. Ya i was tryin 2 change a more cooler blog template but in d end I fucking give up cos I dun even knw wat d heck is HTML files. Gosh! Wat a PC dummie I am. Hm! One lame ass here. :D

While i was jz clickin here n thr I din even realised tat I have actually smoked off my whole pack of ciggie which is for ur info a new pack. N now I left 3 sticks only. Darn, wats wrong wit me. I told them I wanna quit but the whole fucking quitting thgs jz tensed me up n lead me to a point of smoking more. Impetiously, I jz let myself roll down from a cliff n hit hard at d bottom so it is killing myself slowly. Ya, ppl out thr who r not a smoker but intend to smoke i give u 1 word "DONT". I have been smoking for almost 8 yrs n I know my health situation is at wat point. Though is not in d end but imagine if i dun quit wat will happen in another 5 yrs? n I m jz 23 so kids out thr plssss love urself. Addiction is cruel. Esp if u have turn into a chain-smoker. For me girls boys r d same n today we have too much to face like air pollution n foods wit chemical to make them grow fast so u imagine we still take another drug in our body? so its a slow way of committing suicide.

I envy those non-smoker cos they have smoke smell free, no pain here n thr n sometimes they can jz sit at a non smoking zone for few hrs comfortably but me?? I cant even stand long in a exam board room. So can u imagine when my addiction came n i jz can 4get wat I wanna write for my paper? In d end one word "DOOM" See how pityful I m but I blame no 1 but myself. :s
Ya, I dun have d spirit to quit yet cos whenever I speak bout quittin it jz makes my body to crave for more nicotines. My mum n frens arent a smoker will jz say its all ur dumb excuse. So I wont xplain much cos thr r ppl out thr who smoke longer than me who success in smoke free. I try i will try! I do hate myself for smoking sometimes especially I m sick - haha! But whnever i m recover my craving come back jz in a midst. But for those non-smoker I jz wanna tell u guys wat I m goin tru everyday as a smoker....

10 simple annoying Symptoms:

1. Trembling hands (which i cant even get a good capture whnever I m holdin a camera - sucks?)

2. Empty-headed (total blank in muh mind sometimes)

3. Tends 2 forget thgs

4. Chest Pain

5. Thyroid probs

6. Bad skin (esp face)

7. Bad breathe (how can I kiss so often-duh!)

8. Stinky body

9. Yellow face

10. Headache all d time

I hate most is my trembling hands n my headache. :s so try not to smoke if can for those non-smoker yet. I admit tat I really regret for takin my first stick back thr.....

The 19 days of Cold war end TODAY! so sMiLez :D SharOon

2007-07-10T00:51:00.000+08:00

HmM! Spent my whole day wit Jass. Hey Jass, u really got d dancing cells on ur body huh! hehe! 1 criticise- tat is u need more xpression. hehe! Oh ya tis blog is bout yea my mum tok wit me liaw, hm..is it becos of jz now u were here ?? *giggles* HmM! wonderin u r my lucky star huh...

K back back bout my blah blah family affair. One thg i m still sittin in front of my laptop tis late is bcos 2hr b4, I waasss actually chit chattin wit my mum. N at lastttttttt she starts talkin to me normally. WoOoh, me n mum din tok since my final exam started which is on d 22nd of last mth till now, till 2hr b4 now?? Yesh, before jz now since 22nd of last mth we have spoken for bout not even 20 words?? yea! tats me n my mummamia!
Surprisingly jz now she automatically speak so nicely to me. HmpH! At first I smell sth fishy but then I guess she can feel her mouth start to stink gua. For almost half a mth no talkin wit me. Haha! So I learnt to b more patience n oso not to be so emo if this thg happen on me again n again. Previously, if we happens to quarrel my mood sure swings hard but now I try my farking best to control n pretend nth happen n i wont pull a long face in front of her then I guess slowly she will cool down as well. Let it be..... n be more positive then thgs will jz go fine by the times come...
Duh ya? a mum n a dotter for almost 10 yrs never can get along? haha..wat a laff n wat else i m d only dotter. Well, superstitiously to say bout US is both our "ba zi" not "ngam" gua. keke! Ya i m metal n she is wood so i m harder than her! Duh, so silly rite? Huh~I never knw y we r like tat bt jz tat everytime both of us dun agree wit each other thoughts o even disagree wit wat we r doin then we can end up quarreling n our cold war will jz start at tat moment. 19 days r counted as short period liaw lor cos our longest time for not talkin wit each other can be a month o more. not a joke man! but now i can jz laff bout it ler...n i will owes says "duh". hmm...but however MUM, she is still my MUM so Let it be...
Hopefully there will always be a better tomorrow :). Yesh, I will try my darn best not to talk so much wit her so we wont have any chance to have conflict again :X.
keke! Silence is d best medicine but Silent killer can jz send me to death :s

