What is Love?

What is Love?

Is it that we all belive that Love is when a sensation that magically generates when Mr and Ms Right meet?

Do you believe that we can create Love anytime? Or you believe your love came by fate and destined? So its all about sensation. Well, if its all about sensation then People actually can fall in love and then fall out of love. If it is about sensation means its based on either physically and emotionally attraction.

Have you ever thought of one day your wife turns into a fat woman? Do that still physically attract you?

What if one day your husband put so much time on his career for the family future and he has no time for affection - will this still emotionally attract you?

If it is not, you will conclude your love relationship is running out of love rite?

Some people will say 'u have to spice up your love life like being more sexy or being spicy on bed for ur hubby' n for the hubby have to learn more romantic and have sense of humor to entertain his wife.

Why don't we think love can be created by

Appreciating another's goodness in which I believe everyone of us in this earth have one goodness inside.
Focus more on a person's good can really makes you love that person more instead of focusing their physical or emotional attitudes.
Open yourself to others by giving more makes you love more and do not complains how much you have given.

Love is always a choice for everyone.....

>_0

What makes me irritate him?
What makes me an annoying person for him?
What makes me immature for him?
What makes me thought is wrong for him?
What makes me seems so unprecious to him anymore?
What makes me bring no spark in between with him anymore?

Came across is another stage to go through?
Came across is a karma?
Came across is an ending point?
Came across is a change in person?
Came across is a change in attitude?
Came across is the difference between us?

A change is needed?
A go by its way?
A talk to mend it?
A tantrum to be thrown out?
A space is needed?
Or
A goodbye is needed?

Admiration 3

“To love is to admire with the heart; to admire is to love with the mind”


Today he came and he looks upset
She din know what he is upset about
He wasnt like before as he din talk much
But still he came to the spot
Thats one warm feel she get

She wish to know what is on his mind
She is too shy to ask
So they stand silently for half an hour there
Still not a word come out from both

The time just goes by the silence moment
Then all of a sudden he blurted out a sentence
"I am leaving soon, and I am unable to be here whenever you are here girl"
Her heartbeat stop for awhile and confusion got her mind

She din know what to say
In her mind was blank
And her expression can be shown with a deadly smile
And a sudden she feel like hugging him but sth is holdin her back...

He keeps on looking at her
And he is expecting something from her mouth
He waited for minutes but still there is no word from her
But just a deadly smile on her face and eye glimpsing at the open air

He can feel she is struggling some feeling
He thought is it that hard to spit it out
But then he thinks ya its hard because he himself never spit out what he felt for her
However, he still feel happy because he knew she was heavy hearted after knowing him is leaving....

Admiration 2

"The secret of happiness is to admire without desiring.” Carl Sandburg

How it started?
He saw her in a library
She saw him there that day
But they din talk
All of a sudden he came sitting beside her
She was doin some research for her work at the public library

Suddenly he says "I have always seen you here and I din know you are their friend"
She just smile to him and remain silent
He ask a lot of question and this annoyed her but she feel there is sth going on
In her mind, she do came across him everytime she is here
He do capture her vision because he is good looking
And he is always in between with those girls
She knew he is popular among them

She have a habit whenever she went to that library
She likes to go to a spot and have a peace of her mind
Slowly she realises he was there whenever she visited that spot
Since from the talking session at the library, they actually makes friend that day
Still she finds him annoying because he just love to questions her

Though he talks a lot and ask a lot but for her she loves d companion
She thinks she is flattered sometime
She thinks he have so much knowledge
She feel secured beside him
Remembering once, she got critisize by one male fren and came him stooding up for her
This click her mind thinking that - ~woman just love man~ and ~man just love mystery woman~

She is the one who talk less and this makes him think she is mystery and interesting
She is the one who have a cool face and this makes his heart pound on his chest hard everytime
Ya, slowly she finds out he actually knows her daily visit time to that library
He knew her time to be at that spot
He din really show up much in the library but at that spot he is always there
Sometimes he just like to tease her
She thinks its irritating but there is warm in her heart

Both have feeling towards each other but they remain to be 'that spot fren'
They met each other there without any contacting
Its all so natural till it seems like they can read each other mind to meet there
Again remembering once, she din went to that spot it tooks him two days to ask her why
Thats was d first time he drop her a call
She thinks its funny because they are just friend at that spot
He told her he was worried why she din show up that day
Her mind runs wildly but she never ask why he is worried
So she conclude that friend is worry about each other
But both in their heart there are more than meet the eye.....

Admiration 1

"Between flattery and admiration there often flows a river of contempt". Minna Antrim

Do you enjoyed being admired?

He thinks she did not know he was waiting for her and he never express that he is waiting for her. Waiting at the spot she will always be is a daily routine for him and never have a thought of telling her about what he feel or how he feel towards her. The feeling of having a glance of her is just more than enough for him so he never speak a word about his feelings.

For her, it was just a coincidence whenever she went to that spot everytime. Slowly, she feel weird but she never intends to think other way round so she still thinks its a coincidence to see him there whenever she went there. She likes his companion at the spot and she thinks he is great guy and sometimes she feels so secure standing beside him. She told herself, its a friend thing but slowly comes a different thinking in her thought. She hope to see him everyday.

And she ask her friends whether she is admiring him. Her friends told her yes and encourage her to express it to him. Still, she prefer not to said it out and she thinks it is impossible as that 'he' is very good looking and a very knowledgable person but herself is just a simple girl with no specialty. So she remains silence......for those feeling and enjoy his companion whenever she goes to that spot.

He can just make her smile and laugh whenever they meet at the spot. If she is in a bad mood or upset about certain stuff, he is able to make her smile back. He loves talking to her and he always try his very best to earn a smile from her.....

Times goes by...he never stop seeing her. He knew her schedule for that spot. He have jot down the time and day of the week she will be there. And he will always be the first to reach there and of course sometimes he might be late.

Whenever he is late, her mind will run a little wild thinking what happen to him and will he show up today. And of course, he do shows up and this makes her heartbeat skip a lil faster when he shows up. This skipping of heartbeat makes her imagination run wild and its making her harder to breathe whenever they are standing too close.

Now she wonders again whether she should express her feeling.....

Admiring a person is so sweet in a way but its quite torturing in some way.

Momentary~

Time is clicking fast without any realization. Soon i m becomin a 23 yr old bitch sitting in a couch nothing much done for all tis while. Sometimes how i wish to stop d clock frm clickin but stil its a dream tat can never happen! when young, we owes dream to grow up fast but whn ur age number have reach 2 in da front of ur age, u jz wish ur age number wil remain 1 infront of ur age. Exam is around da corner...n being in uni life 4 3 yrs i have never enjoy or suffer frm hectic moment but tis semester i m relli tired. I never knw i have choose 4 damn subject with so much much assignt hanging thr.

Getting a yr older is nth to celebrate but it is sth to think back hw much u hv done n gone tru. Nth much but jz bein an ass hangin around and puffin da hell out of muh lung here everyday. Of cos studyin is sth to enjoy but nt at tis moment with so much dropping back thr. All i need to do is go forward to strive it back at least a lil bit of way 2 mend my wrongs. Nth was achieve but lots of mistake has done. Sometimes tellin ourself tat mistake is to make us grow but to be quietly think of it is jz some xcuse given to ourself. Perfectism isnt wat i owes wanted but being jz a normal being with some small prinsip is wat i want, however i have broke my own prinsip last yr.

