Memorable mOment~~we 3 chix have...

OoOOoo...HoTTie here....dont she have a devil body thr??????? fuck it...slurrping mannn! imagination running wilddd darlzzz~
Me d chang errr....damn my goosebump grows everytime I mentioned chang er on me...eeww...
Darling typical Japanese gal...yes looks like Jap gal o not? Yesh she is true half Jap n Chinese~
Jass on the gooooo...for her gown style....she looks elegant too here....

Okay tis was the first "zhao xin" which make me so chubby n OLD! i dun like!!!!!!!!.....
Tis is the 2nd style...which is nicer lahhh....hehehe
Me and Jass! Jass was like so funky and naughty! wooOhoo...
Me wit the Qing Shu Huang Dynasty costume but they say its Chang er..... look so lady....gooshhh...~
SopHia the eLegaNt chix in us.....damn i like tis pic of her cos its so her...

What to say? How to say it? I was so in stressed at that time when Sophia n Jass ask me to go for a "sau nu" album photo shooting. Duh! At first of cos I say y not since still young then when Jass was so keen on making it work I feel butterflies buzzling inside my stomach dy...yea I feel sick whn thought of the results but then tilll last 2 months Jass n Sophia went to deposit for the whole thg I feel more sick cos the thought of posing in front of d cam a stranger holding it makes my stomach sick again....till then on d 7th of tis month which is James birthday n our trip to Permai to celebrate his birthday was our shooting day n the appointment was 10 in the morning. I couldnt sleep n i got no appetite cos I m not d type who act cute or who likes to act sui infront of a camera. I feel real sick, I was so sick of it, I feel a wave of tsunami covering tat day n making me so hard to breathe jz like I haven smoke for a day. So shit at tat time...n for god sake by the time reach at the studio I feel so uneasy n I m d one to be put on d make up first. My face was so tensed up n all I can do is to curse from my heart. I was like y the hell i come here to make myself like a clown instead I shud feel more like a girl heart which is I come here to make myself pretty and to be angel....duh! It all comes like have to pose like a sweet gal but i m a cho lor bitch...damn it! Till the touch-up of chemical on my face was down the make-up artist told me to go in to d studio I was like stunned so I try to relief myself saying I can do it. Yah, i turn up so differently. It was so not me.... n i was shocked at first cos of make-up can really make someone face so different. However, wat have to come still will come no matter how u give those puppy look to Jass n Sophia it jz wont work...cos they say its a friends album n of cos got solo lah...damn! So my first shot sux i look so stiff inside then slowly it goes well...but of cos i m still so stiff...n luckily the pose was all lead by the photographer so still of cos it sux cos u have to bend knees with heels on it n some tite clothes on u which i m so not used to it duh~....so d shooting goes so ok till d end. So i wasnt tensed up aft tat instead gave me an experience to poose infront a camera n in future for my wedding photo i will be more ready. N its my first time in a gown which I m more qi dai of how i look like when i m in a gown. Well, it goes well...and it was a memorable moment with my 2 chicks which they r d one who gave me.....Thanks a lot of cos to my 2 dearie pretty chix who do not have any tension for the whole time...damn it! :P There are more tto come aft the whole album out....hahahhahaa....

ANYWAY TIS IS MORE ME....SHARON! WAHAHAHAH....

NIC ASSIST OR PALL MALL ASSIST???

A NicAssist to assist me to stop the urge of smoking. Yesh, sophia bought it for me to QUIT my 9 yrs addiction n companion. All of a sudden really makes me n give me an urge to throw this habit is really hard for me. I do have this keen to quit since one of my aunt have cancer but not becos of ciggy but for living in a healthy lifestyle for her 43 yrs of life she got tat sickness. IT bang me on d face thinking that life is so fragile, it hit me on muh nerve saying that no matter how healthy u r but if u r destined to have a short life no matter how healthy ur lifestyle is there will be a wound coming to u. At first i thought I shud feel more keen to smoke more cos someone so healthy still will have that kind of illness instead it makes me thought of quitting it. I thought of quitting at tht time but ppl jz tell me - "sharon impossible one lar". ya i agree tat its impossible for me. Its so incurable for me n till then I thought wat for quit le since I dun even have d guts to throw a stick wat else a pack of my ciggies. But now, I got this NICassist by my side n it keeps on reminding me u have to quit since thr is a chance for me to stop my urge but d devil beside me saying no used one lah the nicotine gum......

