Mouth to be cocking around

Gosh, its almost 2 mths I have not been in here! Nothing much to update as I have tons of assignts on hand but yet I din seem 2 be in rush of it. If thr was update thr r words unable to to be put it on as a picture to c d whole story.
Have so much to be uttered as thr r tons of hard feeling inside. Sometime a person stubborness can relli hurts other alot but anyhow just let it be. I just treat it to be that person attitude which is hard to be change.
Keeping an eye open and an eye close makes the day a lot better to go tru instead of opening both ur eyes c it and unable to speak a word about it. We are all individual so we all have different thoughts and attitude. But we are being created to have a mouth to debate what we do not like to hear or we like to talk about others and the mouth is for us to protect our self. I dunno what I m toking about but sometimes when a person uses word to hurt others is lot lot painful than being stab or cut by a knife. We were unable to stop others mouth but we are still able to let our ear shut and pretend he/she is toking shit stuff.

The Her and He

Young -> Old -> Into the coffin!
It would be great I guess if me & him stay this way! But I prefer to die fast cos I am too afraid of aparting with someone I care and love. So, It has been 3 months 25 days we have separated. But of cos he did come back for 3 days visit and oso to attend one of our friend's wedding. I do miss him but not everyday lar. Our distance relationship has not much changes. Of course I wouldnt know what changes he had thr cos' I am unable to see! Anyhow, I wil be just doin my very own best and be what I am. If we are meant for each other then there are no obstacles we cant go tru right. So I told my dad not to worry about me and him as if he is mine, he will be mine. If he is not then no choice lor. There are so many fishes in the sea or trees in the forest. So,if d bad new comes then I have 2 face it and sad 4 a few day is enuff le.....

♥ me or hate me

She is consistently unreasonable to me again or most of the time if that person is around. I try my best to think rationally and wisely for her actions and words utter from her but time to time she disappointed me. I started questioning my own attitude and characteristics again. Am I being envious or green eyed? Was I? Am I? The question linger on my mind again since then. It gets on my nerve again but not that harsh like before. I am telling myself to be numb about it because it's nothing new to me.

Ya, its nothing new as this issue has been going on for a decade already. But why it still affects me? This is because she is someone that I care and I must care. Isn't that she has the same responsibility to treat me that way as well? Alright, maybe she do care but....oh God I can't convince myself for that statement coz' her actions are too obvious that I am not that much of her priority if to compare with that person.

I used to assume she has prejudice on me, and I got lots of funny and stupid reason behind all these actions which is maybe my chinese birth time and date does not suits her and maybe our horoscope are not compatible to be close at all. Funny, huh? However, those superstitious mind does not help me feel better at all. I even thought that I have problems on my attitude which she do not like. Maybe I am selfish, I am easily green-...etc.

But now I am partially assure that has prejudice on me. I have change to be better, to be more obedient, to be more patience in temper but it gets back to the circle again. She really treated us so much differently and the comparison of the difference can be say as that person goes heaven and me go HELL. Yeah! Isn't that shitty? I am not bluffing guys. I tot I can take it but still I cant take it. I tot there will be a change of fate but after all it's back to the same ol' ol' way. However, I keep on reminding myself I must be patience. It's all normal actually. So, I must be impulsively calm to keep the peace between us. I will let it be. So, I will be cool about it and mind my own bizness and I will not shoot out the bullet until I finish my mission.

So, at the moment I do have the heart to stay away from this place. It's not that I hate it but maybe I shud have a fresh air at some other place. Mayb in this way, I may not have a heavy heart to leave here. But if situation change I still prefer to stay at my home sweet home of course. I guess I have to stop blurting shit out now cos its 2 a.m in the morning and I have to get up early 2molo. Well well, I have my last 10days at that freaking workplace. hehe! Thats all for the rumbles and rantz. I will be cool bout it.... so say it with me yip pee yay kay!!
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Straight A's NOT! Haha!

Hardwork do give us a good show in the end! Thank God Thank God for giving me a new new chance after a yr! I have one more semester to strive on and till then I will be free from books! I need more mind support from anyone and most important is myself! ANd and Family! They are very indeed my mind support! No quarrels no big problem can give me a peace of mind to go tru this damn fucking final sem! I cant wait! I have waited for so long to tell that I am in my final sem! And

Now I am cant wait to tell that I have go tru my final fucking sem! Yet I cant be too confident about it cos the road of life has so much unexpected things that will happen! Sometimes is better not to expect too much. I din expect so much on my result but it was weird when last 9 I was going to bed I keep on seeing vision of my results and the result seen does not have any alphabet of N in it! I cant relli sleep last 9 cos tis is my final stageeee which my mum told me. If I am going to flunk any of the subject again my mum jz not gonna let me continue anymore. Well, she do freak me out for that.

I do not want to let go and this time achievement wont make me forget my damn stupidity in year 2006. I will let it keep on reminding me myself about it, remind myself how stupid I was, remind that how I have wasted times and money at that time. It will always be a reminder for me to be more conscious and steady always. I have say sorry so much in my heart and I hope the one I had hurt will forgive me if one of the most fear day for me comes.

I have promise my dad I will do good and I will try my fucking damn best. I always feel so shame that ppl ask when will I graduate. And because I am unable 2 graduate on time I had this self-consciously of measuring my intelligent. This 1 1/2 yr I have always question myself whether I have the ability to study a fucking simple course. And I always blame myself for being so stupid. But yet I guess hardworks actually brings an achievement at all.