In a glimpse, 2007 soon is comin 2 an end but sometimes wat have happen do haunt me once in a while. Being sensitive about certain issue cant blame myself cos of fearing too much i will go back 2 d circle le. Sometimes thinkin of wat our frens have said o related about wat i have done i jz feel d guiltiness growin inside again. No nitemares about it anymore but every move n step or even evry thought have cross my mind is so carefuly examined n make use of it becos of fearing to make a wrong move or thought again. It has been indirectly affecting me and i m relli tired of it dy but however moving on is still a need....

To think back lying others is jz abundantly painful than being lied~

However, 2molo will be a better day rite? every1 wish me luck 4 my exam yah! hehe! damn~i relli need luck n confidence back to myself! :S

Boring....~

I never have the time to talk shit in here nowdays, wat else final is so near to my eyeball which it is goonnna be like a spear tryin to poke my eyes! darn! anyway, recently i din have much sleep due to a sudden interest influence by 'Niang' - ya online games! damn! n it is only MSN games! gosh! thinkin back 2 refresh my mind for some games i have played before. I m jz not a good gamer.....n i m owes losing it! shit! haihhh` another research report is due on this friday and i have not start a word yet! whn do they wanna start n wtf is wrong....first ass oledi matai liaw ahhhhhhhh! shiat man! ok ok....i m being vulgarish here.....i wanna blog sth but thgs jz dun get into my mind to spit it out here....


When life is so simple n thr r none cliff for u to climb on n to go down fo and tis end up a person like me who wanna blog but nth to blog! wat a boring donkey ass i m here.....duh! anyway i mite jz stop my bullshit here...n have a look at my ass....n hopefully tis ass wont get any red mark on it again.... damn!

ME&HIM

Love in d air or Love out of air?

hahahahahaha! err...its been so long i end up like an old couple with him? hmm! i need some heart beating moment at least rite? hehehe! tokin bout heart beat i remembered having a conversation wit Niang about "does i feel heart poundin on my chest when i m wit Ed?" Hmm, i guess now i can give her an answer! Yea! i do feel or it wasnt?! The moment he reach airport, gosh i feel so anxious n i m not sure its a heart beating moment i m experiencin at tat time but jz the rush of blood in my heart nerve is so in speed. Or is it 2mths of not seeing him and having him not around me jz give me a pound in d chest 4 the hell sake of after 2 mths seeing him! hahaha! it was gr8 to have him back here of cos n i got so much to tell him of wat has happen here in tat 2 mths but however thr is thgs left unsaid.

The moment of updating the news n stuff happen on me n here....jz dun interest him at all! mayb thgs jz gone running on my mind now....i dunno wat but i do not have d time or do not have d mood to ask wats happening. He seems normal bt jz lost the taste of hearing my shit n oso lose the feel of me being an annoying ass in front of him. I dun feel hurt but jz another changing stage has occur in him. I tot i will change as well but seems like I need to be more mature in tis relationship. Thr is no more kiddie kiddie attitude hanging between us lor....n thr is no lovey dovey talk here as well....but of cos he stil treat me as usual lah! is tis wat i wan? do i feel sth lost? yes i gueess.....if not i wont be typin tis shit out! damn it! hmm! complicated....human has too many to learn. haihhh! sometimes u jz hope the time wil stop clicking or u jz hope tat thr is nth to learn but jz maintaining it till both ur leg r step in the box! oOps!

Beautiful and Ugly

"People say it would be terrible if we made all girls pretty. I think it would be great".

James Watson, American Biologist, in NewScientist.com

Sometimes being beautiful or pretty is satisfying and those who are in this category has the most attention if to compare with the normal and ugly ones. They are the one who are actually being ignore and also as a joke for the beautiful ones. Eventually due to this fact those ugly ones are facing at their daily life, they are those who tends to change their genome to turn ugly into beautiful women to remove the sufferings linked of ugliness for them. Do you think it is a good way to handle this fact?

Though being beautiful is a gift of God but being ugly does not mean to be dump-a-side by God or the society. It's born to be so why not accept and appreciate what we have. Sometimes life is just so balance or can we jz call it fair and square? hm! There are rich and poor people all around the world so there are also ugly and beautiful people but sometimes to have a clear view to look at those contrast, we actually can see most rich people are not beautiful and good looking but the beautiful ones are not that rich. Do not mentioned those artists or actors/actresses as we never know what life they are going tru behind the stage or the lens, right? So, which to choose if it is for you? To be natural beauty or to be natural ugly and born in a golden lock or in future to get ur own golden lock?

Life is jz so unpredictable and there lots of unexpected happenings and moments coming towards us so why not live life for the moment.

Which to choose if u? To live life for the moment or live life to the fullest?

Memorable mOment~~we 3 chix have...

OoOOoo...HoTTie here....dont she have a devil body thr??????? fuck it...slurrping mannn! imagination running wilddd darlzzz~
Me d chang errr....damn my goosebump grows everytime I mentioned chang er on me...eeww...
Darling typical Japanese gal...yes looks like Jap gal o not? Yesh she is true half Jap n Chinese~
Jass on the gooooo...for her gown style....she looks elegant too here....

Okay tis was the first "zhao xin" which make me so chubby n OLD! i dun like!!!!!!!!.....
Tis is the 2nd style...which is nicer lahhh....hehehe
Me and Jass! Jass was like so funky and naughty! wooOhoo...
Me wit the Qing Shu Huang Dynasty costume but they say its Chang er..... look so lady....gooshhh...~
SopHia the eLegaNt chix in us.....damn i like tis pic of her cos its so her...

What to say? How to say it? I was so in stressed at that time when Sophia n Jass ask me to go for a "sau nu" album photo shooting. Duh! At first of cos I say y not since still young then when Jass was so keen on making it work I feel butterflies buzzling inside my stomach dy...yea I feel sick whn thought of the results but then tilll last 2 months Jass n Sophia went to deposit for the whole thg I feel more sick cos the thought of posing in front of d cam a stranger holding it makes my stomach sick again....till then on d 7th of tis month which is James birthday n our trip to Permai to celebrate his birthday was our shooting day n the appointment was 10 in the morning. I couldnt sleep n i got no appetite cos I m not d type who act cute or who likes to act sui infront of a camera. I feel real sick, I was so sick of it, I feel a wave of tsunami covering tat day n making me so hard to breathe jz like I haven smoke for a day. So shit at tat time...n for god sake by the time reach at the studio I feel so uneasy n I m d one to be put on d make up first. My face was so tensed up n all I can do is to curse from my heart. I was like y the hell i come here to make myself like a clown instead I shud feel more like a girl heart which is I come here to make myself pretty and to be angel....duh! It all comes like have to pose like a sweet gal but i m a cho lor bitch...damn it! Till the touch-up of chemical on my face was down the make-up artist told me to go in to d studio I was like stunned so I try to relief myself saying I can do it. Yah, i turn up so differently. It was so not me.... n i was shocked at first cos of make-up can really make someone face so different. However, wat have to come still will come no matter how u give those puppy look to Jass n Sophia it jz wont work...cos they say its a friends album n of cos got solo lah...damn! So my first shot sux i look so stiff inside then slowly it goes well...but of cos i m still so stiff...n luckily the pose was all lead by the photographer so still of cos it sux cos u have to bend knees with heels on it n some tite clothes on u which i m so not used to it duh~....so d shooting goes so ok till d end. So i wasnt tensed up aft tat instead gave me an experience to poose infront a camera n in future for my wedding photo i will be more ready. N its my first time in a gown which I m more qi dai of how i look like when i m in a gown. Well, it goes well...and it was a memorable moment with my 2 chicks which they r d one who gave me.....Thanks a lot of cos to my 2 dearie pretty chix who do not have any tension for the whole time...damn it! :P There are more tto come aft the whole album out....hahahhahaa....