however i tried d 1st piece of the nicotine gum tat day. The feeling of chewing 1 gum started to take my whole system down cos its makes u taste d real nicotine smell n taste in ur mouth really makes me sick but the gum can really helps u to feel the urge of nicotine at ur throat but cant help u 2 stop the urge of inhaling the ciggy part. I m so fear of takin the gum is a waste for me cos i can stop the urge at my throat but not my mouth part but howevr i will give it a try. I need time with my mentality part cos letting off a habit is not ezy. Quitting smoking is jz like turning a new leaf. I m touched becos of telling me to quit but not in saying but in action so now i m so confused bout shud i have an action for those who encourage me to see that I can do it? if i failed what will they think? Confusion came across. I look so independent in outer layer but i m so dependent inside of me....i depend to much on drugs like nicotine but tat ease me cos at least i m not so depending on some other shit. Sometimes to think back i m so foolish to take the habit down inside me but it all has turn into porridge n thr is no time to look back but jz need time to cure myself in future. Give me sometime k....I need time to reduce it but honestly yesterday i feel like throwing the ciggy dy but i do not have the guts. So, I hope tis NiC assIst wont disappoint me myself n the one I love who encourage me....Thanks bro and galssssss! :)) I will add oil to quit it k....:)) Love ya all lotzaaa....

I have to throw one away.......:( n i knw i shud throw which one but for the mean time the left one keep first cos mayb in need...oops:P ehehhehee....

What a memorable moment but none remembered....

What a memory companion
What a memory smile
What a memory laugh

None was keep in the heart

What a memory pain moment
What a memory sweet moment
What a memory nonsense moment

None was keep in the heart

What a memory debate
What a memory chat
What a memory share

None was keep in the heart

What a memory play hard
What a memory buzz night
What a memory hang over

None was keep in the heart

What a memory joke
What a memory lame thoughts
What a memory singing time

None was keep in the heart

A though of my past n recent...in Kch?!

When I was in my high school time I m known as the active devil who jz like to go around places to know ppl. I came back Kuching in 1999 from Brunei. Since baby I was brought to grown up at that Muslim peaceful and boring country. When my dad told me, I have to get my arse root in Kuching soon I finished my Form 2 at that moment I was like an ass having so much thought that I was brought up in a boring culture and now U wan me to get my ass back to a developing city which have so many issue and diff type of race place? I feel so shit at that time. Can say i more to depression already cos lots of negative thought came across my mind which are - i m gonna start a new life in a city I dun even know, I m gonna make new friends which I m so fear of, I m going to new school which the thought of studyin my syllabus in MALAY VERSION and I m root to a ENGLISH basis. It was a slow suicide in mind for me to think of a need to adapt new thgs all over again. Then the time came at tat moment when I finish my FORM 2 (which is Secondary 2). When I first step into Kuching a rush of pressure flowing inside me. I cried at that moment thinking to leave my grown up place which I have rooted thr for 15 yrs. It wasnt smooth for me to start all over again. I went to a all-girl school which I hated so much because of their disipline issue, I have to face my terrible aunt living beside me, I have to adapt to a new place which I will get lost if u drop me to a certain place, I have to be a weirdo at school cos they think that I m an english educated child which is so spoil cos I never join any activities in my previous school, I was treated like an alien to those girls cos I cant speak bahasa malaysia or sarawak. Gosh can u imagine when I ask my teacher that I need to go toilet in bahasa melayu which is "boleh saya pergi tandas" n my fellow girl mate jz laff at me saying tat u shud jz say "i mau pergi kemeh lah" n i was like wat is "kemeh".
Things were all unorganised, things were all a messed for me. I lost my appetite, i lost my spirit at tat time. I even went home telling my mum I dun wan to go to school, I went on for hunger strike and locked myself in d room till my bro have to break the door and pull me out of the room n get a good scolding by him. I forced my dad to come back from Brunei. I blamed him for sending me to a place I don like. I blamed him for not letting me to get an O'level cert instead of sending me here to sit 4 a SPM cert which I never heard of it. I was so fucked up at that moment. Then I started smoking to barred my feelings, I started goin out to pub with my grown up cuzzie. I was so wrecked up at that time. Then my dad move back here as well to go tru wit me. And now I feel so guilty that he have to let go his biz at Brunei and stuck here with me which we both really dun like anythg here.
Slowly I go tru with it by knowing a lot of fren outt from my high school which are some grown up teenagers who r some studyin at INTI and IBMS. I learn my social skill from those chicks and bastards. They r some chick who really care bout me and they r bastards who really take good care of me when I m d youngest among them. To think back they r so nice. n I was so glad to have some fren like tat. Howevr, turning myself into a grown up teen by few yrs time I lost contact with those bitches n bastards becos of attaching to someone when I graduated my secondary level. Of cos at tat time I do have some unwanted bitches n bastards which almost ruin my life. Luckily I got a brother who was helpful enuff to help me when I m in trouble. I was known to my family as a problematic child. Till now my mum still remind me bout wat I have done and who I was at tat time. It do sick me whenever she started the past. hehe...anyway watever, now i m back to some sua pa creatures dy cos i do not like to social anymore unless wit some frens whom I got d feel of connecting wit them.
Since Swinburne, I never like there ok...ya same shit with INTI as well when I was doin my foundation thr. I never like most Kch ppl but my mum owes say "U R KCH PPL WAD!" then i was like ok lah..fine then but I m grown up at Brunei orite...duh! anyway, I owes tot those bastard n bitches studyin really shit....cos its either theyy r super rich who got nth to say but jz saying whr to club at weekends and taking bongs...n they r some super nerd who is so bookworm n give looks to a smoker like me...duh! but today i jz realised they r bitches n bastards in tis country is nice n helpful. Urgh, jz can feel d warmth I got today and it was fuckin nice. hehee...however of cos I have good bitches around me which r Kch ppl and they r super nice but direct in words (ooPs) hahahaha...u knw who u r dear.....kekekeke!
Orite i m done cursing so much here n hopefully if some malaysian or kuchingian read this wont put in heart cos tis is jz my thought okie...:) my lil bit of a re-cap of life in kch for 9 yrs.....o 8? hehehe...
Tats...alll 4 2 day........
*missing Brunei, missing friends thr.....*