I m not a super duper high achievement student but I never worry about my studies until i started uni actually. I did not give up and I do put effort on it but Bro say I could have put more on it. Well, sometimes life jz has up and downs to be face and it all depends how strong we are and how ur frens n family has mentally support u. Maybe harsh words do help sometimes. hehehe...(mentioning a lady of my life) And a girlfren of mine do give me hard rocking word to listen and this actually beat out my pride. Though i do not share but I bear it on my mind that I wan to show myself that I am not stupid after all and I still own maybe a lil bit of the ability to finish uni. Heheh! However, Thanks myself for the hardwork, thanks God, family and friends for being side of me in somehow :)) hehe! mUahs!

Life is just alike as drama

A new drama series of TVB again! Moonlight Resonance yet another exciting modern, family and business conflicts genre drama series. It has most of the actors and actresses of Heart of Greed but it is not the continuation of Heart of Greed. The Heart of Greed was a kicked ass touching drama and was rated the highest for that year of drama series.

TVB uses back the same actor n actrsses to attract viewers to watch this drama. Viewers of TVB drama series must be very curious about this new "pattern" modern drama because of the same same actors esp Tak tak dei is insde n of cos nowdays favorite actor of people which is Raymond Lam! I CANT wait to download this fucking drama series and fuck it is yet another 40 episode movie. However, I am still waiting for anther drama which is The Jewel of Life which contains 80 episode to be catch up....:S

I am sorry

I have run out of idea to help you and I do not understand why we have been helping you yet you do not want to stand up straight and right again! I feel so exhausted already and same shit as them. I can even have a pat on my butt just walk off with all these shit that has happen on you! But can I do it? Am I able to have the heart do it this way? No! I cant cos you are one of my closest person in the world of my life. Yet, I am not sure I have done wrong for those thgs that I have told her. End up, seems like you thought that I have bitten you a bite from the back. Was I? No, I try to help you.

I tot choosing tis way will make you awake and realize that what you have been up to all this while is a huge mistakes or faulties that you have given most of us 2 feel it. I know how suffering and stress as you the one who had brought all these shit up. I knw that you feel 100 times pain inside you than us. But ur doings of repenting is not tis way. We human make silly n stupid mistakes but we are given a gift by God not to give up after a wrong but the gift given us was to understand our wrongs and stand up back for it or mend the wrongs. We are not born to escape or avoid mistakes and facts of life. If u were able to accept those shit has happen and apologize for it, I gurantee you that ur life will be better than ever and by the time u turn back ur memories you think it was a change of ur life and those stupid wrong doings has turn u into a better person. If you are still in a confusing situation like now and do not want to face the truth that shits has happen, then so sorry u wont able to have a better life then.

Sorry always seems to be the hardest words to say but I am not sure I have wrong for that but guiltness has been building up in me tis few days. I am so sorry and I really hope thgs can be back normal for u n her. We all want a good ending of you twos so dun give up! It feel so funny that I have to say sorry but I meant it! Life is always like roller coaster n most of the times it was all like a JOKE. So why not laugh at those stupid joke when it is over.

Anyhow, I did not expect it has turn up this way but I am really sorry for what have happen. If anythg happen I think I will bear this guilt forever and I may not know how 2 face u in coming days so Please please be more steady from now onwards and fight back what u have lose and lost. We will always send out our pair of hands to hold you when u need it. Trust me!

I am so sorry! AND girl another chance is needed here.....it doesnt end this way and this easy because heart is hard to build and turn 2 into 1.

Puffing puffs of nicotine plus sips of caffeine let the day begin....

With lots of diff numbers~ 2days dy and I m quite sick of it.......:S

"5 secs ShotGun" reality show

It happens after a "shotgun" in a dark place whr most of the young adults like to hang out during the weekend

He used to admire her secretly in few years back while they were in the same college

They used to hang around together but of course not both of them only as there are others around

As mentioned above, he was admiring her secretly so we knew that he had never let her know what's on his mind about her

And both go by their own way 5 years back as they all have graduated

So, as a friend I guess he kept that lil feeling of his inside his heart and maybe he had actually forgotten the feeling

However, it was kept inside him and was not throw out so unexpected expressing and action maybe shown if one day they meet each other

Humans feeling are just too hard to be explain most of the times especially if the feeling is love or like of an opposite sex

So, do you wonder that sometimes there are feeling inside you towards a certain person and in the past you never have the guts to let him/her know - maybe at that time you still young in age or you may think that it's not the right timing but however people get older tends to have more courage to speak their hidden feeling

I do wonder actually - but the point of telling out that buried and hidden feeling for many yrs is what?

Was it just a clarification to be made to the opposite that you ever like him/her? Or was it that you were expecting something - a chance to be together? Or was it a "true regret" you were holding all tis while?

Well it can be any reason because feeling and love comes and goes by no reason most of the time

However, the story goes on....

Recently, the boy met the girl after 5 years of parting

They were like normal and everything was so great

Altogether had a fun time together as they were back for another girl friend's wedding

However, that boy out of nowhere starting to do some "shotgun" for us to see then he got kinda tipsy after that 5 sec shot of beer to his "already-beer belly"

All of a sudden his gun just ran fire and shot at the girl by telling his feeling for her in the back old days

The girl was shocked of course and the boy yet slowly finding himself want an answer from her

Too bad, timing was not right again because he have to leave the very next day

He tried to extend his stay but unable

So, he went back with a heavy heart and his imagination and action run wild for a whole week expecting for an answer from her

So, he was kinda depressed back home and he was unable to concentrate anything but HER eventhough he was attached at the moment

Can we imagine how crazy the word of "love" can be? Or maybe put it as "feelings"?

Scary enough to thought of it coz 1 wrong move, 1 wrong give and 1 wrong take can hurt many others "feelings"

However, he was able to be awake by few of his friends and to make him the realization that - IT WAS ALL A DREAM AND THE FLOWER WAS BLOOM IN UR MIND NOT IN REAL

He was okay and both of them are still in their best friend status......