ANYWAY TIS IS MORE ME....SHARON! WAHAHAHAH....

NIC ASSIST OR PALL MALL ASSIST???

A NicAssist to assist me to stop the urge of smoking. Yesh, sophia bought it for me to QUIT my 9 yrs addiction n companion. All of a sudden really makes me n give me an urge to throw this habit is really hard for me. I do have this keen to quit since one of my aunt have cancer but not becos of ciggy but for living in a healthy lifestyle for her 43 yrs of life she got tat sickness. IT bang me on d face thinking that life is so fragile, it hit me on muh nerve saying that no matter how healthy u r but if u r destined to have a short life no matter how healthy ur lifestyle is there will be a wound coming to u. At first i thought I shud feel more keen to smoke more cos someone so healthy still will have that kind of illness instead it makes me thought of quitting it. I thought of quitting at tht time but ppl jz tell me - "sharon impossible one lar". ya i agree tat its impossible for me. Its so incurable for me n till then I thought wat for quit le since I dun even have d guts to throw a stick wat else a pack of my ciggies. But now, I got this NICassist by my side n it keeps on reminding me u have to quit since thr is a chance for me to stop my urge but d devil beside me saying no used one lah the nicotine gum......

however i tried d 1st piece of the nicotine gum tat day. The feeling of chewing 1 gum started to take my whole system down cos its makes u taste d real nicotine smell n taste in ur mouth really makes me sick but the gum can really helps u to feel the urge of nicotine at ur throat but cant help u 2 stop the urge of inhaling the ciggy part. I m so fear of takin the gum is a waste for me cos i can stop the urge at my throat but not my mouth part but howevr i will give it a try. I need time with my mentality part cos letting off a habit is not ezy. Quitting smoking is jz like turning a new leaf. I m touched becos of telling me to quit but not in saying but in action so now i m so confused bout shud i have an action for those who encourage me to see that I can do it? if i failed what will they think? Confusion came across. I look so independent in outer layer but i m so dependent inside of me....i depend to much on drugs like nicotine but tat ease me cos at least i m not so depending on some other shit. Sometimes to think back i m so foolish to take the habit down inside me but it all has turn into porridge n thr is no time to look back but jz need time to cure myself in future. Give me sometime k....I need time to reduce it but honestly yesterday i feel like throwing the ciggy dy but i do not have the guts. So, I hope tis NiC assIst wont disappoint me myself n the one I love who encourage me....Thanks bro and galssssss! :)) I will add oil to quit it k....:)) Love ya all lotzaaa....

I have to throw one away.......:( n i knw i shud throw which one but for the mean time the left one keep first cos mayb in need...oops:P ehehhehee....

What a memorable moment but none remembered....

What a memory companion
What a memory smile
What a memory laugh

None was keep in the heart

What a memory pain moment
What a memory sweet moment
What a memory nonsense moment

None was keep in the heart

What a memory debate
What a memory chat
What a memory share

None was keep in the heart

What a memory play hard
What a memory buzz night
What a memory hang over

None was keep in the heart

What a memory joke
What a memory lame thoughts
What a memory singing time

None was keep in the heart

A though of my past n recent...in Kch?!

When I was in my high school time I m known as the active devil who jz like to go around places to know ppl. I came back Kuching in 1999 from Brunei. Since baby I was brought to grown up at that Muslim peaceful and boring country. When my dad told me, I have to get my arse root in Kuching soon I finished my Form 2 at that moment I was like an ass having so much thought that I was brought up in a boring culture and now U wan me to get my ass back to a developing city which have so many issue and diff type of race place? I feel so shit at that time. Can say i more to depression already cos lots of negative thought came across my mind which are - i m gonna start a new life in a city I dun even know, I m gonna make new friends which I m so fear of, I m going to new school which the thought of studyin my syllabus in MALAY VERSION and I m root to a ENGLISH basis. It was a slow suicide in mind for me to think of a need to adapt new thgs all over again. Then the time came at tat moment when I finish my FORM 2 (which is Secondary 2). When I first step into Kuching a rush of pressure flowing inside me. I cried at that moment thinking to leave my grown up place which I have rooted thr for 15 yrs. It wasnt smooth for me to start all over again. I went to a all-girl school which I hated so much because of their disipline issue, I have to face my terrible aunt living beside me, I have to adapt to a new place which I will get lost if u drop me to a certain place, I have to be a weirdo at school cos they think that I m an english educated child which is so spoil cos I never join any activities in my previous school, I was treated like an alien to those girls cos I cant speak bahasa malaysia or sarawak. Gosh can u imagine when I ask my teacher that I need to go toilet in bahasa melayu which is "boleh saya pergi tandas" n my fellow girl mate jz laff at me saying tat u shud jz say "i mau pergi kemeh lah" n i was like wat is "kemeh".
Things were all unorganised, things were all a messed for me. I lost my appetite, i lost my spirit at tat time. I even went home telling my mum I dun wan to go to school, I went on for hunger strike and locked myself in d room till my bro have to break the door and pull me out of the room n get a good scolding by him. I forced my dad to come back from Brunei. I blamed him for sending me to a place I don like. I blamed him for not letting me to get an O'level cert instead of sending me here to sit 4 a SPM cert which I never heard of it. I was so fucked up at that moment. Then I started smoking to barred my feelings, I started goin out to pub with my grown up cuzzie. I was so wrecked up at that time. Then my dad move back here as well to go tru wit me. And now I feel so guilty that he have to let go his biz at Brunei and stuck here with me which we both really dun like anythg here.
Slowly I go tru with it by knowing a lot of fren outt from my high school which are some grown up teenagers who r some studyin at INTI and IBMS. I learn my social skill from those chicks and bastards. They r some chick who really care bout me and they r bastards who really take good care of me when I m d youngest among them. To think back they r so nice. n I was so glad to have some fren like tat. Howevr, turning myself into a grown up teen by few yrs time I lost contact with those bitches n bastards becos of attaching to someone when I graduated my secondary level. Of cos at tat time I do have some unwanted bitches n bastards which almost ruin my life. Luckily I got a brother who was helpful enuff to help me when I m in trouble. I was known to my family as a problematic child. Till now my mum still remind me bout wat I have done and who I was at tat time. It do sick me whenever she started the past. hehe...anyway watever, now i m back to some sua pa creatures dy cos i do not like to social anymore unless wit some frens whom I got d feel of connecting wit them.
Since Swinburne, I never like there ok...ya same shit with INTI as well when I was doin my foundation thr. I never like most Kch ppl but my mum owes say "U R KCH PPL WAD!" then i was like ok lah..fine then but I m grown up at Brunei orite...duh! anyway, I owes tot those bastard n bitches studyin really shit....cos its either theyy r super rich who got nth to say but jz saying whr to club at weekends and taking bongs...n they r some super nerd who is so bookworm n give looks to a smoker like me...duh! but today i jz realised they r bitches n bastards in tis country is nice n helpful. Urgh, jz can feel d warmth I got today and it was fuckin nice. hehee...however of cos I have good bitches around me which r Kch ppl and they r super nice but direct in words (ooPs) hahahaha...u knw who u r dear.....kekekeke!
Orite i m done cursing so much here n hopefully if some malaysian or kuchingian read this wont put in heart cos tis is jz my thought okie...:) my lil bit of a re-cap of life in kch for 9 yrs.....o 8? hehehe...
Tats...alll 4 2 day........
*missing Brunei, missing friends thr.....*

Without~~

Everything have to do research and analyze....ur report, ur assignts, ur life, ur lover and even friends? ya we need to have some analyzing part when knowing a fren.

