♥ me or hate me

She is consistently unreasonable to me again or most of the time if that person is around. I try my best to think rationally and wisely for her actions and words utter from her but time to time she disappointed me. I started questioning my own attitude and characteristics again. Am I being envious or green eyed? Was I? Am I? The question linger on my mind again since then. It gets on my nerve again but not that harsh like before. I am telling myself to be numb about it because it's nothing new to me.

Ya, its nothing new as this issue has been going on for a decade already. But why it still affects me? This is because she is someone that I care and I must care. Isn't that she has the same responsibility to treat me that way as well? Alright, maybe she do care but....oh God I can't convince myself for that statement coz' her actions are too obvious that I am not that much of her priority if to compare with that person.

I used to assume she has prejudice on me, and I got lots of funny and stupid reason behind all these actions which is maybe my chinese birth time and date does not suits her and maybe our horoscope are not compatible to be close at all. Funny, huh? However, those superstitious mind does not help me feel better at all. I even thought that I have problems on my attitude which she do not like. Maybe I am selfish, I am easily green-...etc.

But now I am partially assure that has prejudice on me. I have change to be better, to be more obedient, to be more patience in temper but it gets back to the circle again. She really treated us so much differently and the comparison of the difference can be say as that person goes heaven and me go HELL. Yeah! Isn't that shitty? I am not bluffing guys. I tot I can take it but still I cant take it. I tot there will be a change of fate but after all it's back to the same ol' ol' way. However, I keep on reminding myself I must be patience. It's all normal actually. So, I must be impulsively calm to keep the peace between us. I will let it be. So, I will be cool about it and mind my own bizness and I will not shoot out the bullet until I finish my mission.

So, at the moment I do have the heart to stay away from this place. It's not that I hate it but maybe I shud have a fresh air at some other place. Mayb in this way, I may not have a heavy heart to leave here. But if situation change I still prefer to stay at my home sweet home of course. I guess I have to stop blurting shit out now cos its 2 a.m in the morning and I have to get up early 2molo. Well well, I have my last 10days at that freaking workplace. hehe! Thats all for the rumbles and rantz. I will be cool bout it.... so say it with me yip pee yay kay!!
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