Now he feel guilty for his partner but "Hey fren, no worries cos you know how to turn back ur head to have a huge realization of which flower actually blooms." :)

So end of the whole fucking crazy sparking fire thingy relli crack my head up becoz I think it's funny and interesting that a human feelings are all so uncertain and unexpected.

P.s: I learn a lesson from here which is do not shotgun if there is any of ur admirer or even enemy at the spot cos u never knw wht u will do and say. hehehehe!

The wedding bell was jingle on 09.06.08

CONGRATULATION TO K.C AND JASS! :D

Bachelorette Night for Her (07/06/08)

The attenders of the Hen Night of Miss Jass (her addresses has change after 09/06/08 to Mrs Sim) LOL! An Upgrade status for the lady.....(dun "siong" me) u still look young! lol! :D

They are from the neighbour of our state...such as Brunei, Singapore, KK and KL. They are few which is localised! On that night was ur very "last night" of single status for any forms filled or anyone who address you will be start off with a "Miss". Okay an introduction for the participants or we are actually known as your SISTERS OF UR DAY! (forever sisters or jz a nite stand? LOL again!- u knw me girl i jz like to tok cock sometimes o most of d times. Keke!) In the picture are all females.....hmm~the four look-alike male have a pitiful story behind so I do not want to make a statement about why they looks like male though they are females actually. This was a Hen's night so do not doubt their sex as a female actually-trust me! (LoL!)

Upper row: From left- Norma, Lina, Sophia, Joey, Winnie, Sze, Yikru, Bobo, PL

Lower row: From Left- Me, Josie, Jane, Elly

Alright, those were the babes of the nite with Jass! Few of them are actually piggiebo not babes esp the four unalike female but are female species. LOL!

(Cheerz to the Hen and telling her to say GOODBYE to single status of her life and WELCOMING her new attached and married status of her life.)

So, our night was so noisy and confusing actually - becos there are 2 many of us and we r kinda not concentrating and realizing what we are doing actually. We were all so crack up and in the end our small, young and beautiful hen end up this way:

(Need not to be a very clear pic as we all frens knw wht actually happens 2 her dy) kekeke! Gal, happy BACHELORETTE NITE FOR U! MuAHS!

Well, do not blame her for not having a good skill of drinking. She turns out that way all because of her 2 weirdos "sister" who has very pitiful and unacceptable physical appearance especially for a born-2-be ladies like them:

Jane & Josie (How pitiful and we do understand how much you 2 want to be more feminine...)

One beautiful weekend for me! (hehe!)

By a night, the sky has turn grey in a glimpse...(was it really grey?)



And the flower blooms beautifully in the mind, thinking of a beautiful opening love story BUT too bad it's just a dream and the worse it's a DAY DREAM (LMAO!!-oops sorry! control! keke)





However that boy manage to wake up from that unrealistic beautiful dream of his by the help of a bunch of

(LOL!!!! Honestly, I still think its all so funny - cant stand what you up to but however the sparking fire of urs actually spark my mind off with a blast of funny imagination around my head! lol!!!!!- peace friend! *hiaks*)



So, his day has actually turn blue again and yet it is another new day again to face new challenges without that unrealistic day dream of his........



In the end, the flower in realistic does not bloom at all....it was all his dream ONLY!

Ps: who is your next shotgun sparking fire victim my dear? LOL!!!!

It was a beautiful weekend for me but I guess it was a crazy and confusing weekend for you "aiya" ah....RIGHT? hehehe! Hope it will be once in a lifetime only k! :)

Not sorry anymore

It’s dangerous and it can be seen deadly. Do not want to be caught at that moment anymore because the it may fall deeper and lose control if it is involved with feeling. Why not make a shift of the things? It will be better, right? We are allowed to shift anything around. But How much shift to be made ?– I am reminded not to break through the barriers because I may not have the second chance to be shift it back in a normal mode again. If the barriers are break through, the state of mind will run wildly without rationale thoughts. I am scared by it because it’s not in a state of divine at all. So do not take me in again because I may fall again and there is no surety I am able to be stand up by myself again. It may get worse and worse. I want it to be frozen to this point and let that point to be flush away from the mind.

An apologies to be made is not necessary anymore. From begin I am the one to be blame of all so the wrong is me BUT I am sorry to myself. Say that I am selfish and who are not selfish. I know it has been too long since I have not caught them up on my life but I am trying to heal myself so do not blame me. I have too much to think and have too much to cure. Not only curing myself but also someone close to me. I am always in a state of busy mind.

Talking about selfish. I have always wanted to be selfish. From young I am never selfish, I have always share mine with others and I am always willing to let my pair of hands to help someone but in the end I got nothing back. People always think they have sacrifice a lot but sometimes to think back we all in the world has equal sacrifices. I have always thought I had sacrifice more than anyone besides me but it’s ok no matter how much already because at least I have being selfish for once at that moment to avoid of get caught at that moment.

So why not let me be selfish for once? Let me to be out of the moment. My heart can be melt easily so do not talk those cock with me. I do not want to hear anymore. It’s non of my fucking business anymore! Do not use others to tell me those fucking shit. I do not want to ask but why keep on letting me know! I hate receiving those messages. So fuck off from my life! Gosh just let me be the devil for once and I will not feel any sorry for it. Think that I have a heart of stone or whatever! So now I am going to say it’s not MY FUCKING FAULT!