Without analyzing their attitude and values,
Without understanding the analyze make,
Without accepting the understand have found,

It all lead to a conflict circumtances in the heart

Without consideration of opposites feeling
Without knowing an inconsiderate feeling sent
Without thinking before making a judgement towards opposition

It makes all thought the opposites was acceptable with the attitude given

Without letting us know about his/her perception
Without limiting our granted actions
Without telling us the truth of his/her feelings with our judgement or jokes

It circle us around the bush for quite awhile thinking that "its not a problem".

Without a sign of limitation
Without giving us a warn
Without knowing so much hidden identity shown in a sudden

It just blurted out its anger with no mercy

So many of without, but with a quick changes shown to us gave us harder to breathe in between with those unwanted, uncertainty, instable and buoyant feelings. We have gave so much "with" but in the end we got all those unpredictable circumtances hitting our head~

Was it a misunderstanding for all this?
Or its jz a research and analyzation have seen to a point in which that ship will result a wreck on it?

A......feeling of the moment!

A contribute given
An appreciation not given back
A feeling of slumber came upon

A thought of give
A never thought of take
A feeling of worth it

A give back of not of value
A swallow of d not appreciate value
A feeling of clashes in between

A car jz ran over us
A needle just prick on our skin
A feeling of uncertainty overcome between us

A dagger was sent in between us
A dagger spear into our heart
A feeling of awkwardness is growing already

A shed of blood has dip out
A pain of d wound is endure
A feeling of fiery is form in d body n mind

A wound has turn into a scar
A scar was meant to be a shattered heart
A feeling of loosing the used-to-be closeness

A shattered heart hard to be mend back
A pain will last as long it beat
A feeling of disappointment I take

SicKOo!

sick head
sick attitude
sick thoughts
sick worries
sick bonding
sick contribution
sick appreciation
sick priority
sick classes (level)
sick worth
sick let
sick lost
sick pretending
sick moment
sick memories
sick sick sick
sick of every single shittttttttttt~~

Friends byway or friends of the heart...

(friendss.....)

It's so simple to take good friends for granted and some say or most says in a sense - we should be doin it -.

Friends byway...

(Part of our life journey with a short-term length but very appreciated)

They are the one who always make you laugh whther u r hangin out with them out at the mall or attending a class or for even a drink or in the phone and in which this kind of fren jz by giving us a mere look ccould crack us up. Other than tat, u and tat fren byway of urs had a lot in common than those humors which u and him/her would have uncountable conversations at all hours of the day and night about anythg from ur favourite rock music to the signification of life and also to talked on self-fears,futures n relationships. All this means no lightweight of relationship here which this kind of frens helped each other to survive but when the journey's ended the friendship faded as well. Just like when you r in ur college time so by the time both have graduated then each walk off to their own road and time goes by the contacting of each other turns to none...

This is not a bad thing or r we having a failed friendship but just some frienships are meant to be momentary. Like cowboys who ride hard 2gether for miles sharing both dusty perils and countless night in the woods with campfire coffee and burnt birds to share. Well, we beings live a long path which leads us to have friendships that come to their natural end which is not because of unable to pair with each other but simply because of the path we has run out. Since its an end of trail together then its time to move on to other thgs or other companion...

Though its the end of this kind of friendship but we have to understand these r not a wreck ship we have build but jz a friendship of the road which we all equally share all the necessary,and treasuring each other. They r the one who get us throught a particular strectch of road which we should feel grateful and appreciate the moment of it and make it as a joyful memories.

Friends of the soul

(A true friendship has an old strength like a steel chain)

These friends-they could tell you or anyone more about myself than your siblings. They are the one who know your mood swings and your family history/background and they are the one who have watched you mount and seen you fall as well which this type of friends is so unlike with friends byway cos these guys have stayed with you beyond the road end. No matter how long the path need to be taken and miles that we have to intervene still the friendships endure.

These type of friends will never be lost in contact even we r being faraways and this r the friends whr we rendezvous at weddings and passing tru each other's town if we on a business trips, plans reunions on special days and also shared vacations trips together. They who does not weight thoughts or measure our words but to share all the ups and downs with you just like a pair of hand.

They are the one who cries and laugh with you and spend their times with you when u r in need of a shoulder to lie own and listened to ur grumbles and rantz. They are the one who pins out ur good and bad habits and till the level of accepting it but never fear of tellin you the truth cos he/she will be by ur side to go through the facts that u do not wan to be face and accept. They are the one who knows ur success and happiness in d first place and also they r d one who share their favourtie foods and drinks with you eventhough you have a cough or flu....An achieved real friendship does not matter ur ship is wrecked or make of gold cos wat they appreciate is the bonding relationship between u n him/her...

However, this 2 types of friend are both we need and none is more important the other and wht we shud matter is how to outlast a relationship.....

My stupidity

A mistake made because of stupidity is hard to be flush away from ur mind. The backbreaking of it is not the whole process of d mistake tat have made but is the fact of it happen! I m fill with guilty with that done mistake and I feel so blind when to think back bout it. Its a clear picture of a mistake in d first place yet I was so blindly to walk on it and found myself drench on it. A done of stupidity turns me into a fucking bitch bringin the fear of karma when I in my sleep.
What done is done...and its over. Ppl made mistakes and ppl will turn over a new leaf but a stupid mistakes made before bring myself questioning my own levelheadness, my sanity, my rationalism, my conscientiousness,at tat moment I chose to step into that road with lots of wacky,insane,ridiculous and unrealistic drive of road. Every moment I thought back of it jz makes me feel queasy and filthy in mind and soul. Its not tat ezy to forget a deed which is done with stupidity but however thr is no turning point I can make but live from it though it pains me to face it. I was not hurt because of the vulgarish act but the act of choosing a path tat was so clearly stated its a hell road still I choose to fall in that hideous,filthy,impure,immoral road. And it really turns on my affliction was my foolishness of affecting or almost letting go of my studies which is a road with reality and saneness.
It hurts to fall hard from a stairs and it hurts that I have to always remind myself about that done mistakes to keep my mind to be vigilant of my deed so that I would not have another fall because of my sillyness and stupidity. Ya, sometimes when someone or friends mentioned or talked about that issue I feel a flow of sluggish act I was once doin it.I should be more prudent and sensible yet I was so ignorant and irresponsible at that moment. I hate myself (I never have d guts to admit this) yesh,I hate myself for my deeds. I hate it and I wanted so much to turn back the time. But no, I have to accept it and I have to clinch it no matter what. There is no point of clenching on a mistake and make my life miserable. I can stand up and I do show that I have stand up quite steadily at least though sometimes I feel puny emotionally when I am all by myself.
Oh well,its SO DAMN OVER AND MOVE ON....:))

A worry of how to go through this mistakes,failure and comparations of ur deed by others...and this is why I blog about feelings,comparations,worries,mistakes and failure. a thought of all those i was goin tru step by step and I m overcoming it...

