What a memory companion
What a memory smile
What a memory laugh
None was keep in the heart
What a memory pain moment
What a memory sweet moment
What a memory nonsense moment
None was keep in the heart
What a memory debate
What a memory chat
What a memory share
None was keep in the heart
What a memory play hard
What a memory buzz night
What a memory hang over
None was keep in the heart
What a memory joke
What a memory lame thoughts
What a memory singing time
None was keep in the heart
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
A though of my past n recent...in Kch?!
When I was in my high school time I m known as the active devil who jz like to go around places to know ppl. I came back Kuching in 1999 from Brunei. Since baby I was brought to grown up at that Muslim peaceful and boring country. When my dad told me, I have to get my arse root in Kuching soon I finished my Form 2 at that moment I was like an ass having so much thought that I was brought up in a boring culture and now U wan me to get my ass back to a developing city which have so many issue and diff type of race place? I feel so shit at that time. Can say i more to depression already cos lots of negative thought came across my mind which are - i m gonna start a new life in a city I dun even know, I m gonna make new friends which I m so fear of, I m going to new school which the thought of studyin my syllabus in MALAY VERSION and I m root to a ENGLISH basis. It was a slow suicide in mind for me to think of a need to adapt new thgs all over again. Then the time came at tat moment when I finish my FORM 2 (which is Secondary 2). When I first step into Kuching a rush of pressure flowing inside me. I cried at that moment thinking to leave my grown up place which I have rooted thr for 15 yrs. It wasnt smooth for me to start all over again. I went to a all-girl school which I hated so much because of their disipline issue, I have to face my terrible aunt living beside me, I have to adapt to a new place which I will get lost if u drop me to a certain place, I have to be a weirdo at school cos they think that I m an english educated child which is so spoil cos I never join any activities in my previous school, I was treated like an alien to those girls cos I cant speak bahasa malaysia or sarawak. Gosh can u imagine when I ask my teacher that I need to go toilet in bahasa melayu which is "boleh saya pergi tandas" n my fellow girl mate jz laff at me saying tat u shud jz say "i mau pergi kemeh lah" n i was like wat is "kemeh".
Things were all unorganised, things were all a messed for me. I lost my appetite, i lost my spirit at tat time. I even went home telling my mum I dun wan to go to school, I went on for hunger strike and locked myself in d room till my bro have to break the door and pull me out of the room n get a good scolding by him. I forced my dad to come back from Brunei. I blamed him for sending me to a place I don like. I blamed him for not letting me to get an O'level cert instead of sending me here to sit 4 a SPM cert which I never heard of it. I was so fucked up at that moment. Then I started smoking to barred my feelings, I started goin out to pub with my grown up cuzzie. I was so wrecked up at that time. Then my dad move back here as well to go tru wit me. And now I feel so guilty that he have to let go his biz at Brunei and stuck here with me which we both really dun like anythg here.
Slowly I go tru with it by knowing a lot of fren outt from my high school which are some grown up teenagers who r some studyin at INTI and IBMS. I learn my social skill from those chicks and bastards. They r some chick who really care bout me and they r bastards who really take good care of me when I m d youngest among them. To think back they r so nice. n I was so glad to have some fren like tat. Howevr, turning myself into a grown up teen by few yrs time I lost contact with those bitches n bastards becos of attaching to someone when I graduated my secondary level. Of cos at tat time I do have some unwanted bitches n bastards which almost ruin my life. Luckily I got a brother who was helpful enuff to help me when I m in trouble. I was known to my family as a problematic child. Till now my mum still remind me bout wat I have done and who I was at tat time. It do sick me whenever she started the past. hehe...anyway watever, now i m back to some sua pa creatures dy cos i do not like to social anymore unless wit some frens whom I got d feel of connecting wit them.
Since Swinburne, I never like there ok...ya same shit with INTI as well when I was doin my foundation thr. I never like most Kch ppl but my mum owes say "U R KCH PPL WAD!" then i was like ok lah..fine then but I m grown up at Brunei orite...duh! anyway, I owes tot those bastard n bitches studyin really shit....cos its either theyy r super rich who got nth to say but jz saying whr to club at weekends and taking bongs...n they r some super nerd who is so bookworm n give looks to a smoker like me...duh! but today i jz realised they r bitches n bastards in tis country is nice n helpful. Urgh, jz can feel d warmth I got today and it was fuckin nice. hehee...however of cos I have good bitches around me which r Kch ppl and they r super nice but direct in words (ooPs) hahahaha...u knw who u r dear.....kekekeke!
Orite i m done cursing so much here n hopefully if some malaysian or kuchingian read this wont put in heart cos tis is jz my thought okie...:) my lil bit of a re-cap of life in kch for 9 yrs.....o 8? hehehe...
Tats...alll 4 2 day........
*missing Brunei, missing friends thr.....*
Things were all unorganised, things were all a messed for me. I lost my appetite, i lost my spirit at tat time. I even went home telling my mum I dun wan to go to school, I went on for hunger strike and locked myself in d room till my bro have to break the door and pull me out of the room n get a good scolding by him. I forced my dad to come back from Brunei. I blamed him for sending me to a place I don like. I blamed him for not letting me to get an O'level cert instead of sending me here to sit 4 a SPM cert which I never heard of it. I was so fucked up at that moment. Then I started smoking to barred my feelings, I started goin out to pub with my grown up cuzzie. I was so wrecked up at that time. Then my dad move back here as well to go tru wit me. And now I feel so guilty that he have to let go his biz at Brunei and stuck here with me which we both really dun like anythg here.