For The Newly Wed on 09.06.08

The source of your marriage will be love and happiness

Let happiness uplifts you and him

Let happiness fills both of you and him's heart, mind and soul

Let happiness gives you and him the strength needed

Let happiness gives your newly build family a good feeling that enters your mind each day

Let happiness takes you and his sadness away from the past and coming days

Let happiness fills yours and his eyes with joy

Let happiness makes your new family excited and thrilled

Let happiness warms both of you and his heart and soul each day

Let happiness gives you and him a sense of relief each today together

Let happiness welcomes you and him each morning when both of you get up

Let happiness to be seen in both of you and his eyes in the coming days under a roof

Let happiness be send by me to you and him always

Best wishes all the time to you and him

Congratulation My Dear friend! (17 days to go!) ;) *winks*

Do not walk ahead me because I may not cope up with you

Do not walk far behind from me because I may not know how to lead the road ahead

Why don't we walk by each other side so there are no coping and leading needed, my dear friend?

I may not want to turn my head back or think about what is heading in front

I prefer to walk together heading to the unknown road without any facing back of our past

It's hard to let a rock down from our shoulder which we have been carrying quite a while BUT HOWEVER it's has turn history so let's walk the road ahead with guts and open-hearted

Life isn't easy but I am believing that I had better one than some of them in the world

We live once and why not let it be the fullest of all

Every ups and downs we encounter are chapters of our life

In the end of the day of our life we can flip back the chapters we have made and laugh at it because "you have been through it and you did finished the road of life - no matter how much failure or success, it's made by you"

I never believe in next life

I do not dare to talk about my next life as I have not finish this life so why not finish it with courage

Forget the unforgiven history and remember the beautiful memories

Life get complex and difficult as we get older but while we get older, we get wiser

The closer of any relationship or friendship is, the greater the betrayal will be

There is no greater enemy than one who was once our greatest friend

Saying I AM SORRY is a difficult things to do

But those ships is one main thing that make life worthwhile

No matter what it will be in one of our life chapter, so we have to face our life with intrepidity.

Here In My Home

They rawk! Love NIng Baizura voice! so sexayyy n strong! Two thumbs up people! Loving it....

Do you want one?

Ever think of having how many of this lil tiny life? Or thinking not to have any? Bearing a child is hard and some more to raise them up is all bout $$$? We are used to be like them and I am wondering if our parents have the same thought like nowdays generation which is so sensitive about having kids and being very calculative to bear a child - then we will not be here at all right?

I had a BAD DAY

I had a bad day and I guess there are ppl have not a relli good day oso! But after having a fresh air it helps though! so i m feeling okay now! How bad it is
I dun think it will be that bad, huh?!-----> kekekee...It's Fergie, she sprained her ankle, yay with tat high of heels! Gosh, when I was a kid I do not knw why I always sprained my ankle even I am on bare feet so I do not like spraining ankle feeling - it relli hurts! Tats why I dun relli wear heels, before I wear I have tis picture of myself getting pain by spraining ankle or just stumble over sth with those heels. I am heels lover but still to avoid to fall over with a heel or get hurt to my feet I wont take that risk no matter hw nice the heels are.....hehehe....Guess Fergie feel a very BIG OUCH there!

Happy Mum Day! *spoiled*

It's a day again! Recently, I seems to have not enough time for doing stuff. The time jz goes so fast. Times goes too fast and things seems to be happening so unexpectedly all the time. At 1st, today shud be a gr8 day which everyone will be celebrating our mum's day but I end up sitting here blogging! No celebration today no celebration for her tis yr. Since this morning, I came home she just pulled a long face and I tried to talk to her but there are no reply at all. All of a sudden, my dad came home telling me that he is sick of mum so why dun u help her out thr. So, I drove over to just help her and since 2pm till now we did not speak a word. I dono wat get her into tis **** mood. Anyway, I cant do much actually so Happy or Sad mUm day!

Sometimes when you have a plan in the mind - in d end of the day it jz got out of hand so that is why I never wan to expect too much in anything becoz I am jz too afraid thgs that get out of control. My semester is ending soon and my final falls on the June which is 2 day after my dear fren wedding. Its kinda stress here coz I do not knw whether I can go tru it and to reach my final step of uni which is next sem! I m going to face damn SIX subjects so yay! - it is sure gonna have my damn fucking time to due with! I will jz lose my breathe anytime at that time. Anyhow, tis sem havent to an end yet so I better not to think too big of the picture of my final sem!

Sigh! I am kinda sad here! I am sad that, thgs is coming up so pack nowdays, and mum isnt happy today and dad is unhappy with mum- sigh! Do not knw wat to do and what to say however Mum, yes I love you! hm~

I wonder where is my dad now! Is he out dinner by himself? Is he out to watch the thomas n uber badminton cup? hMm! Y he din wait 4 me 2 go with him? sheesh~ both age add up oledi wanna be 200 lorr still "sa fa chiong mei" - gRr!

So young yet so many issues to be handle and of cos there are endless issue in future for me to face of cos so take it as a stage or test to go tru! However live life to the fullest anyway. If nt wat for stay on being a human here......Nth is impossible and thr will be miracle which I have always believe and I have few miracle happens to me at the past and Thank God that you do listen to my prayer! So, This is jz my pointless day.....do di do di do di do......

Short or Long hair suits me more?

Seems like everytime I had a mentally break down I will just do sth to my hair. Remembering that when in yr 2006 I was so emotional becos of certain personal issue then all of a sudden I told Edmund I wanna cut my hair short till above shoulder length and in jz a thought straight I went to the barber and had my hair "zap" it all down. That was when I start to have short hair then come along not until 2week Jass saying why I have to cut it like a kid's hair ----> (china doll hair which is in same length) and before this was this long----> so if to compare which 1 better? which is younger? Hahaha! or is it no difference at all? LOL! Then of cos not more than 2 weeks I was push by Miss Jxxx to another saloon to cut it off again which turns into like tat--> so it turns tis way......and until tis yr slowly I got back my hair over shoulder which is this long ---> then today I just had it zap off till this short --> and front of cos has not much diff jz has a lil fringe cut so however is like back 2 normal again which is short hair. Feel so comfortable and my head is so lot lighter now. So,in future I will jz stay this old way which isl prefer short hair cos at least i look more tidy and younger i guess. Hahaha! anyway, tats all for update? what u all think of it? SHORT OR LONG BETTER? HEHEHEHE.....