P.S: DUde u can go tru it! wakakakaka! I dun like to grumbles on my sadness,pain or watever emo issues in front of u guys cos its all my filthy faults seek by me MYSELF so I got none to blame but myself and I feel self-disgusted about it..

Icy Rain by Andy Lau (Translated by ME) ;)

I am in wait for a girl,
Or I am in wait to sinks into a sea of bitterness,
This bit of love was secretly irrigated,
None care about the flowers bloom or withered,
A love that can't be clinched,
moving unsteadily back and forth,
I can only jolt my affliction deep into my heart

I am waiting for your return,
But you gave me a reply "serve you right"?,
Ownself silently in a daze,
Yet two people in an awkward position,
How can a good love can slowly turns so bad?

The cold icy rain shivers haphazardly on my face,
Mixes my warm tears with the winter rain,
The color of my vision suddenly hidden,
Your obscurity loiters insensibly besides me

You are just like an executioner who have betray me,
As if my heart has been ripped by a dagger,
A love on a steep cliff,
who would be willingly to accept the most hurtful unexpected intentions

A love on a steep cliff,
who is bold enough to grasp it,
And with willingness to accept the most hurtful unexpected intentions,
Most beloved girl....

ANDY LAU! BOYFRIEND (SONG NAME AH!)

HANDSOME NYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~*SLURP* OOpPS!

Failure....

What do you ppl fear most? I jz realise my most fear is FAILURE! FAILURE IN WAT? thr lots of failure, like failing in ur exam, failing in a relationship, failing in a business, failing in a friendship, failing to be a good son/daughter in ur family, failing in ur working performance....so many more! n i guess every1 is fear of failure! for me FAILURE is d most dirtiest word! shiet! In 23 yrs of life, i knw i have more failure to face but all tis while I have failure in my exam, n failure to be agood friend n oso my most failure is bonding relationship with my mother! I ever think of giving up bonding it back since I have time by time failing on it! But this time I guess I have gain back a bond n tat is to confront n confess my wrongs n oso being more patience between each other. As for exams, i guess thr is no 1 to blame but ownself buut some teens do think of dying if they have too much failure in studies or relationships. But I guess confronting it n facing then try ur best to mend it will overcome more pressured feelings in ur mind.
When some1 is in a failure they try their best to escaped from it n some r pressured by it n brings us down to nervous and anxiety manner. Every1 have diff fear of a failure but being blaming urslf for not tat good or wad lah its not a good way to solve it jz like worries. So, y not face it and admit its a wrong already n it has happens already. Jz like some broken relationship, if it is broken dy n u have try ur best to heal or bond back but thr r none result shown of a turning point then its time to forget everythg n move on. Living with mistakes is not good but living away from mistakes n making ur mistakes or failure into an achievement in other part is excellent right? who never falls down? who never got hurt? every1 does..

If u urself cant cope up wit wat u have fall, try talking to some1 bout it,try imagining to overcome it with the worst situation so at least if u dun fall hard its not tat pain but if u do fall hard then at least u r ready for it,then its time to give urself a chance to stand-up again - but some ppl may think to start pushing d blame on others can give themselfs a relieved to reborn themself, its wrong for doin this cos we will get back to d circle half way tru...so y not jz take the whole failure blame n swallow it inside u n digest it out, having somthg to fall back on is oso another way to face n accept ur failure in a healthy style like some ppl turn to their religion for help or as a back-up or some of us will develop a new strong personal relationships to back themself up and realizing tat a person cant do everythg by himself/herself and lastly is face the whole situation and live through it but prove ourselves that we can survive the whole failure n to start all over again!

Crimes getting out of control? Or Human Beings blood turning cold~

Have you ever thought of a killing crime case happen so near to you? Or have u ever thought of a murdering case happening in ur own land? For me, watching movie or reading others nation case got lah, but happening so near to me and my house never cross my mind at all. And if I happen to witness one 1 day i think I will have a total freak-out anxiety or heart attacks. Duh ya, but yet it happen!

Another scary crime stories came across our land here. Last Thursday a 33 yr old girl was killed at a night entertainment outlet n heard tat it was at 1 of d central park karaoke. She was stabbed 3 times on her chest n her throat was slit...n d scary thg is tat d news spreaded tat it have to do with relationship problem. Another fucking case was a body found in a FRIDGE n was CHOPPED into 11 PIECES and the guy parts were wrapped in 5 DUSTBIN BAGS! GOSH! And the suspect is his wife....n the suspect is then KUCHING PPL! orang kch ehhhh~ a lady in her 30`s suspected murdering her husband in a condo and chopped her husband into 11 pieces! Gosh! Humans r getting inhumanity dy...whr is our warm-blooded value? whr d hell is it? a month back was a child case and in this month thr r so many cases which involve about human takin another human lifes. Wow, it seems so easy huh~ jz a bit of imagination about killing ppl with no difference of ppl slaughtering animals! darn it~All this crime stuff is getting fucking serious as day by days go by....n nowadays ppl cant even have a good sleep about those fucking robbers stuff n now come about news like woman murdered her own husband n chopped him into pieces then kept is remains in the FRIDGE for about 2 yrs? n thr r woman got murdered in public places which every1 in kch owes hang out at for supper,or for a beer in d kopitiam..gosh~! so living in tis world is full of danger already n becos of all this news our parents stop us from getting home late n even stop us from goin to those nightlife entertainment~but to think bout it -today never knw wat happens by tomorro...o tis mins we dunno wat will happen d next mins! Haihhh....being low profile in d society is a good way to avoid this kind of killing conflict...n also if u do find ur partner or any fren got any violence character then better to stay 30 meter away from him/her n try not to offend this type of person cos u wouldnt knw anytime they jz get a knife stab u to death n chopped u into pieces! Oh ya, sometimes we young ppl or even older ppl shud learn to talk with more proper manner cos thr r too many bad eggs who can bei song to u,me US anytime n who knws we will get beaten (very lucky lor) or got murder anytime,anywhr,anyhow....N also our eyes shud learn not to "siong" ppl too much~mana mana tahu u siong tiok some siaw ppl then bei song again! sheesh! y ppl so eng nowdays huh! EEwwWWww!

Worries:)?!

Worries? chinese saying -->忧虑! we human beings r fills with worries every sec, mins, hours and day!!! We worry about our exams results, our jobs, our financial stabiility, our love ones n lots more...n its from day to nite n day to nite again. Thr is never a ending road for worries as long our heart is still beating in this world. When d worries road comes to an end tat means its time for our heart to stop beating n we will be living under d ground we have all step n walk with or we will be fading in a sea or air jz like dust (if we r burnt):P


Worries is also another feelings or mood or emotions. Mood (心情) of worries make ppl feel sad n sick. Seriously, it can lead us to have gastrics, anxiety attacks, depression n many more. D worse thg is it can bring us down with our own pathetic world n tryin not to face the real world. So, y keep ourself worrry since it cant help us to solve problem at all but bring more negative or side effect to our life. I know, worry is sth we all normally will have n ponder with. I cant deny i do not have any. I m a worried-person all d time but i kept it all inside me,very d inner me which is mostly my nite time. Ya, keepin worries inside is not good too but sometimes blurting too much worries out oso bring us no where to go but stuck in a sad position n makin ur loved ones to be stuck wit ur worries as well.
Worries thg stuff ah will haunt human being till d end of each individual life. So, since we r always haunt by it so jz keep it simple n ezy n try not to ponder about it too much which will make u a dull person or a sick ass sitting anywhr with tat shit face? oops again:P If 1 day i m wit tat shit face ah, u ppl jz hit me on d face n say go read ur own fucking writing. hahaha~ nah, i owes bring my worries into my sleep. So, try makin urself bz is also another solution.... worries will never fade so y not face the truth n fact bout it n dun try to blame others for d bad facts :)

Bored to half dead dy...