Howevaaa - Mamá, todavía te amo!

;)winKz woNkz

2007-07-08T12:27:00.000+08:00

Okayz at last done wit all these silly changing of blog thgy, ya i m sayin muhself silly. At least tis one is a lot better than d previous one cos can easily upload photos n oso easy steps to upload songs tat i like. Very leong leiii my song? wakaka...tis is me! Oh yea, so now n hopefully in future all my blah blah upz n downzie mood n some silly thoughts will be post here....

So thr is nth to up-date recently as I am so boring, damn boring all d time...till i m even so lazy to find some frens lah...the weather siaw siaw somemore. haihh! Up-date a bit bout Ed leaving Kch, well its not confirm yet as I have to wait till end of tis mth to get a more appropriate answer from him. But 1 thg i m very happy o could i jz say "phEw" (a relief state) aft wat he have told me d day be4 yesterday. He told me tat aft tis trip to KK, if d plan is not working out then he will guai guai stay back by my side till i graduate. n hopefully he take his wordd for it but if he prefer to go othr place again i will still of cos to c wats d plan n by tat time whther approve o not lor... of cos i wan you to change to a better job o get a better future but we muz plan it not perfectly but at least stable..rite? So, keep it up! Thr r ppl more cham than us k not only u but they still look for stability in life ya. hmm..at least can get some sleep aft wat he said to me n besides tat i m so happy tat he had thought bout wat I have told him for tis KK plan. n he do accept but jz he wans to go back to hear wat d real boss says bout d whole planning then he will make d final decision.

Besides ths, i found out though our relationship have been 4 yrs plus dy we r still in d midst of loving n care bout each other. N no matter how we used to quarrel n how we owes disagree to most point but we r to d state of tolerating each other n understand each other point of view. I m not d type of lovey dovey one but here i would like to tell u tat I appreciate U for being here by my side all d time I need you n being patience wit my emo n temper. mUahs mUahs lah! N n if Dear you do happens to click on my blog ahhhhh read thiz--> I WAN WATCH TRANSFORMER! GOSH! EDmuNd WonG, u promise ehhhh ahhh! where????? whennn???? hmph! mY patience got limit liaw ah! HmPh!

Killing Me Softly~

2007-07-06T12:35:00.000+08:00

TadaaAa~!!!! PhewWw, a sudden disappeared from d cyber space for 5 days gua..hm ya ya i M back! Nothing up with tis few days but spend most of my time coping up the very hot drama series which is "heart of greed". One word 2 describe aft watching it "GREAT". Learn sth from tat series "family" very important. Oh well, its juz an entertainment of muh life for tiz few days...ya pia till ahh SHARON STUCK AT DA LIVIN ROOM FOR @ LEAST 10 hrs a day infront of d TV! silly n wat a potatoe couch I M! duh!

Othr than tat, my mind now is fill wit confusion n i got a feelin tat i m losing my track again.