Mentally breaking down....

Hm! Just got back yam cha with Mz Jxxx, I am kinda feeling low in mood and I do not know what is goin on inside this blank head of me. I shud be starting my soon due assignt but I do not have the mood to start anythg! I guess I still have problem expressing my own feeling but I got nothing to be express le. But something inside is making me feeling down. But what is it? I do not really know the answer. Is it becos of feeling of gettin near to go away from home? Is it that I have been thinking too much n over here? Maybe I will not go away from here. It is scary to think of leaving my parent. Am I too much dependent here or I am fearing becos they are old dy? Sigh, do not wan any specific thought here but I am thinking so much far away but in the mind it seems so close and the clock is ticking fast. When I was kid I always cant wait to be a teen then to be an adult but when the age reach 20s, the clock seems to be ticking faster than before. And day by day just gone by like that - without any achievement or anything tat make the day valued. It seems like time being wasted so much. It is all so ironic, when life tends to be goin slow in motion and nth much goin around like having to face ups n downs still I complain. ANd when life having ups n downs I will start complainin as well. Humans are never ever satisfied of what they are having. It is all so imperfect! Even 1 day it is actually so perfect dy, still I think I will feel imperfect becos expectation and determination will change and it seems to be more and more which does not have a finish line at all. Have you ever thought of stop breathing for awhile? Or just be gone from the world 4 awhile?

Sigh, I am thinking to stop breathing awhile but how? My life is no rush at all but why do I feel so tired of breathing? Nothing to bother but studies only and yet I am sick of breathing? Sigh, thinking about wat I had in mind is so foolish. There are people around the world who may have a harder lifetime than me and they maybe not having this kind of thought but me! - having this stupid boring and kinda "ok" life makes me so tired? I am jz so weak! weak in evrythg! Sometimes I wanna show that I am strong no matter inside of me or outside of me but in the end I like to throw the bucket of water on myself and saying to myself I am jz a weak fellow. I really hope I can graduate tis yr end and I wanna have a change of life situation. But, sometimes I do ask myself am I ready for it? I am feeling so tiny now and I do not know what I am blabbering about. I just feel sick here. Sigh! How many sigh I have made dy? Sighhh.....

*I miss You*

It has been a month dy since he left and this is the very 1st night having to miss him. Was preparing to sleep but a sudden feeling is holding my eyes open and I actually misses him now. Was there shedding tears? Nah~ did not! ANd I guess this is my 1st time sms-ing him asking 'when can i c u?' sigh! Sometimes, no matter how tough or how long the relationship have been BUT if the feeling is there still will have a soft time to be a girl somehow which is telling him or jz a fren that I am missing him now! It is not that I am denying all this while but or maybe my mind has too much to think of and to be done with but now having to have some free time I tend to miss hiim...

To be apart is sad, missing someone is cruelty especially if you knw you hardly have the chance to see that missed person that fast. The feeling come mayb is oso another reason which is this 2 nights I have been watching some lovey dovey drama series which makes me feel a bit of emo and affectionate gua. Sigh! I am just too much easy to be influence especially emotional feelings. I hope I wont wonder too far with this emo here so I think I will get back normal after a good or is it a hard-to-sleep nite? :S bad signs here....sigh!

Loneliness is killing as well. I just sms-ed him telling him that I do not feel like attending 2molo class and the meeting but he say I can't coz if I gonna start this emo-feeling I will lose my track again and soon I will repeat my mistake again! so slap slap slap myself n dun feel emo cos u r a grown up! be more mature be old be wise nt to be affected by all this shit feel! Still, I miss you dear! I am wondering do you miss me actually? Am i trying to be lovey dovey here? No, it is a question and an answer needed here. But even you tell me you do miss me, and I am a girl still I will say I doubt that. Well, maybe girls r owes born 2 be doubting what the male species says. So lame right? I guess both species r lame gua. haha! (wat a cold joke...er a lame one here)

Well, I guess I have to stop here before I starts all those yucky words here. I am trying to cheer myself up here! So, I guess I have been good all this while dy cos after all I took a month to have this feeling so I m nt tat weak yet. LOL! Orite, gtg n have some try-hard sleeping time. Nitez all!

*miss u Mr*

Useless Update here...

Its been awhile I din log into my blog here. Was bz wit uni works last 2 weeks ago then I got a mid-sem break which I am not at local here...was kicking my arse in some long long highway down to Penang and Ipoh with family. And also its a family trip I guess. It was not a great trip cos I din get anything back thr at KL or Penang cos all we did was to eat n look at d place we going. And of cos 1 real main point by my parent 4 tis trip is to visit and company my beloved bloody(no offence, u bitch! LOL) brother. Having to see him thr with so much obstacle goin tru really send a knife piercing into my parent's heart! Well, waht to do! ALl i can say it's life! It's d job u have chose. So, if it is tat suffering - quit tat damn fucking job! cos it relli sux as u have to drive up from selangor to penang at least thrice a week and of cos sometimes not even 1 4 a week but still it sux! I mean u r driving down tat fucking long highway all by urself and having to speed bout 140km/hr with a KENARI! Gosh isnt tat shit! I would have long kill tat job with my own hand! For God Sake bloody bro, quit it man!
Anyway, tat goes my holiday with hardcore squeezing 3 ppl at d back seat of d car for bout 5 hrs (of cossssss, we did have a stop by) :P So, hows life without dear...I guess evrythg seems to be flowing normally as we have a total non-conflict since he left me! maybe i m jz 2 bz wit my own fucking boring full uni assesement life here. Well, he is fine I guess! Sometimes my mind did ran off a bit about our distance relationship but still I am able to get back to a normal mode aft a sleep. Life didnt get better or worse even without him! thr is no sadness or deep missing him here! I m jz too bz wit assesement and bz yam cha i guess oso! hahahahaha....anyway I drop by to post 1 article while waiting 4 Jass to pick me up for a tea. She is late n she is driving! So hell yeah, I am leaving now...and hope tat I get to blog more.

