The Her and He

Young -> Old -> Into the coffin!
It would be great I guess if me & him stay this way! But I prefer to die fast cos I am too afraid of aparting with someone I care and love. So, It has been 3 months 25 days we have separated. But of cos he did come back for 3 days visit and oso to attend one of our friend's wedding. I do miss him but not everyday lar. Our distance relationship has not much changes. Of course I wouldnt know what changes he had thr cos' I am unable to see! Anyhow, I wil be just doin my very own best and be what I am. If we are meant for each other then there are no obstacles we cant go tru right. So I told my dad not to worry about me and him as if he is mine, he will be mine. If he is not then no choice lor. There are so many fishes in the sea or trees in the forest. So,if d bad new comes then I have 2 face it and sad 4 a few day is enuff le.....

♥ me or hate me

She is consistently unreasonable to me again or most of the time if that person is around. I try my best to think rationally and wisely for her actions and words utter from her but time to time she disappointed me. I started questioning my own attitude and characteristics again. Am I being envious or green eyed? Was I? Am I? The question linger on my mind again since then. It gets on my nerve again but not that harsh like before. I am telling myself to be numb about it because it's nothing new to me.

Ya, its nothing new as this issue has been going on for a decade already. But why it still affects me? This is because she is someone that I care and I must care. Isn't that she has the same responsibility to treat me that way as well? Alright, maybe she do care but....oh God I can't convince myself for that statement coz' her actions are too obvious that I am not that much of her priority if to compare with that person.

I used to assume she has prejudice on me, and I got lots of funny and stupid reason behind all these actions which is maybe my chinese birth time and date does not suits her and maybe our horoscope are not compatible to be close at all. Funny, huh? However, those superstitious mind does not help me feel better at all. I even thought that I have problems on my attitude which she do not like. Maybe I am selfish, I am easily green-...etc.

But now I am partially assure that has prejudice on me. I have change to be better, to be more obedient, to be more patience in temper but it gets back to the circle again. She really treated us so much differently and the comparison of the difference can be say as that person goes heaven and me go HELL. Yeah! Isn't that shitty? I am not bluffing guys. I tot I can take it but still I cant take it. I tot there will be a change of fate but after all it's back to the same ol' ol' way. However, I keep on reminding myself I must be patience. It's all normal actually. So, I must be impulsively calm to keep the peace between us. I will let it be. So, I will be cool about it and mind my own bizness and I will not shoot out the bullet until I finish my mission.

So, at the moment I do have the heart to stay away from this place. It's not that I hate it but maybe I shud have a fresh air at some other place. Mayb in this way, I may not have a heavy heart to leave here. But if situation change I still prefer to stay at my home sweet home of course. I guess I have to stop blurting shit out now cos its 2 a.m in the morning and I have to get up early 2molo. Well well, I have my last 10days at that freaking workplace. hehe! Thats all for the rumbles and rantz. I will be cool bout it.... so say it with me yip pee yay kay!!
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Straight A's NOT! Haha!

Hardwork do give us a good show in the end! Thank God Thank God for giving me a new new chance after a yr! I have one more semester to strive on and till then I will be free from books! I need more mind support from anyone and most important is myself! ANd and Family! They are very indeed my mind support! No quarrels no big problem can give me a peace of mind to go tru this damn fucking final sem! I cant wait! I have waited for so long to tell that I am in my final sem! And

Now I am cant wait to tell that I have go tru my final fucking sem! Yet I cant be too confident about it cos the road of life has so much unexpected things that will happen! Sometimes is better not to expect too much. I din expect so much on my result but it was weird when last 9 I was going to bed I keep on seeing vision of my results and the result seen does not have any alphabet of N in it! I cant relli sleep last 9 cos tis is my final stageeee which my mum told me. If I am going to flunk any of the subject again my mum jz not gonna let me continue anymore. Well, she do freak me out for that.