4yrs relationship n he was owes beside me though sometimes he needs to go for outstation duty but tats only 4 a month o d longest period is 3 mths. But last 2 days he told me he wanna go back for good but still not confirm yet. N now o tis 2 days I jz can feel tat he is already leaving me step by step lor...but however lah if he is to get a better job back KK thr, i do support him. All i can do is weep from my heart n try to get back normal aft he leave. I shud not have say yes at 1st but now Words have spoken out cant be taken back lorr... Sienz! i keep on tellin myself tat ok not confirm yet so no need to worry lah but a thought of him leaving me all alone here -??-all i can think is who is gonna help me whn i have troubles? who is gonna laff wit my stupid joke? whn i m happy who i m gonna share?? ya now communication is so ez n somemore cheap oso ler but having d other part not by ur side is so diff eventho u can call him anytime n tats jz voice. Ya, hmmph...here come again another headache for me to go tru again. wtf! wo hao pu shi de ta ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Anyway o i can think now is, see how it goes lah by then...few more weeks i will get d exact confirm ans whether he will go back for good o stay back here wit me... d waiting is killin me oledi!! darn!

Damn d ciiggggieee price up up again! furk ler! makin me poorer n poorer again! darn it...

溏心風暴&天機算

2007-07-01T10:53:00.000+08:00

溏心風暴

At last, I got my TVB drama series - Heart of Greed. At least last nite visit to Jalan Song to look for tis DVD din make me dissapointed. Before this I have bought it last month but it actually was not d full version but at tat time 1 disc RM1 only so nvm lah! Wat makes me so curious bout tis movie was at first James told me tat tis drama series syiok ah then make me sim gua gua wanna watch lor n then till Jass watch d whole thg liaw, she say nice ahh! so I have been waiting those chinese dvd sellers to bring d full version to KCH. The genre of this drama is modern drama n was created by Lau Kar Ho which was aired on 9th April tis yr.

REcently it was d highest rating of HK tvb drama series starred by few famous TVB actor n actress - firstly i would list my most favourite actor in TVB - Moses Chan, Raymond Lam n oso Bosco Wong - Ooo..my favourites! darn! I jz love to watch their drama! keke...Gues tis movie is jz about a very wealthy big family owning dry food biz n the owner have 2 wife n inside the family turns out to have jealousy among family members n hatred turns out between the whole big family n lead their family to break down.....then wat happen i dunno cos I haven watch yet.

天機算- Steven Ma(Left) Benny Chan(right) - 2 main casts n both in d movie born in d same yr,mth,day n time which have ddiff life n destiny n c how they play wit the destiny o another word r they able to change their destiny which is to change wat GOD have given them.. the old guy Yuen Wah who owns the "book of destiny"

However, till now I havent watch "heart of greed" even 1 episode yet cos I m stil watching another drama series named "A change of Destiny" n tis I left another 4 episodes today n in which I would finish it today if no one ask me out for a drinklah! hehe! This drama series at first was quite boring but the more u watch the more u r curious bout it so so far its still ok for me. The actor n actress are Steven Ma, Benny Chan, Shirley Yeung, Selena Li n of cos d senior of them Yuen Hua. The interesting part is when u watch till u realise they r 2 young men who have d same birth date,yr,mth n oso time but who have diff life which is 1 is very poor n 1 is bor.n in a golden lock family and both of them wanna change their destiny. Its quite interesting cos u will wanna knw how n wat their destiny have change them into. Will d poor one get rich n become boastful n will d rich one turns poor? N who have become d bad egg inside this drama - Steven Ma as Yun Hei o Benny Chan as Yip Yeong. Is destiny grow in our own pair of hand o is it all control by HIM (God). The genre of this drama is period drama series n very superstitious kind of drama. So check it out lah, have patience wit this movie at beginnin of few episodes as it is very funny, silly n boring of cos n d shockin part start around at episodes 11 which u would think tat some jz wanna be powerful they can even kill o sell their beloved one. So, those who r interested in drama series try get 1 of this too.

PS: Jass, can watch lah..not bad eh. Hehe! all about feng shui~ k lah i better stop here to continue my last 4 episodes.

Lalala..