I am so boring~ damn it! Life without him is killing me dy.....everyday n nite no 1 to talk with. I need some1 to make a nuisance with! damn it! cant call him coz he is working, cant sms cos he is working....damn~ i m getting imbalance soon. wat else i got grounded! damn it damn it!
Boring boring boring boring!
Class is damn boring n scary....jz 1st week we r all overload with assignments dy n i dun even know which to start cos I haven find my group yet. darn darn.....errrrrrrghhhhhh! NORMAN N JASS! I NEED YAM CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA TIMEEEEEEEE~

Comparing...

Y thr is comparation in tis world? everyday,every mins, every sec n every 1 is trying to compare themself with someone, compare thgs with other similar thgs, being compare by old ones amongnst ur siblings, compare tat n tis lah. Wat comparations most ppl made?? Comparation oso got stage of life eh huh!?
When we were in primary school, our parents compare our results wit d neighbours kid, our uncles n aunts kid, schoolmate at school. Wat for? we r kid n i guess its not us who wanna win o when lose we feel ashamed but our parents, our old ones. duh~ another stupidity those adults like to play with.
When we are in secondary school lor, besides the same shit we r being compare which is our academic compare by our parents but thr is slightly diff at tis stage which is we ourself tends to learn n will compare about it. But besides we OURSELF tryin to compare our academic performance with those whom our parents have been teaching us to compare with, we even try to compare looks or a more proper saying PHYSICAL APPEARANCE. Other than tat thr r some of us who will compare about their family financial background(ehem,daddy $$ u compare outside with ur fren-so silly hor?) oOps! Okay, then to a certain age like around 15 to 17 we tend to compare bout our boyfren/girlfren stuff like anythg. same shit wit looks, money, intelligence n blah blah as long thr is smethg to compare they will do it. hehe...becoming more like our old ones? stupidity? nah, or mayb comparation can bring humans to determine more n ask for more perfectism stuff in their life? hmm..duno lah~
Aft all 5 yrs comparing boys,girls,looks,rich blah blah blah it goes on again eventhough we r reaching our 20's. Ppl still do complaints n compare stuff we used to do in high school but now we r backing a bit n tat is comparing who got to go UNI or COLLEGE? n who gonna graduate faster? n is tat comparing intelligence? hehe...dunno~ other than tat we oso compare wat n how much our boyfren have given us like gifts?money? blah blah...ya..even wanna say how much is those gift? let say u got a teddy bear then thr is some fren will jz laff at u..."eee,y ur bf so cheap eh?" lame isnt it? hahaha...jz an opinion here k. Other than tat, thr r comparation bout how well ur life is than the others? Thr r ppl who oso compares their present boyfren/girlfren with their ex-bf or ex-gf which is not good wat cos they r all different ppl lah. Come on lah they come out from different h*les wat~(dodido...:X). Sometimes even good or close frens ppl still tends to compare with them. is tat a close fren? wonderringg....
Then to the stage of working, we still compare again....like k how good is ur work? your pay? mine higher? hahahaa...eh"we same uni worr,but u get a lesser pay n a bad working environment?" u c thr r so much to go on....
Till we r all married, we compares our hubby lah, wife lah, kids lah, hahhaa....tis part we have recycle back to our parents path...isnt it a karma? i mean when v r kids we dun like our parents to compare us with cousin,brothers n sista or kids from school.. n when we r in d stage of our parents we compare our kids with others ppl kid liaw. haihhh~recycle...
Sometimes I do think y have to compare? since we r all individuals with diff abilities, diff bacckground n oso diff level of intelligence. How much u compare thr isnt a good answer always but jz negative points n thoughts will phsycho ur mind n which make u feel sick n sad. sometimes it can till to d extend of hurting ur friendship n relationship. I never try to compare with any1 in my 22yrs of life but thr is only 2 thg i owes try to complains n compare which is 1stly my brother-->he is owes smarter than me n my mum likes 2 compare me with him.
2ndly my mother-->ya i do feel y i cant be very close with my mum like others girls do.
Thats it....
So, sometimes i wonder tryin to look good jz 4 others to c? i think tryin to look pleasant is enought. Comparing financial stability or being successful in d society of cos we have to compare so that we got aims or goal lah. But come on lah, who don wan to be rich. Jz work it out urself instead of wastin time tryin to say who is richer lah, who is more ability lah...haiya..:P As for intelligence i guess this is all by nature or u r born like tat then bo pien liaw...so dun force urself lah if u dunno how to do it....jz like some kids they got force to study very hard to get flying colours n in d end they spend most of their time at mental hospital or "rumah sakit jiwa". Be usual is enough as long u have done ur real best then its ok rite? dun care how or wat ppl tryin to say bout it n self try not to compare wit others tat much then u will have a happier life i guess...jz be urself:)

TIME ticking...fast?

I wonder if it is when all of us grew older, time seems to be not enough all the time. Its like the clock is clicking or ticking so fast tat a day can jz pass in a glimpse. To think back, when we r still kids, how we hope d clock will tick faster so tat we can jz end our school session n get back home to play but now though studyin in uni d time-table is more flexible n relaxing but for me I feel like I always dun have enuff time for tis n tat. Jz like today, my class was in d morning 8.30am-10.30am n by d time i finish my class,went to lunch wit mum n dad n drive myself back home its already 1 sth in d afternoon. Half a day has jz pass like tat with no thg achieved or gained. Since reached home I arranged my damn time-table which is a mess with lots of clashes here n thr then d time is jz gone for an hour dy.
Ya,its 2 pm already n few more hours our sun gonna set n night gonna fall out. N when we get to sleep n wake up. Tomolo is another day again. Feel so wasted o feel like "cho boh lan" duh! Tats d thg, sometimes i still feel yesterday we jz celebrated our new yr but now its already d month of AUGUST! And 4 more mths to go, we r gonna celebrate another new yr...the faster we feel d time tick, the older we feel n d more circumtances or problems or stuff awaiting in front of us to face n to solve. who knws in a glance of a period of time in which we dun feel its goin slow as we r gonna b buzy allocating a better life,jobs, feeding kids n bla bla blah...then suddenly we take a break 2 c how much n wat we have gone tru n by dat time we jz realised we have live half of d century dy? hahaha....jz like our parents they grow up,work,married,raise kid,work n work n work n now they r all fill with grey hairs at their head n we never know when they will leave us from tis world to do their step by ourself.
To think about it, a sick feeling jz fill up our body. Feel so sick 2 face those unbearable pains, feel so sick tat we r gonna face d world by all ourself....so y not have a think about time can be gone so fast n if v r still stuck in some old thgs which will not be ours anymore, then wats living a life for? move forward is d best n face the reality:D
Time is owes precious so y not make our life precious too by living it to d fullest. U never know wat will happen tomoro so y stuck urself up in somethg that has no turning point? Unless those who feel tat thr is stil turning point or they have more time to wait n wait for it.....