We will be allright! :D

Ya, here goes the result or the conclusion I have been waiting and fearing of. Yes, he had really decided to quit his job for sure and go back to his hometown to start his new job. This is the news that he told me last nite. Well, the feeling of it is a bit neutral now. At first when he was back at KK last week and him telling me he was going for few interviews, I was quite upset bout it but after he had confirmed to me last 9...I was like jz OK only. Didnt have the feeling of angry or loss o watever negative thoughts came across. Mayb I starts to learn of letting it go since I have been holding him for 4yrs in Kch. It's time for him to make his very own decision and its time for him to be more comfortable and enjoyable with his chosen road.

This is mayb I m in my final year so I feel a lot Ok about it cos I may graduate (OH! I have to stand strong for this, Darn it right!)end of tis yr and jz by d time I finish will join him there (KK)...Sometimes we have to be fair n its not about who shud sacrifice more or shud tolerate more(of cos guys right?hehe). He have tolerated with me here for 4 yrs which in a place he had no one close or even friends accept colleagues and my frens at all but ME only. So, mayb thinking of the feeling he was in has given me an awake call to let him be(Not relli yet though,oops!). Yah, maybe not more than a yr time I will be in his position dy..which is me gonna miss hometown and hate that place which I have to go sooner or later. But what to do, this is wat I choose so have to balance it up to continue this relationship.

Well, was it all about commitment or because of that we have been in 5yrs relationship? ErmM, I guess is because we really do care and love each other or we do really wan to make this bond work, rigth? If not why he is willing to be here for me and I m going to be willing for goin to a place that I will be a total stranger (scary!) for anyone there. Anyway, hope his choice will give him a path of sth he really like. Of cos, I will feel sth missing but for the future? To think about it....YA why NOT? so have a try and see thgs work out between us or not. Take it as a test from God.

No matter how we r parted well I guess in a week or 2 I will jz get used to it for not having you around cos I most of the time a loner so dun think it will be problem for me (hopefully~~hehe!),right? So go ahead and do what you like, I will be supporting you from this moment but jz dun tell me about going places like ENGLAND so that will be jz fine for me.

So, its time for me to let it go, right? Let it be let it be and times will tell how well or how sucks we gonna be in the future right? However, its all fate and destined and of cos we need to put our very best effort to work this out. :) So, this is my latest news and I guess it is gonna happennnnn........real soon! Mayb by that time I will be back to my own world which is owes alone. Everything alone!? no no no...I have to be INDEPENDENT! No more daily routine anymore which is be a driver (two thumbs up for me)....guess thr will be more freedom at that time which I hope it will be good. Yah, I have to be good!! damn...anyway stop here....before I continue with some fucked stuff and messed up my mood again~

Pathetic and loner of ME

Hmm! Just to inform I may have problem for internet connection nowdays because of some some....sigh! Its better not say. So I hope I can get my line soon enough so I will be able to blog more! Express is interesting thing but sometimes writing out and when you got anonymous ppl comin in ur blog or mayb some issue which is have to be sensored to avoid creating sensitiveness relli shit thgs up right?

Anyway I m doing stuff at uni at this moment and its late dy and I cant wait to go home but because of unable to online problem leads me for a need to stay at Uni a longer time to do my posting and researching for my works at Uni. and shit this cos I hate staying at Uni accept for class. Talking about Uni, so far actually this semester is ok for me lerr...cos those kids in the block which are same class with me was nice and friendly. They relli can make fren wit u jz in a click but for me they are jz one of the cloud for this semester. By the time the sem has finish, I will forget them and they will forget who the fuck am I and here it goes another bunch of "hi ByE" friends right? Hehehehe!

But still lah...they r nice kids which they r willing to approach you 1st. Am I lucky or what? Because every sem I m worried of who I m goonnnnaaa group with for assignts? Ya, this is why I HATE group assignts. I prefer doing alone because being individual all the time won't encounters unfair issue (like my previous sem-cb1 tat girl TYT)) especially school works, right? If you say working different lah cos most of the time need teamwork rite. But I m Jz so NOT the type of teamwork person because...welll....shy in a way though when giving out ideas or comments or watever lah. So fuck that introduction class I have last week which make me so sick and looks like an ALIEN in front of the lecturer and those kid in the block. Darn! Anyway, the story started by this way....the lecturer wan ask to introduce ourself for the 1st tutorial class (sounds like primary school or high school le??? *i feel lame*) anyway moving on...we do it a lil' different from our young days which is after introducing ourself we have to pick a "FRIEND" in the class to describe him/her. AND for your INFORMATION and hell SAKE I don know anyone in that class (shameful me:()and how the FUCK I m gonna to pick a "FRIEND" to DESCRIBE! So shitty when it is my turn to introduce. So I introduced myself then I tot it is done until my lecturer told me to pick a "FRIEND" so I guess u know how fucking sick at that time, right? Then...I told my lecturer I dun have friend here n I dunno anyone so I m unable to describe anyone at all. So,The lecturer was like "WHAT?! how come you dunno anyone here as you are a final year student?" Yah, i feel like putting my face in some shit hole to cover every single part of my face.