2007-06-30T00:55:00.000+08:00

How n why do I start blogging? Before i start blogging I have been thinking of having a blog to write down some piece of my mind but i never make an effort to do it as I m such a lazyy ass. I love to read ppls blog n some blog r so good n interesting (own perceptionlah!) especially someone u know but dun really know. I m very busybody so tats y i stalk others blog n read bout their ups n down n wat happening is goin on around them tho' i dunno them. U can jz says tat i m so "pat po o like to jaga tepi kain org lah"

hehee...Okay, back to my topic. why i start it? I suppose its jz a personal need of letting out my feelin towards any stuff like my dislike, like, happy, sad, point of view for sth n it goes lalalala.... o its jz becos my life is so boring till i dunno wat activity i shud do bt jz start to write sth. But seems my life is so boring i actually got nothg to write so it really make me start bloggin is whn i have problem of expressing my feeling to fren so i start to blog n hopefully they can read wat i m goin tru o feelin of certain stuff.. ya i knw i m being a silly to get frens attention tru here but i have no other way to go cos i m d type tat i cant xpress everythg out to ppl while face to face. I dun like to hurt a relationship o friendship n oso sometimes i dun really wana show who i m n tis is my darn weakness as i m afraid of wat others think bout me. Tho they r still alot of hidden stuff inside me i din blog about but i have told my closest fren liaw lah...hehe! honestly saying Jass n phia after tellin u guys bout my stupid stuff hidden for so long inside my heart i felt so relief and felt another closeness to u guys. Sorry for hiding n i have no motives of hiding but jz a point tat its my personal thg which is not really gud to tell around. hehehe... but however its all over! hehe...so sometimes to think back bout covering is not a good choice so i choose to says out my stuff here loh! another thg is my family affair which i wanna complaint so much bout it but of cos i cant everyday tell my fren bout my family affair so i jz type it out to feel more better n mayb i can curse them here gua...wahahhaa! guess tis is all why i have started a blog n i do get u guys to knw wat i m feelin n thinkin of n thanx for being concern n makin a effort to view it.

So i guess my blog is not for so many to read but jz my fren to read n let them knw wat is goin on inside me! ps: Jass, of cos i will try my damn best to be a direct person huh! hahahaha....its hard u knw! I can accept someone very direct but its still hard 4 me to accept muhself to be so direct. Ya, u r right i spend most of my time to understand others but i never really try to take a break to understand myself. hehe! tell u tat i dun like to play guessing o being mystery game wit other but seems like i m oso one of those rite. I try to change n thanks for lettin me knw who i m sometimes! kekee... i guess tis article is not sayin bout why i start bloggin but oso a confession of thoughs n "kan so" to a fren tat i have been walkin tru for tis 2 yr n i do appreciate it eeya..i better stop here b4 my mum wakes up to "tiaw" me again!

HAPPY HOLIDAY TO ME!

2007-06-28T18:35:00.000+08:00

Yea!!!! at last holiday liaww....in few weeks time i guess i m gonna face another nitemare again which is my result! darn.....hehehee...lazy to write ahhhhh.....sienn! go take my dinner then relax wit my drama series liaw. do di do..!

Sienzz...

2007-06-25T13:29:00.000+08:00

Jz watch a movie which was quite an old movie named "Unforgetable" starred by Cecilia Chung n Lau Ching Wan. Few ppl have told me its a nice movie o can say tat its a very touching movie but aft watching is not tat much i have expected. However, its stil ok lah n i guess the most touching part is whn they wanna send off the lil boy to an orphanage which seems so kolien lah cos d boy so cute. Anyway, the movie name shud name it as forgetable cos at last they make it out to forget their lost one n start a new life with the present one though.. hehe...anyway guess tats wat i get for tat movie.

Darn i shud be studyin-haha- but study mode have run out of batt i guess...sheesh! I cant wait to finish damn last paper then can watch TRANSFORMER n FANTASTIC FOUR! damnnn ittt......so soiiii one....suppose already told Ed to go watch premier for TRansFORmer eh but soi soi final exam mth occurs. cilaka! everythg owes not in d rite way whn plan...n say wan go KK oso tak ....hrmph! shiat lahhh....n seems like my RWMF oso not jadi liaw as no kaki wanna go le. Sheesh n d ticket too xpensive lahhh...wth! whn i wan go the price go so high. hmm! hopefully Sophia can come back lah n c tat day got ticket o not. darn! eeeyaaa.....life so boring ah owes like tat! Damn bro, get to watch Emil Chow concert n i m stuck hereeee damn...... haihhh...better study lahhh..sienz!