Heartbroken or Heartbreak

Heartbroken or heartbreak is jz a simple word we used to hear from or said to someone and it is also a very normal situation to most of d people in d world especially in todays world or todays youngster or even at most adults. But y thr r still ppl unable cure from a heartbreak?
Heartbroken is a very weird affliction in which can give us human an intense pain in d heart n emotions which we all physically cant c the d injury on our body. It also can make us go over n over of d past n slowly n dashly make ourselves compelled with so many many diff ideas n even fantasies to overcome our pain. Is this a right way? Nah! If we do keep on like tat it will jz make our own feeling worse. Of cos when an important love relationship ends thr will be lots of different responses triggering in our mind cos of d feeling of loss n pain. As we know, wat brings us to have a love relationship? -->FEELINGS rite? ok wat ended us wit heartbroken?-->FEELINGS also? Ya i think most of all yes...y not feeling? we love some1 becos we jz hav d sensation of adoring tat person. we break up becos of losing d feeling towards tat person u used to love? but of cos nowadays its not only feelings but lots lots of different factors dy which is those realistic o materialistic factors lah. Okay, back a bit bout feelings. It is something tat is so vague in idea n a flow of sensation sending down to our heart n mind in a very unpredictable timing or way. It is sth so hard to maintain,fulfill,accept n oso a very uncertain, hidden,complicated sense build inside us.
So, all this heartbroken,feelings is all about emotions. It make us pain, distress, angry, sad, devastated, imbalance of life, lost track, despair,regretful,jealous...it goes on n on wit those negative terms n slowly it will jz bring us into depression n if we dun think of a way to heal ourself then we cant really move on wit our lifes anymore. So,ppl wit all this bereavement,parting of relationship n suffering pls cure urself n stand up again. Set urself a period of time to grief n aft d time pass then stand up again n look for a new start k. All this parting n suffering r unavoidable parts of our life.
To heal urself try to not to be DENIAL ->tryin to not accept what have happen and 1 is already accept BUT FEEL ANGRY ABOUT IT. However, when we r in heartbroken situation feeling grief is a natural process to go tru it but dun take so long cos thr others outside ur world waitin n wanting u...so dun get stuck n keep on repeating d same hurtful feelings over n over again. Also try changing some normal habits u were having n lead urself to a new habit n lifestyle to put d distressful part at d back of ur ass n make a fart of it k...
Losing a love or a heart wont destroy ur life cos thr r still SUN n MOON, DAY n NIGHT, jz like thr some others which can bring colors n beautiful moments to ur life. Road is still a long way to go so y not take those past as a sweet memories as u knw thr r still happy moments while we r with our previous love or relationship.
So, cheerz up no matter wat happen. Always remember to set a time 4 urself to mourn bout d pain n when its time over get back to ur life n stand up high again....
Even when 1 day our parents or our beloved one part from us from tis world we still have go onnnn cos v r still living n breathing...so wat else jz some broken relationship? Time to mourn n time to smile...its a recycle:)
So cheers up when u r done with ur mourning:D

I m still in shock...

Never thought of living my life for 22 yrs who never have a problem of going out late or go out often but becos of 1 huge mistake me myself had make n choose to confess it all to her n i m grounded by both parent. Mum have change her strategy, she is not like b4 anymore in which is by scolding, grumbling n making u wanna burst to quarrel with her instead of she use a gentle way of telling u n advising u n oso a gentle way of telling - "u must stay home more dy k becos of ur mistake which have let us so disappointed n u r a grown up dy so u better c ur limit n handle ur own schedule k" - gosh isnt tat scary? if u r my mum's dotter u will feel scary all of a sudden she chat wit u nicely n slowly. Sigh...
So u c, Wanna go out oso need to c d timing, c whose bridge i can borrow to cross. Its my 1st day of being warned n grounded n i m so not used to it dy..Wat a joke...22yrs old got grounded! dang! hahaha...oh well, life! its always unpredictable n my road of life all tis while got lots of surprising thgs happen beside me. Ya, Jass u r right I got full of excitement stuff happening in my life but not colorful one n its jz all grey k.
N all this is so mind suicidal for me. A sudden change of mum being so understanding, a sudden change of all d bad thgs turn out to be solved easily with a wink of an eye, a sudden feel of luck is on my side now....ya so many sudden...so many unacceptable sudden n i m bit of having a problem to digest it all in jz a glimpse.
Though thr is a sigh of relief, but sometime when thgs turn so upside down of wat u xpected its jz hard to accept wats it. But in d fact it have happen so all those emotion days, depressing days, stress-out days has all of a sudden jz turn into nothing jz like a puff of smoke from ur mouth n fade-out in a secs. Duh~
Yr 2006-2007 dilemma is jz like tat n its jz poof or done by like tat. It stil makes me wonder how can it be so easy n simple but I guess its time to let go dy as d outcome has shown so I wanna say bye bye to those stupid thgs I have done n let it 4ever disappear from my mind n heart. YEA! kekeke!
NOw I can SHOUT OUT LOUD "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"! HAHAHA...yeehaaa....
P.s: Norman dun depress liaw lahh..thr is owes a way out lah k....c to d brighter side yaa...:D

A miracle? A change of Fate? O jz Change of ME n MUM~:D

Hmm...I suppose to watch my tvb drama series but ending up my mum came in my room n chit chat till now. So surprisingly....well, it has been so long I dun have a good chat wit her dy o shud i say I never have a real long talk about lots of thgs with her with a peace ending (hehe...ya v din end up quarreling or end up unacceptable thoughts).Yesh yesh a chat till now (1sth in d morning) . Guess a yr of 2007 was a good start at all. A change of me being more patience towards her attitude of me in her heart the bad n likes to fight back wit her all d times dotter. N d change of me being silence this whole yr no matter how temperate i was inside me. Guess its worth of it to change.
Ya, can see thr is changes of communication style between me n her. Ya, i do take d advice from Edmund n James. Firstly, the thought of 2 slow 4 a change but I guess its all not too slow yet. hehe! Can feel d way of most daughter in d world to have a lil chit chat session wit mum is jz so nice n comfy. Feel so warmth inside...mayb she have change too...guess James did tell her sth. Mayb both of our thgs need a third party to cure us..
Ya, its all of a sudden lots of changes n living 7 mths ahead of yr 2007 was really great all tiz while....
phEw! Being stubborn doesnt help or solute thgs out n being patience n being more tender is 1 solution to handle both our relationnshipp...Hopefully, those grey days n shit stuff happens b4 is all wipe off from tis yr on...n thr r owes rainbows n colors of life. It jz need time to wait for ur turn gua..so I have waited one dy...n hopefully thr r more 2 come n of cos I wont say i wont have another grey days but being more mature to handle it liaw bah....
hMmm, guess i can have a good nite sleep n tomolo 2 start a new semester again...with books,words n lecturersss...*eew* urghhh! hehehehe.....
Unable to stop d feeling of posting it out of wat happen jz now...d feeling of it err...i dunno how to described lah but frens who know me guez they know how great n satisfaction i m feelin noww.....:)) smile till wit double chin liaw lor...kekekeke...nitez!