I do not want to let go and this time achievement wont make me forget my damn stupidity in year 2006. I will let it keep on reminding me myself about it, remind myself how stupid I was, remind that how I have wasted times and money at that time. It will always be a reminder for me to be more conscious and steady always. I have say sorry so much in my heart and I hope the one I had hurt will forgive me if one of the most fear day for me comes.

I have promise my dad I will do good and I will try my fucking damn best. I always feel so shame that ppl ask when will I graduate. And because I am unable 2 graduate on time I had this self-consciously of measuring my intelligent. This 1 1/2 yr I have always question myself whether I have the ability to study a fucking simple course. And I always blame myself for being so stupid. But yet I guess hardworks actually brings an achievement at all.

I m not a super duper high achievement student but I never worry about my studies until i started uni actually. I did not give up and I do put effort on it but Bro say I could have put more on it. Well, sometimes life jz has up and downs to be face and it all depends how strong we are and how ur frens n family has mentally support u. Maybe harsh words do help sometimes. hehehe...(mentioning a lady of my life) And a girlfren of mine do give me hard rocking word to listen and this actually beat out my pride. Though i do not share but I bear it on my mind that I wan to show myself that I am not stupid after all and I still own maybe a lil bit of the ability to finish uni. Heheh! However, Thanks myself for the hardwork, thanks God, family and friends for being side of me in somehow :)) hehe! mUahs!

Life is just alike as drama

A new drama series of TVB again! Moonlight Resonance yet another exciting modern, family and business conflicts genre drama series. It has most of the actors and actresses of Heart of Greed but it is not the continuation of Heart of Greed. The Heart of Greed was a kicked ass touching drama and was rated the highest for that year of drama series.

TVB uses back the same actor n actrsses to attract viewers to watch this drama. Viewers of TVB drama series must be very curious about this new "pattern" modern drama because of the same same actors esp Tak tak dei is insde n of cos nowdays favorite actor of people which is Raymond Lam! I CANT wait to download this fucking drama series and fuck it is yet another 40 episode movie. However, I am still waiting for anther drama which is The Jewel of Life which contains 80 episode to be catch up....:S

I am sorry

I have run out of idea to help you and I do not understand why we have been helping you yet you do not want to stand up straight and right again! I feel so exhausted already and same shit as them. I can even have a pat on my butt just walk off with all these shit that has happen on you! But can I do it? Am I able to have the heart do it this way? No! I cant cos you are one of my closest person in the world of my life. Yet, I am not sure I have done wrong for those thgs that I have told her. End up, seems like you thought that I have bitten you a bite from the back. Was I? No, I try to help you.

I tot choosing tis way will make you awake and realize that what you have been up to all this while is a huge mistakes or faulties that you have given most of us 2 feel it. I know how suffering and stress as you the one who had brought all these shit up. I knw that you feel 100 times pain inside you than us. But ur doings of repenting is not tis way. We human make silly n stupid mistakes but we are given a gift by God not to give up after a wrong but the gift given us was to understand our wrongs and stand up back for it or mend the wrongs. We are not born to escape or avoid mistakes and facts of life. If u were able to accept those shit has happen and apologize for it, I gurantee you that ur life will be better than ever and by the time u turn back ur memories you think it was a change of ur life and those stupid wrong doings has turn u into a better person. If you are still in a confusing situation like now and do not want to face the truth that shits has happen, then so sorry u wont able to have a better life then.

Sorry always seems to be the hardest words to say but I am not sure I have wrong for that but guiltness has been building up in me tis few days. I am so sorry and I really hope thgs can be back normal for u n her. We all want a good ending of you twos so dun give up! It feel so funny that I have to say sorry but I meant it! Life is always like roller coaster n most of the times it was all like a JOKE. So why not laugh at those stupid joke when it is over.

Anyhow, I did not expect it has turn up this way but I am really sorry for what have happen. If anythg happen I think I will bear this guilt forever and I may not know how 2 face u in coming days so Please please be more steady from now onwards and fight back what u have lose and lost. We will always send out our pair of hands to hold you when u need it. Trust me!

I am so sorry! AND girl another chance is needed here.....it doesnt end this way and this easy because heart is hard to build and turn 2 into 1.