Crooksssss.....i wanna k*ll u ppl ah!!!!

2007-06-23T10:13:00.000+08:00

Din really sleep well lastnite. wtf is wrong wit those thief man!!!! Last week of today(16/06/07) around 10 sth in da morning happen a robbery case at my neighbourhood. The most scary thg to think back is my neighbour (Nigerian-Intian) house got broke! shiat man! early in the morning n those crooks r so daring till they parked their f**king silver coloured kancil inside d house parkin space n 'kiaw' the door! Those crook too a few laptops, psp games, camera n their home theatre gua. Really damn daring....cos b4 they broke their house on friday nite they broke their kelisa window n took away all their cd's n as well 'kiaw' away their car player.

For god sake! at tat last saturday morning so chun i was driving Sophia's parent to airport. Can i say i m lucky o soi cos if i m home i mite have heard noises n i call d police. Sigh....my opposite neighbour saw it oso so stupiak one, dunno how to call for help...sheesh! mayb some ppl r jz selfish gua. hmm!

Actually tis robber case is not d first time happen in my neighbourhood anymore. Edmund's car was broke twice oso liaw n lots of shoes was been stolen from othr neighbours. Whn will all these f**king crook will stop n come on lah police force shud stringently enforced their ronda!!!! darn! all these crooks have oso turn me into insomnia...everytime i hear dog bark o car sound then automatically will wake up liaw...sien ahh!!! Tats wat happen last niteee....suddenly got 2 ppl walking around n its 3 in da morning! gosh! it freak the hell out of us again cos they got parang! damn! then v dun bother to call d police liaw gua cos those crook no car so whn d peronda police come they oso jump to d sua pa n ran off liaw....so all d neighbours ring their alarm. so in d end guess nth happen n i slept bout 5 in da morning jz becos of those crime *STAR* firrkkkk!!!

Wanna get some sleep but b4 tat have to go brunch with lo po zai liaw! hehehe....for a yr at last can sseeee her liaw...

PS: Be alert of silver colored kancil n oso white proton saga (tinted green), n oso silver waja!!!!!!!!

When Man Woman quarrels over a small thg?

2007-06-23T01:59:00.000+08:00

OKay found tis pic at my pic folder n cant rem whr i have downloaded it! kinda meaningful if the topic of tis pic is 'WHEN MAN WOMAN QUARREL OVER A SMALL THG'- so most couples try to look back wat u o they o we have quarrel wit our spouse over lil stuff n try to make a laugh about it when talked o thought back of it...so cheerz owes...no thing is n no one is perfect. But sometimes couples wil quarrel over small thg is mayb the exist of love n whn love exist then thr will be owes 1 of them be the caring one n 1 will be d taking for granted ones.

So, which one r u? Care o d takin for granted one????:D

Thankz!

2007-06-22T18:26:00.000+08:00

Yes....1st paper gonee.....1 more week i'm gonna have my breakk again! sigh! thinkin of holiday is not ttat songsss cos i think i have enuff holiday last sem....sienz...but anyway todayyy quite tiring but oklahhh Luckily still can ans the damn law paper....n got enuff time...thinking of this exam makes me thought of thgs happen at my previous sem..n i really appreciate now n i try my fucking best to not be distracted by my family affair n oso others emotional affair loh. But 1 thg ahhh i wanna Thanks for d maggi ya Jass..hehe!

Came home log in here i saw sth so warm n tat is my Sian have wrote a comment for me n i feel so touched now...so i wanna say Thanks sian for wat u have said here....its no one fault actually all tis happen to me but those "shi fei ppl" n oso some is my own fault as well n i m tryin all my very besttt to maintain my emo tis whole half yr.....n i know if u r here u will comfort n listen to my mumbles. Thanks for concerning lo po zaiiii! mUahs mUahs wifeeyyyyy!