Backiee....

Wow, its been a week I din post anythg at all. Was kinda bz wit my firking enrollment day n firking family politics (keke), n my very very own firking personal relationships. Really need some time of reality way n thinking to face tat 1 dilemma... n ya it took me 1 week 2 think clearly to take tat action to settle d most dilemma thg have happen to me in my 23 yrs of life. darn! Yay,done done done or settle settle settle.....*pheW*
Shud i jz shout out loud "YEEEHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" or "yeeePeeeee"? hehehe....i m not shouting out loud yet but inside of me a relief of sigh flowing all over my nerve! I wanna thanks GOD for givin me another chance...:) okay okay stop all these drama drama act for a while...
Firstly to say sth which is SWINBURNE enrollment day SUX MY ASS OUT FOR FIRKING 3 HRS lining some queue which isnt a queue at all n yay u HAVE 2 LEARN TO CUT QUEUES if thr is any queues u gonna make in SWINBURNE damn it! anyway got to enroll at last wad...n over 4 about 4 days liaw lah so my gas a bit cool down liaw (inglishy gud le?) was a bit firked up wit words n mind thinkin tis few days so dun even wanna post anythg in case it become more mess up than those post. Bad english n grammar is like tat one lar! duh~
Secondly, er...i prefer to keep it confidential accept 3 of my frens knew bout it n i knw tat is my most fucking shitty thgs i have done n my most sickening dilemma which have been haunting me for more than half a yr...so kinda settle in a way...:P
Thirdly is, I m all alone again cos my soulmate or my dear have jz left me for his outstation duty n he is leaving me for 2-3mths. Darn! Tis is d 3rd day for not havin him beside me n at 1st i thought i m so not ok wit it coz I was having too much personal n family prob in which I need some1 2 stand beside me, to console n support me. But it jz happen, wanna go off one still have to go off n one wanna stay to face all d shits still have to confront it n face independently. sigh~it was quite over dy though. So I guess I still can stand up myself but I still miss him a lot n quite hurt tat he have to work so late everyday n I dunno y I m being so lovey dovey towards him lately n yah i miss his smells. damn! anyway, done with 3rdly...:)
Lastly, yea class startin tomorrow...n time table kinda sick cos quite pack as I have 3-4 classes in a day but not everyday of cos n tis I can accept but to attend class till 5.30pm n 1 have to be till 7.30pm really makes me sick. But at least I can skip some of my dinner cooking session. *giggles*
Ya I m done wit most of my 1 week updates which is jz boring as usual...hmm! wanna write sth more but mind is jz not workin at all...:S

mayb i wil think of sth to post soonnn....hopefully soon cos i jz realised I have finish downloading d 5 episodes of my tvb drama series -"the drive of life". keke! Okayz...better start watchin n start downloading another 5 episodes....

Oh no!!!!!! I have suddenly thought of 1 shiat not settle yettttttt!damnn...n tat is takin studio photoooooo...urghhh~ ok ok...Jass n Phia tryin to give me memory of being a "sau nu"....errrrghhh..goosebumps growing~ dangggg! I will pay soonn...hopefully...n la la seng finish it fasttt...:P ekekeke! *snarlz*:Z oh ya, if tis photo taking session end up a bad n a clowning xperience 4 me then i m sure i will have some phobia in my future wedding photo session:P

Okay, done wit my crapz....tata..

Girls needs and wants& conversely I dun have it at all..-_-"

Okayz...here I m gonna list 10 thgs a typical normal girl, ladies or woman will have n will do. As those who knows me this is a female blogging here k n read on wat so diff bout me. B4 starting that list in d same time tat is those 10thgs I dun have...n do k. Wat a girl I m! This is jz mayb I have more manhood cells inside my body instead of more girlishness inside me o outside of me..wateva! :P~Ya, sometimes i do wonder I m a girl as I wore more like a boyish style, sit like guy, talk loudly like some hooligans (:P) n likes to use vulgar words all d time. Orite I aint no lesbo ya, I like male species k n I do have 2 bump of mountain in front of my chest in which I never have any intention to shrink it smaller like some man-wannabe n thr between my legs r flat in shape k..But I like Sammi Cheng's "pui ki tio" chest...(*winks*). Anyway, diff ppl have diff interest wat. Here goes the lists:

1. Pefectly ladies wardrobe filling with trendy clothes,pants,evening dresses or bla blah -it goes on in which i dun really knw wat d hell it is and adversely a girl like me who only have t-shirts,jeans, athletes shorts but of cos I do have skirts lah but its only d number of 3 in my wardrobe. N i have not own any evening dress yet.
2. Make-up kit! o lipstick...okay, I never buy any lipstick n I dun put make-up! but sometimes i do some eye-lining part n mascara-ing my darn short "atap-chu" eyelashes. Duh me~
3. Shoessss, heels which ladies r owes a-must-have diff type n colors of heels o shoes! Contrary I dun wear heels accept for my damn course presentation period o sometimes when I m down to some bar drinking...trying to dance with it. N for ur info i have only 2 heels sitting inside my shoe rack. Ya i m owes a slipper slave...:s
4. Hair make over- in which most girls will do...whenever thr is a new trend! Guess wat I m owes on my pony-tail n in which its owes in a mess no matter whr I go till last yr I was confront to cut it short with some bob-hairstyle which for me doesnt really looks like one. But they r some says I look better in short hair (still wondering I shud keep it back long again-urgh I miss ponytail) .
5. Handbags - gosh its ladies need! N for GOD sake I never carry any n oso I dun use wallet or purse n tat is y my notes is owes scrambled inside my pocket in which everytime i took it out it jz looks like "scrambled eggs". So u can imagine I dun even have a tissue pack wit me.
6. Accesories in which most gals would own a lot to match their beautiful worn-outs. Ya, I dun have any of those accept I wear a gold-necklace n an anklet n some rings which is gold too. But I m fancy in earrings as I got few piercings. :p
7. Hmm, wat else!? Perfume rite? to smell nice n attractive...n nah I dun really use it unless I m on some occassion.
8. Fashion Magazines - orite this I read most of d time but not trying to cope my style but jz to gain some new trend knowledge n oso to peep for new lease of handphones...ya some magz have those advertisement of handphones k.
9. Shopping - Urgh, I hate shoppings k unless I m gonna shop for handphones (do di do..) or sometimes jz shop for more xtra shirts n jeans lah.
10.Bitching - OoO! tis suits me, i do bitch a lot..wahahaha...bitching is good...so 1 point up i m a girl (duh!)
Okay I can only think of 10 thgs...n who can list out more for me about a girl must have. Oh ya I aint one LV fans or Gucci fans as well but I would like to own one Prada shoes one day:) hehe...n I more into Guess in which their tees only n their jeans nahhh..i prefer levi's more as it can make girls booty more bootylicious...hehee...

$525.00 (Oo!ELEGANT) $273(cOmfy)
Ya those r so so me! In which I aint have anythg sounds like a GIRL wat else to b a lady...sheesh! But I m comfy d way I m n howeva of cos I wanna get a reform 1 day....haha! *rolling my eyes*
(SEE THE DIFF - L-R ->JAsZ,mE,PhIa)
P.S: I do doubt when I was looking for a stomach to bore me out - did i run too fast till i lost my hood n birdy? wahahahahaha! stupid joke here..:P