Hm! Just got back yam cha with Mz Jxxx, I am kinda feeling low in mood and I do not know what is goin on inside this blank head of me. I shud be starting my soon due assignt but I do not have the mood to start anythg! I guess I still have problem expressing my own feeling but I got nothing to be express le. But something inside is making me feeling down. But what is it? I do not really know the answer. Is it becos of feeling of gettin near to go away from home? Is it that I have been thinking too much n over here? Maybe I will not go away from here. It is scary to think of leaving my parent. Am I too much dependent here or I am fearing becos they are old dy? Sigh, do not wan any specific thought here but I am thinking so much far away but in the mind it seems so close and the clock is ticking fast. When I was kid I always cant wait to be a teen then to be an adult but when the age reach 20s, the clock seems to be ticking faster than before. And day by day just gone by like that - without any achievement or anything tat make the day valued. It seems like time being wasted so much. It is all so ironic, when life tends to be goin slow in motion and nth much goin around like having to face ups n downs still I complain. ANd when life having ups n downs I will start complainin as well. Humans are never ever satisfied of what they are having. It is all so imperfect! Even 1 day it is actually so perfect dy, still I think I will feel imperfect becos expectation and determination will change and it seems to be more and more which does not have a finish line at all. Have you ever thought of stop breathing for awhile? Or just be gone from the world 4 awhile?
Sigh, I am thinking to stop breathing awhile but how? My life is no rush at all but why do I feel so tired of breathing? Nothing to bother but studies only and yet I am sick of breathing? Sigh, thinking about wat I had in mind is so foolish. There are people around the world who may have a harder lifetime than me and they maybe not having this kind of thought but me! - having this stupid boring and kinda "ok" life makes me so tired? I am jz so weak! weak in evrythg! Sometimes I wanna show that I am strong no matter inside of me or outside of me but in the end I like to throw the bucket of water on myself and saying to myself I am jz a weak fellow. I really hope I can graduate tis yr end and I wanna have a change of life situation. But, sometimes I do ask myself am I ready for it? I am feeling so tiny now and I do not know what I am blabbering about. I just feel sick here. Sigh! How many sigh I have made dy? Sighhh.....
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