Slowly I go tru with it by knowing a lot of fren outt from my high school which are some grown up teenagers who r some studyin at INTI and IBMS. I learn my social skill from those chicks and bastards. They r some chick who really care bout me and they r bastards who really take good care of me when I m d youngest among them. To think back they r so nice. n I was so glad to have some fren like tat. Howevr, turning myself into a grown up teen by few yrs time I lost contact with those bitches n bastards becos of attaching to someone when I graduated my secondary level. Of cos at tat time I do have some unwanted bitches n bastards which almost ruin my life. Luckily I got a brother who was helpful enuff to help me when I m in trouble. I was known to my family as a problematic child. Till now my mum still remind me bout wat I have done and who I was at tat time. It do sick me whenever she started the past. hehe...anyway watever, now i m back to some sua pa creatures dy cos i do not like to social anymore unless wit some frens whom I got d feel of connecting wit them.
Since Swinburne, I never like there ok...ya same shit with INTI as well when I was doin my foundation thr. I never like most Kch ppl but my mum owes say "U R KCH PPL WAD!" then i was like ok lah..fine then but I m grown up at Brunei orite...duh! anyway, I owes tot those bastard n bitches studyin really shit....cos its either theyy r super rich who got nth to say but jz saying whr to club at weekends and taking bongs...n they r some super nerd who is so bookworm n give looks to a smoker like me...duh! but today i jz realised they r bitches n bastards in tis country is nice n helpful. Urgh, jz can feel d warmth I got today and it was fuckin nice. hehee...however of cos I have good bitches around me which r Kch ppl and they r super nice but direct in words (ooPs) hahahaha...u knw who u r dear.....kekekeke!
Orite i m done cursing so much here n hopefully if some malaysian or kuchingian read this wont put in heart cos tis is jz my thought okie...:) my lil bit of a re-cap of life in kch for 9 yrs.....o 8? hehehe...
Tats...alll 4 2 day........
*missing Brunei, missing friends thr.....*
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
Without~~
Everything have to do research and analyze....ur report, ur assignts, ur life, ur lover and even friends? ya we need to have some analyzing part when knowing a fren.
Without analyzing their attitude and values,
Without understanding the analyze make,
Without accepting the understand have found,
It all lead to a conflict circumtances in the heart
Without consideration of opposites feeling
Without knowing an inconsiderate feeling sent
Without thinking before making a judgement towards opposition
It makes all thought the opposites was acceptable with the attitude given
Without letting us know about his/her perception
Without limiting our granted actions
Without telling us the truth of his/her feelings with our judgement or jokes
It circle us around the bush for quite awhile thinking that "its not a problem".
Without a sign of limitation
Without giving us a warn
Without knowing so much hidden identity shown in a sudden
It just blurted out its anger with no mercy
So many of without, but with a quick changes shown to us gave us harder to breathe in between with those unwanted, uncertainty, instable and buoyant feelings. We have gave so much "with" but in the end we got all those unpredictable circumtances hitting our head~
Was it a misunderstanding for all this?
Or its jz a research and analyzation have seen to a point in which that ship will result a wreck on it?
Without analyzing their attitude and values,
Without understanding the analyze make,
Without accepting the understand have found,
It all lead to a conflict circumtances in the heart
Without consideration of opposites feeling
Without knowing an inconsiderate feeling sent
Without thinking before making a judgement towards opposition
It makes all thought the opposites was acceptable with the attitude given
Without letting us know about his/her perception
Without limiting our granted actions
Without telling us the truth of his/her feelings with our judgement or jokes
It circle us around the bush for quite awhile thinking that "its not a problem".
Without a sign of limitation
Without giving us a warn
Without knowing so much hidden identity shown in a sudden
It just blurted out its anger with no mercy
So many of without, but with a quick changes shown to us gave us harder to breathe in between with those unwanted, uncertainty, instable and buoyant feelings. We have gave so much "with" but in the end we got all those unpredictable circumtances hitting our head~
Was it a misunderstanding for all this?
Or its jz a research and analyzation have seen to a point in which that ship will result a wreck on it?
A......feeling of the moment!
A contribute given
An appreciation not given back
A feeling of slumber came upon
A thought of give
A never thought of take
A feeling of worth it
A give back of not of value
A swallow of d not appreciate value
A feeling of clashes in between
A car jz ran over us
A needle just prick on our skin
A feeling of uncertainty overcome between us
A dagger was sent in between us
A dagger spear into our heart
A feeling of awkwardness is growing already
A shed of blood has dip out
A pain of d wound is endure
A feeling of fiery is form in d body n mind
A wound has turn into a scar
A scar was meant to be a shattered heart
A feeling of loosing the used-to-be closeness
A shattered heart hard to be mend back
A pain will last as long it beat
A feeling of disappointment I take
An appreciation not given back
A feeling of slumber came upon
A thought of give
A never thought of take
A feeling of worth it
A give back of not of value
A swallow of d not appreciate value
A feeling of clashes in between
A car jz ran over us
A needle just prick on our skin
A feeling of uncertainty overcome between us
A dagger was sent in between us
A dagger spear into our heart
A feeling of awkwardness is growing already
A shed of blood has dip out
A pain of d wound is endure
A feeling of fiery is form in d body n mind
A wound has turn into a scar
A scar was meant to be a shattered heart
A feeling of loosing the used-to-be closeness
A shattered heart hard to be mend back
A pain will last as long it beat
A feeling of disappointment I take
SicKOo!
sick head
sick attitude
sick thoughts
sick worries
sick bonding
sick contribution
sick appreciation
sick priority
sick classes (level)
sick worth
sick let
sick lost
sick pretending
sick moment
sick memories
sick sick sick
sick of every single shittttttttttt~~
sick attitude
sick thoughts
sick worries
sick bonding
sick contribution
sick appreciation
sick priority
sick classes (level)
sick worth
sick let
sick lost
sick pretending
sick moment
sick memories
sick sick sick
sick of every single shittttttttttt~~
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