Gosh, I can feel those kids in the block talking back or laffing bout how pathetic I am. GrRRr! so geram to tot about it! Come on lah! I got my own friend lah which is not kid in the block mah! N i more not social type ler.....so dun think I m a clown or ALIEN! Sheesh!

oK this enough of my silly part and my embarassing moment. haha! Ya, i still can laugh bout it because i think I have get used to it cos there is always ppl around at campus asking "y i m always ALONE?" so, you get it? I m pathetic, loner and wackoo here... :P

Gtg home..its late....catch up soon~

Jz a day....

Hm! How to start! Jz a brief tok bout my sick sick boring day again. Din vote for tis election becos of believing tat asshole bout some issue n in d end I din get to register on time to vote for this election but i m looking forward for d next election coming to. Anyway 1st wat a shit thg happen to d 12th election as our BN has stomp down quite a hit this time as they lost 5 of their states to the Opposition. Not much comment to give as I m not d political type of ass here...but anyhow Congrat to the BN of Stampin which have won. Well, time will tells who is more capable of doin stuff for the country o for Us. So, in this 5 yrs time they have to show somethg out for d Rakyat if not we will be back 2 d circle again! So good luck to we Malaysians n hope thr is a better tomorrow wit those winner. Be more alert of any action and move u gonna make cos the other side will be watching how you guys survive. :)

Anyway moving on....i slept 7 am this morning n woke up around 11 until now. Give me a lot of thoughts about a friend's situation. His family has broken into pieces and I have known him for about 12 yrs and he is owes the guy who love his family a lot and I guess those broken "big pieces" of his family in this 4 yrs have been quite a huge IMPACT for him. However, it has been 4 yrs dy....yet I jz knew by this morning while chatting wit him on MSN which shocked d hell outta me. He was a buddy to someone close to me and I knew him when I was kid. He was jz like a big bully bro for me. Well, wat he have told us really endure me from thinking that he is really strong becos he have been keeping this secret for 4 yrs without telling anyone or any of his closest buddy until now. For God sake, he has been holding so much of those burden by himself which I really wan to give him salute for standing til now.

The whole shit makes me think a lot. Especially thinking about what I have been tru or goin tru makes me so sick and even ever tot of the whole world is turning my life upside down becos of some shit stuff happen to me but or yet this guy I have known was some kind i tot is a spoiled brat for whole time. In a turn he actually can handle his situation by tat way...unbelievable rite Miss J? hehehe!

Well, it makes me feel like telling some ppl who tot he/she is in some hardship but to compare it is so differen n small. ANyhow the story is promised to be kept so my lips will be sealed n all I can tok bout it is wit Miss J! Luckily we both knw if not waahhhh....put in d heart so "xin ku" le. hehehe...however I hope this will be better in d coming days for my dear fren.....

They may not want it this way....

Abortion is never ever an easy decision for any ladies in the world. No matter she is in her young teens or late teens or even adults. When the young teens found out they are pregnant, 1st thg come into their mind were abortion because of what? because of fearing that their parents will disown them or hate them. What about late teens? They of cos still fear about their parent especially the Asians like we Malaysian chinese or even other races here...we are all brought up in a more conservative manner and teaching. Eventhough the young teens can be real open-minded yet they still have some inner part of them fearing their parents conservative manner. However there are especially nowdays many late teens would not go for abortion unless they really have a very very hard situation.

Just about last 2 weeks ago I got a news from a friend that she was pregnant and of cos she is takin her diploma or degree in college. I knew her for about 7 yrs and I knw her parents and I know her situation so her decision is to send tat lil life inside her tummy to a far far place. The moment she gave me that news it feels like a knife stab into my heart. I feel so bad about it. I do not know how respond to her. I wanted to scold her for being foolish and make her decision 2 fast but when I calm down and think about if I were in her situation what will I do? Ya, of cos I may have make the same thought like her but I may not have the guts because I dont agree abortion as it is so cruel.

At that moment, what I can say to her is "No matter what you do or decide I hope it will be the best for you at the moment and I will support you" (Sounds like I am also helping to murder). So, she decided to send the embryo inside her which was already 6 weeks (ya i know some are 2mths but come on no matter how many days, weeks or mths it's a LIFE) dy to that far place. My heart was filled with pain and anger. I wanted to scold her but I know I shouldnt because she is more than a millions time painful than me or anyone else in the world. So, I rather keep my mouth sealed until one day before her abortion she called me. She told me she is heartbroken and she knew that it will haunt her forever after the whole process. She was strong, she hold her tears even on the phone with me but I know how hurt she was when she spill out the word "murderer". She told me that she is a murderer, she is gonna kill her very own baby, she will never know her baby forever and ever. From that minute she told me, I was shattered into pieces. Imagine I m not being the person who is encountering this can send a knife piercing tru my heart, what else that lady who is the one encounterin the whole situation and calling herself a murderer for her own baby? Mayb that pain of the mothers who have done this, we will never know how hurt and frightening for them. Can you see or feel how terrified she was or those young girls who have the same case? Do you know the heart was broken into pieces which will never be put back into 1 piece as it is a 1 time chance, a 1 time "that" baby? Yes, we will have another baby but its not him/her anymore. Those who never have that experience will never know how deep fucking shit painful, right?

In the end for my friend, it still happens and life go on bringing along the pain, grief and guilt for a very long long path...
So, guys play safe yah and dun make a lifetime mistake or indirectly being a murderer.


May God Bless my Dear friend and those who have lost their lost one as she and them has admitted to the murder, grieving over the lost one, forgive the ones who helped with the murder and hel her to forgive oneself.