Besides tat i guess i wanna thanks my another gal fren as welll.....which is Jass...mayb without knowing u i mite have a more serious depression stage to pass truuu last yr as my close fren Sian left kch to UK...but with u owes yam cha wit me n let me side track away from my prob which is by joining ur familyyy occassion like ur bro`s weddin lah, ur niece comin to tis world lah n oso for indirectly suggesting a trip. Thanks again ya! U have make me learn to say thgs more directly ,tho` i m not tat success yet but tryin my very best so i wont have "hidden" emotion, feelings inside me, n sorry for last mth misunderstandingnas mayb of my emo have overcome me o of a sudden at tat mth....period lai ba....hahaha....k lahh thanks a lot ya niang..!

All of a sudden wanna thanks tis 2 gal fren of mine. 1 for being faraway but stay to to concern me n 1 by my side to advice n listen to me tho its quite late for her to hear as all those thgs have bein a history then i balu tell u..ehehe but beingg pull away fromm those probs is a help for me already....mUahs mUahs lahhhh...k! hehe! i oso know that besides them they r oso Norman my maniac fren who have been lendin me ashoulder to cry on tho most of his comfort words dun really help me n oso Edmund to help meee whn i m at d border of a cliff whr i feel like jumping off tat time.....Thanks to u all! u guys alwaysssss.....mUahs!

What Old ones owes rantz n rumbles about?

2007-06-21T15:18:00.000+08:00

I'll tell u one thing, if things keep going on the way they are, its going to be imposibble to buy a week's groceries for rm20.

Have u seen the new car coming out next year? It wont be long before rm10k will only buy a second hand one.

If ciggy keep going up in price, I m going to quit. rm7 is ridiculous.

When i first started driving who would have thought the gas would someday cost so much. Guess we better off leaving the car in the garage.

Kids today r impossible. Those duck tail hair cuts make it impossible to groomed. Next thg u know, boys will wearing their hair as long as the girls.

I m afraid to send my kids to the movie anymore. Eversince they let Clark Gable says "damn" in 'Gone with the wind,' it seems like nowadays movie has either "hell", "damn" or even "f*ck" in it.

I read the other day tat some scientist thinks it's possible to put a man in the moon by the end of the century.

Did u c whr some football player just signed a contract for rm75k a yr jz to play ball? It wouldn't be surprise me if someday they'll be making more than the president.

Marriage doesnt mean a thg anymore; those artist seems to be getting a divorced at the drop of a hat.

Thank God, I wouldnt live to tat day to c the day whn government takes half our income for taxes.

I sometimes wonder if we r electing d best ppl to govt.

No one can afford to be sick anymore; rm35 to visit a doc is 2 rich for my blood. If they think i`ll pay rm25 for a haircut, forget bout it!

-old ppl jz like 2 criticise bout future-

Blueesss Feeling...

2007-06-21T13:45:00.000+08:00

Sigh! Talking about father`s day on d previous blog....whr shud i start to write wat i wanna writee!Well, today is my 4th day of no-talking with my mum again...ya its again! We both r always in cold war but tis yr can say its a lot better as we have been "ok" for d pass 7mths. Goshhh! 7mths no quarrel, no cold war n no crying for both me n mum is surprising- i really try my best to keep my mouth shut whenever i dun agree o watever thgs pop up between me n her but till tis monday....we were at first normally chattin bout others gossips until i mentioned bout my aunts (mums siblings) n i said tat i will not ever help them in any of their favor anymore...like sayin tat help oso boh-iung wat cos kenak blame when shit happens. everythg bout me loh...come on lahhhh aunts u ppl eat n drink more yrs than me but y so immatureeeeee???? o is it u ppl concept about me is all bad???? gosh! every kid have a growing stage n my mum too was having a hard time while me n my bro was goin tru our teens stage n she never blames others for influencing her own kids! but y u aunts r like tat? don`t u think its unfair for me n mum?

Mum love u aunts a lot n she owes try her best to fight u ppl right in front of my dad n me.....n in d end we ourselves ending quarreling with each othr. Sometimes i wonder do u aunts feel guilty for all these? Nah...i think u guys r jz one selfish ppl in d world who only careeee for ur own feelings n ur families. Sheesh! I know its normal for me to count my days of not talkin wit my mum...but with me not talking with her makes my dad have war with her as well. So sad tat everythg seems like back to d past....no talking in d house....a house jz not as much diff as mortuary....:(

Happy Father's Day

2007-06-21T12:41:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was father’s day. So wat u guys buy for ur dad?> well, mine i din even mentioned about it. Feel so bad bout it as last mth mother’s day i make a cheese cake for her but dad i totally 4get everythg. Sigh, mayb all tis while i tot dad is owes close to me i need not do anythg to make him happy as he will be happy when i m happy. Somemore my bro is not here n he din even called as well….wtf! Feel so unfillal lah!