Without~~

Everything have to do research and analyze....ur report, ur assignts, ur life, ur lover and even friends? ya we need to have some analyzing part when knowing a fren.

Without analyzing their attitude and values,
Without understanding the analyze make,
Without accepting the understand have found,

It all lead to a conflict circumtances in the heart

Without consideration of opposites feeling
Without knowing an inconsiderate feeling sent
Without thinking before making a judgement towards opposition

It makes all thought the opposites was acceptable with the attitude given

Without letting us know about his/her perception
Without limiting our granted actions
Without telling us the truth of his/her feelings with our judgement or jokes

It circle us around the bush for quite awhile thinking that "its not a problem".

Without a sign of limitation
Without giving us a warn
Without knowing so much hidden identity shown in a sudden

It just blurted out its anger with no mercy

So many of without, but with a quick changes shown to us gave us harder to breathe in between with those unwanted, uncertainty, instable and buoyant feelings. We have gave so much "with" but in the end we got all those unpredictable circumtances hitting our head~

Was it a misunderstanding for all this?
Or its jz a research and analyzation have seen to a point in which that ship will result a wreck on it?

A......feeling of the moment!

A contribute given
An appreciation not given back
A feeling of slumber came upon

A thought of give
A never thought of take
A feeling of worth it

A give back of not of value
A swallow of d not appreciate value
A feeling of clashes in between

A car jz ran over us
A needle just prick on our skin
A feeling of uncertainty overcome between us

A dagger was sent in between us
A dagger spear into our heart
A feeling of awkwardness is growing already

A shed of blood has dip out
A pain of d wound is endure
A feeling of fiery is form in d body n mind

A wound has turn into a scar
A scar was meant to be a shattered heart
A feeling of loosing the used-to-be closeness

A shattered heart hard to be mend back
A pain will last as long it beat
A feeling of disappointment I take

SicKOo!

sick head
sick attitude
sick thoughts
sick worries
sick bonding
sick contribution
sick appreciation
sick priority
sick classes (level)
sick worth
sick let
sick lost
sick pretending
sick moment
sick memories
sick sick sick
sick of every single shittttttttttt~~