My part of sour note...

The feeling is killed? Who the murderer is, who to blame is over dy. I do not wan to state it out. I really wish it can turn back the time which every said lil words to be not spoken out on that day. It has been a week dy.. Both are my closest girl friend I have known. I like their companion, I love what they are though they have their very own attitude which some might have bring shit feeling to me but I accept who she is and what she is. Both have differen attitude but both have one same attitude which they have so much pride in them. I m not sure whether I m being in the middle or what. And I know my situation is different wit "Miss S" as I have other connection with her besides being a friend. "Miss J" says that I wont have a problem when times can slowly tell n mend the road but the feeling of seeing both of you is just so not right at all. Yea I know, we cant change the fact and thr is lots of unexpected issue will happen in between a human connection but I really wan 2 save this wreck ship but I m so helplessly sitting here unable to mend the wreck ship between both of u.



Friend ma o not?? :S
Maybe time will mend the whole thing but slowly the connection rope will be rotting like a dead body n it will jz break n nnever ever to be like the whole original rope which have been used for almost 6 - 7 yrs time to hold on this friendship. No matter how many apologised u make is all to nothing. They maybe still be friend but maybe tat 6-7yrs of friendship will turn into a whole new awkward different feel of "normal friend" dy..

Yea, I do wanna avoid the whole picture and I do not wan to think about this whole shit between us. Me and her is ok but u n her le? I do not want to be me n her, me n u or u n her, wat I want is us! Will we able to make it into "us" again? Is our friendship that brittle? or Is that you two friendship that is not strong?

I am not sort of narcissistic so I m willing to be the clown for them or being the coward as long we r happy. I have so much friend but not so much can really click with me and not so much makes me wanna share most of my stuff with them. Mayb one day we will be like our old self back to the same old circle having each other around and maybe not. Remembering when we were all young children, dont we jz like to tell our mate that "dont wan friend u liaw" but the very next day in school we r back 2 normal after some letter writing or some shoutin each other. But when we get older, thr seems to be lots of changes dy and thr r issues tht we r unable 2 solve in a simple letter writing or a simple arguments anymore. I guess the trend now is "cold wars" n hell sake I hate cold wars. It makes my mouth stink for not speaking to someone u care n love.

Its not that we lose each other we cant survive, of cos any of us will survive even thr is our closest family member walking away from our life nonetheless of a friend, right? but losing someone still will be a pity for all we have gone tru n being so close.




No expectation and guessing will be the best for me to be sane at the moment.....let it be let it be.....(sigh!)Its bluee.....

"Let it Be" (The Beatles)
When I find myself in times of trouble
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.

And in my hour of darkness
She is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be.

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.
And when the broken hearted people
Living in the world agree,
There will be an answer, let it be.

For though they may be parted there is
Still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be.
Let it be, let it be. Yeah

There will be an answer, let it be.
And when the night is cloudy,
There is still a light that shines on me,
Shine on until tomorrow, let it be.

I wake up to the sound of music
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be.

There will be an answer, let it be.
Let it be, let it be,
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be

It's driving me crazy...

This crack up misunderstanding between us is driving me nuts! Was it all about tat one "bad word" I have said? Or were thr broken pieces in ur heart since the "MSN war" we had on October last yr? Ya, wht so big deal and wats d problem here? I really don know. I have explained and I have make a step forward jz to make sure thgs will be back to the rite track but all you do is tryin to avoid the whole thg or are u still upset bout the whole case till u do not want 2 give us any feedback about the problem?


I really dunno whr or how it started this whole shit. Jz a picture comment and "wooosh" came ur fire burning us? U knw I have smelly mouth, dont you? I have vulgar words sticking on my mouth for my damn whole 15 yrs of life girl! n yet u have known me for about 6 yrs but stil u can misunderstand me jz becos of a "wtf"? I m really getting nuts here for u not replyin my sms and calls and even msn. I even have dreams taht we r not okay in thr! If you wan me 2 apologised for d word I have said. I will for God sake if it mends all our sickening attitude all this while so I m really sorry to you that I have a broken mouth which likes to spit dirty words all the time. All those shit words doesnt bring any intention to you or to anyone I have spoken to.


If this misunderstand gonna end our closeness than I do not know wat else i can says o do as I guess it can only show that we have a weak friendship here baby... I really do not wan that to happen between us. I really hope things can be solve soon and pls dun make me do tht much assumption here all along...

I need some response from you. I do not want us to feel uncomfortable whn the time we gonna meet up or u have decided not 2 meet up anymore? Is it possible? If you r on a mood swings I will let u have ur time to be back 2 normal again but at least give me an answer 2 knw that everything will be allrite in future...

If u r hurt pls let me know and we can talk thgs out if you do care about our friendship. No avoiding is needed between us. We can solve by jz saying out our feeling. Thr wont be any hard feelin if u let me knw wat u have been thinkin about me. Thr is no turning back or eating back wat I have said but jz to spit out ur moment feeling...and If thr is anythg wrong between us all we have to do is let it all out n bring us more closer instead of letting the misunderstand hiding inside to make it worse in our coming days....

We need to have a good chat. I don like cold wars. Thr is no unsolving matters between a very close fren. It really sickening for me to c what and how me, u and her have turn into...this kind of awkward feeling. I m not afraid to let u c my weakness and I have never show ego to you at all and this shows how close I wanna be with you and her. We r all good n close fren and hope thr is nothing big deal bout this whole shit. Mayb jz a talk will dwell all those shit into somewhr far which in future we may sit down and laugh on our stupidity, right?

It hurts to see and I don wan make anymore assumptions for your action cos all I hope is to have a better tomorroww....between us!