I have bad relationship with mum so last mth i tot of making her smile n trying to tame her heart so not to treat me as her enemy i made her a cheese cake. Is it tis is becos when someone treat u nice then we take it 4 granted n whn some others dun really like u but we will put effort to make them accept us. Guess humans r just “fan jian”(mandarin) i dunno wat is in english. Sighh…feel so guilty o of a sudden but my dad dun even complain any word. But i guess he know my situation as i m jz a student wit no income n allowances as my mum is very strict to me n mostly is dad who give n my dear who give me money to spent so i think even buy anythg for dad oso still his money le. Hehe….but i did cook some dishes which he likes a lot one for him yesterday n i told him in future aft i graduate i will celebrate with him.

Just wanna say soorrryyy to dad from here n i knw he will understd but it js me feel so guilty….k lah i better stop hre…..jz wanna write down to keep track of wat i have doneSorry dad n love u always-Muahs!

Being Blame for Nothing..

2007-06-18T01:00:00.000+08:00

Okayz….i suppose to be studying my damn marketing law, but all of a sudden i wanna write sthg! Went out for a drink with Jass around evening jz now n saw my aunt at hui sing. All of a sudden she appear in front of me wit her dotter n a feeling of strange occur in my heart. Mayb aft those blaming of me teaching her son to smoke o blaming me for not informing her bout her son start smoking. We used to be close n we used to be so much talking whenever we meet but today both of us see each other with awkwardness. Wat happen oh? hmm…ur son smoke oso my fault. Sometimes ah, when prob occurs really can c that opponent true face.

Sigh! For god sake lah, a smoker hangs out with a non-smoker then suddenly tat boy start smoking which i dunno when n all those shit dump on me then…sighhhh! y all shit turn to me le? m i tat bad in their heart? m i tat irresponsible in their mind? sigh! I owes help them…wat they tell me 2 do i will n wat they say bout me i let it go in just a flip of eye. Isnt all these enufff for u aunts? wtf! i had enuff lah! so shit ahhhh…n i dunno wtf i m writing about! damn it!My mum oso blame me for hanging out wit her son but come on lah when my cuzz bro wan a chat wit me can i say no? when he need some help o advice can i say no to him>? he is a young bro for me. Damn, forget bout it lah!

Though i tell every1 i dun care lah, watever shit lah but i still feel d pain inside n guess it wont turn back like before anymore. Sad sad me…

Hidden

2007-06-07T19:21:00.000+08:00

I hide my tears behind a smile

so none can see my cries,

I hide my sorrow behind a smile

so none can feel my dissapointment,

I hide my anger behind a smile

so none can see my temper,

I hide my sadness behind a smile

so none can feel my not well-being emotions,

I hide my ego behind a smile

so none can see my consciousness,

I hide my tenderness behind a smile

so none can feel my emotional injury,

I hide every downside of me behind a smile

so none can know my true personality,

However, I hide all those feeling inside me

I can never hide my concerns feeling to people beside me

so everyone can see,feel and know whom I anxious at most...

(Hiding behind a smile in d darknesZ)

HIM Sagittarian & Me Scorpion

2007-06-06T02:20:00.000+08:00

Love Compatibility of Scorpio with Sagittarius

You're easily attracted to, and inspired by, a Sagittarian's confidence and love of adventure. Chemistry may not be enough to make up for your fundamental differences, though. You follow your gut, while your Archer just shoots from the hip. You instinctively know if a plan is going to work or not, and your partner is likely to ignore your objections to follow an idea he or she is excited about. Your Sagittarius also avoids dealing with anything negative at all costs, which might be a problem for someone who needs to process every emotion - good or bad.